Venting Feeling like an outcast

[Popcornmew]

On september 1st i attempted suicide with insulin, 1000 units, wich didnt work and i do not reccomend it.
I was hospitalized and got out today. I sadly found out my aunt doesnt give a crap about me at all. At all. Wich made me very sad and confused. My dad sexually assaults me verbally and i live alone in his house (he comes home sometimes like once every 2 months). So I have no one that cares about me. I have no friends.
I am incredibly happy and thankful i found this site. The only thing i want in this life is to die without pain. I have no interest in living at all.
While searching here for a method i can only feel like a dumb outcast :( while people are actively working on getting supplies and preparing i can only feel that every method is very hard for me. I feel stuck and trapped in living! I only want to ctb but the more i research the sadder i get. I am fully aware that getting all of the supplies to SN for example would be too hard for me. I couldnt do it. Soon i will have to take a course so i can have some money to survive and i trully do not feel i will be able to do it.
I have been living off of money i inherited for the past 2 years, only lying down all day everyday
All i feel is despair and i cant think clearly. I know all i need is to ctb but i cant find a method i can follow through. My mind is clouded and i am a mess..
Any help or comments would be deeply appreciated.

 

[catflowers]

On september 1st i attempted suicide with insulin, 1000 units, wich didnt work and i do not reccomend it.
I was hospitalized and got out today. I sadly found out my aunt doesnt give a crap about me at all. At all. Wich made me very sad and confused. My dad sexually assaults me verbally and i live alone in his house (he comes home sometimes like once every 2 months). So I have no one that cares about me. I have no friends.
I am incredibly happy and thankful i found this site. The only thing i want in this life is to die without pain. I have no interest in living at all.
While searching here for a method i can only feel like a dumb outcast :( while people are actively working on getting supplies and preparing i can only feel that every method is very hard for me. I feel stuck and trapped in living! I only want to ctb but the more i research the sadder i get. I am fully aware that getting all of the supplies to SN for example would be too hard for me. I couldnt do it. Soon i will have to take a course so i can have some money to survive and i trully do not feel i will be able to do it.
I have been living off of money i inherited for the past 2 years, only lying down all day everyday
All i feel is despair and i cant think clearly. I know all i need is to ctb but i cant find a method i can follow through. My mind is clouded and i am a mess..
Any help or comments would be deeply appreciated.

dude if you are living off inherited money and fucking on the forum asking for methods i amn done with some of these people dude if you can't get sn get a gun and blow your brains out

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand your feelings towards ctb methods. Dying can be very difficult and complicated and it really should be easier to leave. None of us should ever have to feel trapped here. Having limited access to methods is what keeps me here in this world. It sounds like you have been through a lot and I cannot even imagine how awful it must be having to endure all that. Life does just seem to be endless misery with no relief. I hope that you find freedom from your suffering.

 

[Popcornmew]

I understand your feelings towards ctb methods. Dying can be very difficult and complicated and it really should be easier to leave. None of us should ever have to feel trapped here. Having limited access to methods is what keeps me here in this world. It sounds like you have been through a lot and I cannot even imagine how awful it must be having to endure all that. Life does just seem to be endless misery with no relief. I hope that you find freedom from your suffering.

It really is hard to ctb :( i will continue to read here in hopes i can find something that i can do

 

[catflowers]

It really is hard to ctb :( i will continue to read here in hopes i can find something that i can do

do you have any experience with chem because you can kill yourself that way

 

[emgrl]

@Popcornmew If you need to talk, you can PM me anytime

 

[hellispink]

It must be very difficult going through this. Talking from my own experience, the first suggestion I can give you is to stop and breathe. I know the desire is intense but impulsively made decisions only bring more problems and chaos. What I did is that I took some time to plan and think through my limited options. I know how difficult is wanting to be out and not being able to figure out a method. But patience and cold mind is key. If you research enough under search and use different words, there is a lot of information that could be very useful for reading.

 

[TheSkyIsBlue]

I'm very sorry you're going through this. Unfortunately I don't know how to help you but I wish you the best.

 

[Popcornmew]

It must be very difficult going through this. Talking from my own experience, the first suggestion I can give you is to stop and breathe. I know the desire is intense but impulsively made decisions only bring more problems and chaos. What I did is that I took some time to plan and think through my limited options. I know how difficult is wanting to be out and not being able to figure out a method. But patience and cold mind is key. If you research enough under search and use different words, there is a lot of information that could be very useful for reading.

I have been wanting to die for a long time now. I will search more but all i feel is hopelesness in it

 

[jodes2]

What about SN is hard? It took time for me to collect up the ingredients but it's very doable once you know sources

 

[Popcornmew]

What about SN is hard? It took time for me to collect up the ingredients but it's very doable once you know sources

Getting SN itself seems easy, but the other medications are not available online right? How would i get them?

 

[jodes2]

Getting SN itself seems easy, but the other medications are not available online right? How would i get them?

PM me for online source