Venting feeling suicidal again and it feels right oddly enough

[H-E-L]

I feel suicidal once again. I haven't felt this way for months but it's almost nostalgic this feeling as if I was coming back home. I just keep having these urges and it's kinda scary . I really don't know what to do anymore. it feels like a burden but I feel safe at the same time. I just keep cutting myself as well even tho I swore it off but I feel addicted to it. i want more cuts and more scars but i don't wanna get in trouble cuz of it since i still live with my mom and I'm still in school. Been feeling lonely as well, i do have friends in school but it feels like i never belong, tbf i feel i never belong anywhere, I'm just a loser and i ought to die soon