Venting Feeling nothing since Meds and Psych Rant

[LivingDeadGirl]

So, long story kinda short, I've tried to kill myself many times over the last 2 decades and it was more a cry for help most of the time. Last attempt was years ago and after being locked up in a state facility for 10 months I finally decided I was done trying to get help from the mental health care system. Well, I decided to go back and give it one last shot a few months ago since I don't believe I was ever really ready to work on my issues before. Since I started back up, I've been forgotten about by my case manager, told she would work on multiple things to help and not one was ever done. My therapist can't even remember what we talk about and is eating food most of the time in sessions. She told me she wanted to see me weekly, then scheduled me 3 weeks later and when I called was told it wasn't in my chart to be seen weekly. How about you fucking ask her?! So I tell her to close my file cuz I'm drunk and don't care if I live. She says ok. Really? She must've closed the file so I was no longer their problem. Sitting here trying the hardest I ever have and they give me NOTHING.
On top of it, I was of course put on meds. Meds that I kept telling them I feel no different on. So they kept upping them. Guess what? I FEEL NOTHING. I used to get numb but I'd go outside and feel the cool air on my skin and feel alive, if even for a moment. Now theres nothing. All this team of ppl have done is push me closer to the edge. So I reopened my file, not to try and get help, but because I saw they were a new facility when I looked em up online and were raving about no suicides. So I want to be their first. Am I an ass? Probably, but I'm also very tired and this just proved to me what an uncaring world we live in when those who get paid to care dont. I gave it one last shot, Im done.

 

[schopenh]

> So I reopened my file, not to try and get help, but because I saw they were a new facility when I looked em up online and were raving about no suicides. So I want to be their first.

Your situation is clearly very sad. Nonetheless, I find this message/act/gesture to be iconic.

 

[LivingDeadGirl]

I have no family or friends to leave a note to. Instead I plan on leaving a detailed account of what I've gone through with my psych team. I may not have anyone to sue them, but I'm sure it'll cause some chaos.

 

[TheQ22]

I always think when there's a wall of text and no formatting that the person isn't thinking clearly. I don't think suggesting iconoclastic status if they hurt themselves is helpful in those situations.

I'm all for right to choose, but only in the right circumstances.

 

[Niirvana]

What was your diagnosis?

 

[Nelos]

I have no family or friends to leave a note to. Instead I plan on leaving a detailed account of what I've gone through with my psych team. I may not have anyone to sue them, but I'm sure it'll cause some chaos.

A bit vindictive

 

[LivingDeadGirl]

A bit vindictive

A bit, but they are a horrible health care system. Maybe this way my death will mean something.

What was your diagnosis?

bpd gad major depressive disorder

I always think when there's a wall of text and no formatting that the person isn't thinking clearly. I don't think suggesting iconoclastic status if they hurt themselves is helpful in those situations.

I'm all for right to choose, but only in the right circumstances.

This is my first post and I haven't used this format before. So when I hit tab and nothing happens I said f it. Also, it's not just cuz I'm mad at my psych team. As I said I've been suicidal for years and have had many attempts. This was just my last attempt to get help. So it's pushed me over the edge.

 

[Sinkinshyp]

I am so sorry you have had to go through all that. It sounds to me like your entire psych team are in the wrong profession, given everything you have said they might do better driving a garbage truck. No I do not think you are an ass. It is so hard to search out some help when you are so depressed. let alone going through all you have. I personally- would look for an entirely different team. I would try to file complaints and get them shut down so no one else has to go through this. " A bit, but they are a horrible health care system. Maybe this way my death will mean something. " suing them for the way they have treated you, bringing attention to their failure would mean something. See if there are any major law firms who would help you. If you want to CTB after- than by all means. I would make sure they were shut down if it were me

 

[fox21132113]

Me

A bit, but they are a horrible health care system. Maybe this way my death will mean something.

bpd gad major depressive disorder

This is my first post and I haven't used this format before. So when I hit tab and nothing happens I said f it. Also, it's not just cuz I'm mad at my psych team. As I said I've been suicidal for years and have had many attempts. This was just my last attempt to get help. So it's pushed me over the edge.

Same here

 

[LivingDeadGirl]

I've stated this on a reply on another post, the only reason I'm alive is my dog. He is my world and has severe anxiety that matches mine so I know if I died, he'd be put down. So when I stopped feeling as strongly about him and planning my death I sought help for one last try even just to make it long enough for him. Instead I got the opposite of what I planned on and realized even more how horrible the people in the world can be. So no I don't wanna die just to spite them. I've had "suicidal tendencies" for a very long time. Only once did I almost succeed. I wish I had, would've saved me another decade of pain.

 

[Chupacabra 44]

So, long story kinda short, I've tried to kill myself many times over the last 2 decades and it was more a cry for help most of the time. Last attempt was years ago and after being locked up in a state facility for 10 months I finally decided I was done trying to get help from the mental health care system. Well, I decided to go back and give it one last shot a few months ago since I don't believe I was ever really ready to work on my issues before. Since I started back up, I've been forgotten about by my case manager, told she would work on multiple things to help and not one was ever done. My therapist can't even remember what we talk about and is eating food most of the time in sessions. She told me she wanted to see me weekly, then scheduled me 3 weeks later and when I called was told it wasn't in my chart to be seen weekly. How about you fucking ask her?! So I tell her to close my file cuz I'm drunk and don't care if I live. She says ok. Really? She must've closed the file so I was no longer their problem. Sitting here trying the hardest I ever have and they give me NOTHING.
On top of it, I was of course put on meds. Meds that I kept telling them I feel no different on. So they kept upping them. Guess what? I FEEL NOTHING. I used to get numb but I'd go outside and feel the cool air on my skin and feel alive, if even for a moment. Now theres nothing. All this team of ppl have done is push me closer to the edge. So I reopened my file, not to try and get help, but because I saw they were a new facility when I looked em up online and were raving about no suicides. So I want to be their first. Am I an ass? Probably, but I'm also very tired and this just proved to me what an uncaring world we live in when those who get paid to care dont. I gave it one last shot, Im done.

No idea regarding your history with meds, but I took about 15 with zero positive until the 16th one was the answer to help myself. Not uncommon to require multiple combinations and plenty of trial and error before one might find an answer through pharacicuticals.

Meds dont work for everyone and I am not suggesting for you to take them, or not, I dont know your diagnosis, etc. But, if your current meds aren't working and you want a new medication, you have to keep advocating for yourself.

Good luck.

 

[Sk1n1M1n]

Meds do the same thing to me too a very awful numb feeling that makes you feel nothing at all. I can see why people catch the bus whilst on these meds.