Unless you are in a situation that forces you to kill your self urgently and ASAP I would advice you to take your time and do your research on what method to choose. I am so sorry you are in so much pain. I understand that, most of us are in a similar situation, some more than others. There are plenty of useful informations around the site. So Please try to calmly take your time to read through them. Ctb is a big decision that needs to be taken seriously and planned out well. From all your posts and comments I noticed you are a bit rushed and in a hurry to an impulsive attempt. That will only lead you a failed attempt and worse leave you in a permanent damage and make your life harder than it already is and make your future ctb attempts near impossible.
I wish you all the best in your decisions