Discussion fellow trans people: surviving out of spite?

[listless]

tbh anyone can contribute to the conversation, but specifically fellow trans ppl came to mind when i was thinking about this. ive been told to kill myself for being gay and trans so many times by total strangers. and obviously transphobes favorite line to bully us is to bring up our high percentage of suicide attempts relative to the rest of the population. does being trans make me wanna die sometimes? yea, it really does. but when i think abt transphobes and stuff they say to me and my friends, it just makes me angry. it gives me at least some tiny amount of fuel to keep going and that fuel is spite. if me being alive and very visibly trans and gay upsets them so much, then good. ill keep suffering in silence just so those assholes wont be comfortable as long as im alive.

obviously its not always enough, i still feel suicidal a lot, but yeah. i guess its just one of those little things holding me back for now.

 

[sleepyturtle]

i feel this. i want to live and prove that we're strong and help fight against the literal genocide ppl are trying to commit against queer ppl rn, but how do you survive in a world that is so hostile to you for just existing…

 

[listless]

it definitely feels like a battle every day x_x its not easy... but hey, i feel like it gives us some kinda meaning, even if it seems small sometimes. im proud of all my trans and queer siblings for staying every single day and proud to be who i am cuz its hard.

 

[borderline-feline]

I want to die, but I also want the Matt Walsh/Michael Knowles types to suffer from knowing my existence. It's kind of a catch 22 in that regard. I wish I could just make transphobic people feel the pain of dysphoria so that they could begin to actually understand what they hate.

 

[listless]

I want to die, but I also want the Matt Walsh/Michael Knowles types to suffer from knowing my existence. It's kind of a catch 22 in that regard. I wish I could just make transphobic people feel the pain of dysphoria so that they could begin to actually understand what they hate.

i feel that... if they could just feel what its like for one day maybe they would understand. fuck those guys forever.

 

[borderline-feline]

i feel that... if they could just feel what its like for one day maybe they would understand. fuck those guys forever.

I don't know how you feel about death metal, but there's a song by the band Cattle Decapitation that's about how transphobic people should be forced to experience dysphoria. It's called Forced Gender Reassignment. I know that it's a genre that can be off-putting to many in terms of the sound and lyrics, but I feel a sense of catharsis when I listen to it.

 

[listless]

I don't know how you feel about death metal, but there's a song by the band Cattle Decapitation that's about how transphobic people should be forced to experience dysphoria. It's called Forced Gender Reassignment. I know that it's a genre that can be off-putting to many in terms of the sound and lyrics, but I feel a sense of catharsis when I listen to it.

oh hell yeah, i will definitely check that out, angry and violent music makes me feel a lot of catharsis as well, thank you for the recommendation hope you are having a decent night or day and if not i hope it gets a lil better soon

 

[crowbait]

i feel this

 

[LocalAngel]

I've wanted to survive out of spite for too long. But i also have other minority aspects to myself. I'm currently at the point now where i've just accepted that i'll never be able to be accepted by about 40-50% of the people i run into randomly. At least, that's how it feels.

 

[DumbOnlineGirl]

I really resonate with this. It may sound odd, but wishing death upon bigots gives me hope for a better future and knowing that people don't approve of me just makes me feel stronger.

 

[OutOfTheVoid]

i was for a while, especially because transphobes/fascists want us dead and there's a trans genocide going on, but i couldnt anymore. im not gonna force myself to continue suffering just to spite people who want me dead. i dont care anymore

 

[immutable.variable]

I once figured I could live on with spite alone, but I don't think that's the case anymore. I'm thoroughly done.

 

[Yuki K]

I'm not out yet, so even though I don't have to face transphobes but the internal battle continues. Going to the bathroom and seeing a pool of blood makes me want to ctb that instant, looking at the mirror, going outside and playing some sport as my chest hurts makes me want my self termination process to happen sooner. It is simply unbearable.

 

[justkenisfine]

I have a trans partner so the gender dysphoria that was literally killing me before has kind of been alleviated by having someone in my life who understands completely and accepts me as I am. And I accept them. Trans bodies are beautiful. Trans people are beautiful. Anyone who doesn't get that is just a dickhead lol

 

[lost-unfound]

I'd love to survive out of spite but at a certain point I think it's just an excuse to keep myself I'm alive because it still kind of scares me to admit that death is the best option

 

[irie]

I honestly wish I could view things that way and live out of spite, it feels like dying will only contribute to the statistics transphobes always want to bring up and it's kind of refreshing knowing i'm pissing them off just by existing but things are so difficult it's still immensely difficult to want to survive

 

[Unending]

I currently couldn't care less about living out of spite. I want it to end as soon as possible. This is a curse.

 

[blazysuzan]

i thrive off that shit, my existence alone is enough to piss people off (transphobes) n that is power that i thoroughly enjoy

 

[listless]

I have a trans partner so the gender dysphoria that was literally killing me before has kind of been alleviated by having someone in my life who understands completely and accepts me as I am. And I accept them. Trans bodies are beautiful. Trans people are beautiful. Anyone who doesn't get that is just a dickhead lol

i felt this, my friends and my partner make it a lot more bearable knowing they just see me for who i am. and also: yea trans people just rock and very beautiful, anyone who cant see that, its their loss really

and to everyone else whos posted: i feel you too, even those who have said its not enough to wanna keep going. i feel that sometimes too. i love you all and hope anyone reading this is having an ok day.