リンさん
Rina • she/her, lesbian
- Sep 9, 2023
- 323
A weird thing I noticed about myself. In my case, my mom has been treating me very nicely lately.
She cooks for me, helps with cleaning when I can't function, always talks to me in a caring and supportive way, asks questions about stuff I do for work.
It's nice. It makes me feel grateful, but also really, really sad. I wanna cry thinking about someone being this nice to me and not expecting stuff in return. It feels wrong, like I don't deserve this treatment, because I'm afraid of "taking advantage" of her and being useless or unhelpful.
I'm needy, emotional and under stress these days, so I have been having many meltdowns. I lash out (not violently) because I get easily overstimulated when stressed (thanks, autism). Yet she still forgives me and I don't understand how.
It wasn't always this way, she used to be a lot more controlling and angry because of the abusive environment both of us were in at the time of my childhood. Maybe that's why it feels so strange, because I'm not really used to it still years later. I don't know.
She cooks for me, helps with cleaning when I can't function, always talks to me in a caring and supportive way, asks questions about stuff I do for work.
It's nice. It makes me feel grateful, but also really, really sad. I wanna cry thinking about someone being this nice to me and not expecting stuff in return. It feels wrong, like I don't deserve this treatment, because I'm afraid of "taking advantage" of her and being useless or unhelpful.
I'm needy, emotional and under stress these days, so I have been having many meltdowns. I lash out (not violently) because I get easily overstimulated when stressed (thanks, autism). Yet she still forgives me and I don't understand how.
It wasn't always this way, she used to be a lot more controlling and angry because of the abusive environment both of us were in at the time of my childhood. Maybe that's why it feels so strange, because I'm not really used to it still years later. I don't know.