Feeling unreal

[sweater]

Is anyone else in a similar boat?
This whole year has taken a lot out of me. At the start of 2020, I was recovering from a very traumatic breakup (of a 10 year relationship) and an assault. I thought I was doing better, but as this year went on and things continued to suck, my brain has done a full revert back into itself. I spend so much of my day feeling like I am in a fog, and that none of this (life and the entirety of 2020) is real and that I'm on my last legs.

Honestly, it seems like I'm just living exclusively for the day where my SI shuts off and I'm able to finally end it. No other part of my life feels real, or like I even exist. If it wasn't for work and bills being my grasp on reality, I think my messed up brain would have convinced myself I don't exist.

I'm just so tired.

 

[Soulless Angel]

detachment?
its what I suffer with a lot, I often sit and question everything around me,
I am sorry to read you went through hell last year, sometimes our mind does things like this almost to protect us.

Have you tried looking into getting help for those feelings or in your mind is it pointless?

 

[sweater]

detachment?
its what I suffer with a lot, I often sit and question everything around me,
I am sorry to read you went through hell last year, sometimes our mind does things like this almost to protect us.

Have you tried looking into getting help for those feelings or in your mind is it pointless?

I appreciate the response. I guess I would call it detachment!

I'm currently in therapy, but with the state of the world as it is, I'm only able to have a 20 minute session once a month. We briefly talked about my feelings of unreality, but it was useless. All I ever get from therapists is that I control my own mind and I'm making myself feel like this and I should "stop these thoughts" (massive eye roll). My current therapist wants me to practice deep breathing when I have moments where I'm stuck in this feeling of not existing. But that only does so much lol

 

[Soulless Angel]

I appreciate the response. I guess I would call it detachment!

I'm currently in therapy, but with the state of the world as it is, I'm only able to have a 20 minute session once a month. We briefly talked about my feelings of unreality, but it was useless. All I ever get from therapists is that I control my own mind and I'm making myself feel like this and I should "stop these thoughts" (massive eye roll). My current therapist wants me to practice deep breathing when I have moments where I'm stuck in this feeling of not existing. But that only does so much lol

sounds like you have ended up with some dickhead therapists!!!
This forum isn't full of professionals, but a lot of us can relate to what you are going through, even if we all come from different backgrounds, I hope more will be along to offer support, I am crap at supporting, but I just wanted to respond and say I understand in some small ways how it feels to feel detached from everything around you

 

[perdredenord]

I appreciate the response. I guess I would call it detachment!

I'm currently in therapy, but with the state of the world as it is, I'm only able to have a 20 minute session once a month. We briefly talked about my feelings of unreality, but it was useless. All I ever get from therapists is that I control my own mind and I'm making myself feel like this and I should "stop these thoughts" (massive eye roll). My current therapist wants me to practice deep breathing when I have moments where I'm stuck in this feeling of not existing. But that only does so much lol

Gosh, wow, this hits me hard. I keep getting told to do grounding exercises, but no one seems to understand that it doesn't help when I feel like this isn't ~ true ~ reality. I wish there was another option to offer. I'm sorry.
I know it's not the best offer but I'm always open to talk if you ever need to vent or anything!

 

[BRAINWORMS]

Is anyone else in a similar boat?
This whole year has taken a lot out of me. At the start of 2020, I was recovering from a very traumatic breakup (of a 10 year relationship) and an assault. I thought I was doing better, but as this year went on and things continued to suck, my brain has done a full revert back into itself. I spend so much of my day feeling like I am in a fog, and that none of this (life and the entirety of 2020) is real and that I'm on my last legs.

Honestly, it seems like I'm just living exclusively for the day where my SI shuts off and I'm able to finally end it. No other part of my life feels real, or like I even exist. If it wasn't for work and bills being my grasp on reality, I think my messed up brain would have convinced myself I don't exist.

I'm just so tired.

Hey there. It sounds like you could be struggling with depersonalization/derealization. It's such a bizarre feeling that's difficult to explain to folks, especially therapists/counselors who haven't been extensively trained in treating it. I wish I had some solid advice to give that would offer you some perception of stability. For me, if I'm in states of DPDR, I try to cope by smothering my senses with soft textures and strong scents like lavender oil. I'll also turn lights low since most of my feelings of disconnection come from sensing that my surroundings look different or unfamiliar. It's not a perfect cure, but it does help as a sort of life preserver.

I hope you can find a sense of grounding soon. x

 

[Endeavour]

It's been a tough year for most people without the extra stresses you've had. I hope things get better in 2021, but right now in the UK (don't know where you are) it looks like we're going to kick it off with lockdowns - they announced the highest number of positive tests so far today - from about 41K yesterday to 53K today - but that includes missed numbers from over the holiday period.

It's just all doom and gloom every day at the minute, I'm sure they're trying to make us suicidal LoL. I expect the numbers of deaths tomorrow will be insanely high as they catch up on those numbers - I was thinking today would be 45K positives but was 53K. So on that basis the c.900 deaths I thought they'd announce tomorrow will probably be an insane number like 1600.

I hope not it's driving me nuts.

Take care OP.

 

[Meditation guide]

More doom and gloom: There is a new super infectious strain of covid. Same disease, just much much easier to spread and catch.
Also, scientists expect this is just a minor virus compared to an even worse one that will come along.

Imagine a group of scientists working in an air sealed bubble lab frantically trying to come up with another vaccine, as the human population dwindles down as if we are about to go extinct. I just hope it doesn't spread from us to animals.

In the U.S. the vaccine rollout so far has been as inept as everything else this year. Vaccines sit in storage rooms, unshipped and unused, due to no plans, no leadership, no one doing anything to organize how to get it to people. Of course all the politicians are getting their shots.

 

[Mentalmick]

More doom and gloom: There is a new super infectious strain of covid. Same disease, just much much easier to spread and catch.
Also, scientists expect this is just a minor virus compared to an even worse one that will come along.

Imagine a group of scientists working in an air sealed bubble lab frantically trying to come up with another vaccine, as the human population dwindles down as if we are about to go extinct. I just hope it doesn't spread from us to animals.

In the U.S. the vaccine rollout so far has been as inept as everything else this year. Vaccines sit in storage rooms, unshipped and unused, due to no plans, no leadership, no one doing anything to organize how to get it to people. Of course all the politicians are getting their shots.

There's going to be lots of enquiries once it's over with.

 

[Endeavour]

The best thing that could happen for animals is if we all croak. We're making them extinct at an alarming rate.
If any of you can get BBC programmes watch the wildlife documentary "extinction" by Sir David Attenborough.

No actually, if you're feeling suicidal don't.