Fentanyl is killing my friends and wounding my lovers

[vaspertine]

Maybe this is just a depressive rant, but I woke up to the news that a friend, her partner and another friend passed away after accidentally overdosing on fentanyl overnight. A lot of MDMA/ketamine/coke etc around me recently has been found to be fentanyl, and although I am completely sad and devastated that they have either passed away or have become incredibly sick, I feel a really sick sense of jealousy that I wish my drugs were spiked with fentanyl and I could "unknowingly" pass away without the family and friends burden to them of knowing I want to ctb.

I have some fears that SN is not really available anymore, and while I have been debating for such a long time what method I would use, it seems like there is currently no "peaceful" way, readily accessible, to die. I feel frustrated that my drugs could be spiked with fentanyl but I don't even know where I could even get some easily (not that I would necessarily like to meet the dealers who are spiking everyone's drugs with fentanyl though tbh).

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

I'm sorry for your loss. Life is so unfair that we are stuck here and people who want to live accidentally overdose.
I don't know how you could get any fentynal spiked MDMA.... Seems random.