Venting Feeling More Hopeless After Starting Therapy

[MisplacedGirl]

Today, I had my third therapy session, and I feel terrible. Although my therapist is very supportive, I can't help but feel worse. I told my therapist that I don't think I'll be able to stick around for very long, and she mentioned things such as having a great job or starting a family. I don't want to sound ungrateful or anything, but those are things that feel impossible to obtain due to my depression. That made me realise that I literally don't have anything here for me. Throughout the entire session today, I felt trapped in my mind, and I couldn't help but think that I'm beyond repair and that I'm just not meant for this world.

 

[born_borken]

Right here with you.
I am in a situation where my brain is the problem, and nothing I do can fix it. It really breaks me when people tells me "you can heal", "go to therapy"... Yep, I TRIED, I want to heal so bad. But nothing positive happens in therapy for me. I am not in a transient state, I don't know better.

However, if you are depressed, if you have felt different before, know this is temporary. Take your time to heal, try not judging yourself for what your life is right know. You are doing your best, with a condition that makes everything difficult. This condition is clouding your judgment about yourself and the world, but what you don't have today, you could get tomorrow when you will feel better.

 

[Raichu]

I am so sorry man. It somewhat happened to me as well. Depression hits really hard at times, but it shall get better I promise..

 

[Praestat_Mori]

Welcome to the forum. It'd be more important to know why you became so deeply depressed and what triggered the depression. Are those triggers eliminated? It's pretty hard to think about a great job or family or sth the like if the depression persists. I hope you find a way out of this.

 

[MisplacedGirl]

Welcome to the forum. It'd be more important to know why you became so deeply depressed and what triggered the depression. Are those triggers eliminated? It's pretty hard to think about a great job or family or sth the like if the depression persists. I hope you find a way out of this.

Thank you! I've been depressed since I was a kid. My parents divorced, and there's also a family history of mental illness. I'm still in contact with my toxic mum, so I suppose that's a big trigger.

 

[ForgottenAgain]

Hard to want to accomplish things like family and great job when one may have a hard time just getting out of bed. Those things are not guaranteed to make you happy either. I have a great job and I'm still deeply depressed. Surely won't be bringing another human into my life just to see if that fixes my depression.

You're not alone, like others have said, it would be good to understand what causes you to be depressed and if it's external factors, then fixing those could fix your depression

 

[Praestat_Mori]

Thank you! I've been depressed since I was a kid. My parents divorced, and there's also a family history of mental illness. I'm still in contact with my toxic mum, so I suppose that's a big trigger.

Yeah, sounds like very hard to break up that depression that you suffer from since decades. If you want to go the way of recovery there's a lot of hard work ahead of you. You can visit the recovery section here if you want to look for resources there.

When you have a few more posts you can also use the search and chat.