brokensea
Arcanist
- Aug 4, 2022
- 406
No one has to read this crazy rant. I just want to put it out somewhere in the world.
I was thinking of my ex and my absolute hatred of him. He completely destroyed my life. Lied to me. We were going to be together and have a family. He told me he was getting a divorce and leaving his wife and their relationship had been over for a year and they slept in separate rooms. She was so abusive to him. Cheated on him many times. He said so many words of love to me. Being together forever. Having a child from our love together. He said he loved me more than anyone and nothing was more important to him than me. He said when we died we'd be particles together forever. I was 40 years old and the doctor said I had a good chance to get pregnant. It was my dream to have a family and a baby. I felt happy for the first time in over a decade. I may have never felt so happy in my life. We were friends for 2 years before this happened. I thought I knew this person. We tried to have a baby for 3 months. I didn't have the dates right. Then he started to pull away said he felt guilty. Said he couldn't see me anymore. I was devestated. I didn't see him for a month then he begged me back and then saw me once then went back and forth with me for 6 months and said we'd have a baby, he loved me etc then changed his mind last minute and didn't see me for 6 months fucking with me knowing every month there was less and less chance for me to have a baby and this was the last year I could likely ever have a child. Knowing this was my dream but he wanted to have more fun playing with my emotions. He sent me something on Valentine's Day then I saw on his wife's Facebook this woman he supposedly has no relationship with he wrote her a card saying how he loves her and will be with her forever. I was destroyed by this. He said later he had to write it for his kids just to make everything look ok. It made no sense. He fucked with me for 2 years like this playing with me even after we broke up and left me for his wife and now I will never have a baby and I feel like a fool. He stressed me out early on when he started pulling away and being an asshole and I had a miscarriage and it happened at work and I bled all over my chair and had to leave work and he didn't even bother to call me. I was all alone. Then he dumped me right after. I sunk into a massive depression. I had no one and nothing anymore but him and I still talked to him and it was just a nightmare of hell of fighting and agony and him being a shit bag to me. Leading me on then saying he doesn't love me the next day. So many times I think of showing his wife, his kids, his work, videos and pictures and texts he sent me. I want to ruin his life like he did mine. He said and did so many things far too long to ever write out and the hatred I feel for him is enormous. I really wish he would die and I can't kill him obviously so I just feel I want to die just to obliterate every memory of him in my mind. To make him not exist. This hatred will never go away. I've never hated someone so much in my entire life. He even said he'd be here through this depression then 4 weeks ago said he needed space and he can't move on to his new life with me being so depressed and I guess such a bummer and I said I'm just going to die and he just was fine with that I guess cause he stopped talking to me. He is pure evil. Has a black hole for a heart and the most disgusting piece of human garbage to ever walk the earth. I literally hate him so much I just want to die so his memories and my knowledge of him die too. He is a POS monster. He gaslighted me so much and made it all my fault and made me feel guilty and like everything was my fault and I hate him for that too. I hate how fake he is and how fake nice he is and his fake life and him turning a blind eye to how horrible his wife treats their child. I hate him for so many things he's said and done to me. He broke every promise he ever made to me. I hate him to the core of my being and I wish he could die 1,000 times so I could watch it. I don't even want to exist on the same planet as him. I want his life ruined and him to lose all his dreams and hope and love and everything he is for someone else's amusement. I will never have children because I fell for his lies and I will never have the life I wanted because he came in to destroy it. I am so filled with rage. He said I could trust him. He'd never hurt me. He knew how hard my life had been. He was my friend. He said he would always be here for me. I can't do anything with this blinding rage I feel. The only way I'll ever be free of it is to not exist anymore.
I was thinking of my ex and my absolute hatred of him. He completely destroyed my life. Lied to me. We were going to be together and have a family. He told me he was getting a divorce and leaving his wife and their relationship had been over for a year and they slept in separate rooms. She was so abusive to him. Cheated on him many times. He said so many words of love to me. Being together forever. Having a child from our love together. He said he loved me more than anyone and nothing was more important to him than me. He said when we died we'd be particles together forever. I was 40 years old and the doctor said I had a good chance to get pregnant. It was my dream to have a family and a baby. I felt happy for the first time in over a decade. I may have never felt so happy in my life. We were friends for 2 years before this happened. I thought I knew this person. We tried to have a baby for 3 months. I didn't have the dates right. Then he started to pull away said he felt guilty. Said he couldn't see me anymore. I was devestated. I didn't see him for a month then he begged me back and then saw me once then went back and forth with me for 6 months and said we'd have a baby, he loved me etc then changed his mind last minute and didn't see me for 6 months fucking with me knowing every month there was less and less chance for me to have a baby and this was the last year I could likely ever have a child. Knowing this was my dream but he wanted to have more fun playing with my emotions. He sent me something on Valentine's Day then I saw on his wife's Facebook this woman he supposedly has no relationship with he wrote her a card saying how he loves her and will be with her forever. I was destroyed by this. He said later he had to write it for his kids just to make everything look ok. It made no sense. He fucked with me for 2 years like this playing with me even after we broke up and left me for his wife and now I will never have a baby and I feel like a fool. He stressed me out early on when he started pulling away and being an asshole and I had a miscarriage and it happened at work and I bled all over my chair and had to leave work and he didn't even bother to call me. I was all alone. Then he dumped me right after. I sunk into a massive depression. I had no one and nothing anymore but him and I still talked to him and it was just a nightmare of hell of fighting and agony and him being a shit bag to me. Leading me on then saying he doesn't love me the next day. So many times I think of showing his wife, his kids, his work, videos and pictures and texts he sent me. I want to ruin his life like he did mine. He said and did so many things far too long to ever write out and the hatred I feel for him is enormous. I really wish he would die and I can't kill him obviously so I just feel I want to die just to obliterate every memory of him in my mind. To make him not exist. This hatred will never go away. I've never hated someone so much in my entire life. He even said he'd be here through this depression then 4 weeks ago said he needed space and he can't move on to his new life with me being so depressed and I guess such a bummer and I said I'm just going to die and he just was fine with that I guess cause he stopped talking to me. He is pure evil. Has a black hole for a heart and the most disgusting piece of human garbage to ever walk the earth. I literally hate him so much I just want to die so his memories and my knowledge of him die too. He is a POS monster. He gaslighted me so much and made it all my fault and made me feel guilty and like everything was my fault and I hate him for that too. I hate how fake he is and how fake nice he is and his fake life and him turning a blind eye to how horrible his wife treats their child. I hate him for so many things he's said and done to me. He broke every promise he ever made to me. I hate him to the core of my being and I wish he could die 1,000 times so I could watch it. I don't even want to exist on the same planet as him. I want his life ruined and him to lose all his dreams and hope and love and everything he is for someone else's amusement. I will never have children because I fell for his lies and I will never have the life I wanted because he came in to destroy it. I am so filled with rage. He said I could trust him. He'd never hurt me. He knew how hard my life had been. He was my friend. He said he would always be here for me. I can't do anything with this blinding rage I feel. The only way I'll ever be free of it is to not exist anymore.
