Venting Feeling like going insane

[MissWannaLive]

I thought I was doing a bit better but it hit me again. Once more my mind switched a flip and I'm on the edge. I've began to truly hate this school exchange along with my roommate since I already knew before, we played pretend to like each other but lately she is showing me how she despises me and how strongly we disagree (mostly because we are IT major but I want to switch into art to finally do something I enjoy and she cannot understand the difference between someone science smart and someone literature smart).
Worst part is that I am stuck for most of the time in one room with her and there is no where really where I can go. It doesn't help that the rest of my group is pretty much the same. Sitting closed off from people in my own home is not THAT bad but having to do the same with someone always watching and among people you don't like and vice versa just makes me feel sick more strongly.
I don't really know what to do since not even music is helping. I once more feel trapped inside and my mind is spiraling. I feel like crazy lunatic more and more with each day and all those stares and half–mean "sarcastic" comments are not helping. I don't have even anyone to talk about it since my friends just brush it off and there are no one else aside them to who I can open up.
I have two more weeks to live through but so far I'm seeing it all in dark shades.
So far nothing helps to get rid of any of that. I am just sitting paralyzed or waiting till my roommate falls asleep so I can go to the bathroom and cut myself and even that does not help as much as I wish it would.
I will probably get fine with few days my mind flipping the switch again but it's getting tiring to constantly switch between good and bad with everyone brushing everything off because "it's temporary!". Great it's temporary but the temporary hits me so much and from so long that I started self harm I swore I would never do. And no one truly believes when I'm saying something is wrong with my brain.
I truly wish CTB would take away that problem from me but for now I'm too much of a coward to try. For now even if I'm frozen by the distress something that is getting extinguished still wishes to hold on but I'm feeling like with each "episode" I'm loosing more and more. This site is basically my only outlet right now and I'm feeling more chaotic with each word.

 

[StupidCat]

Back in college I had to share a room and it was hellish. I'm a sort of autistic secretive individual and although I pretended to like my roommate, they felt like I hated them which was not wrong. I used to writr poetry to take the feelings out, going back reading them they are still heavy. Follow what you think is best, considering switching to art, if you are stuck, try going out more often, I used to go for walks even though I'm pretty introverted myself.

 

[Brainless]

Back in college I had to share a room and it was hellish. I'm a sort of autistic secretive individual and although I pretended to like my roommate, they felt like I hated them which was not wrong. I used to writr poetry to take the feelings out, going back reading them they are still heavy. Follow what you think is best, considering switching to art, if you are stuck, try going out more often, I used to go for walks even though I'm pretty introverted myself.

Self expression is a very good way to cope, you need to recharge your social battery or find a way to just exist and not think for a while. Walking is good for both or exercising in general.

 

[MissWannaLive]

Back in college I had to share a room and it was hellish. I'm a sort of autistic secretive individual and although I pretended to like my roommate, they felt like I hated them which was not wrong. I used to writr poetry to take the feelings out, going back reading them they are still heavy. Follow what you think is best, considering switching to art, if you are stuck, try going out more often, I used to go for walks even though I'm pretty introverted myself.

Self expression is a very good way to cope, you need to recharge your social battery or find a way to just exist and not think for a while. Walking is good for both or exercising in general.

Thank both of you. I generally try to self express myself through art and try to go out but in a totally different country it's still a bit hard. I always feel like I'm not really fitting with people outside and that people look at my every move. Although both advices help sometimes. Anyway thank you for reading that rant<333
Hope you guys are doing good<333

 

[Pale_Rider]

Ive felt like going insane in a mindset where patience didnt even exist. I can relate.