Feeling like a ghost

[hobbydevil]

Lately, as my end date is slowly but surely approaching (early next year, around my birthday which is in early February), I've been feeling like I'm already dead... except I'm not and still in emotional pain 24/7.

What I mean is... this ghostly feeling of watching everyone around you carry on with their busy lives. My family members making vacation plans for the far future, classmates preparing for exchange semesters next year, friends planning weddings... meanwhile here I am, planning for my last days on earth and trying to get all the things on my short bucket list done.
There is little doubt in my mind that I'm not going to be alive anymore next spring.

I'm visiting my parents and my younger sister right now, and I'm up late while everyone is sleeping, just... imagining what it will be like for them when I'm gone. It feels unreal... and pretty horrible knowing that I will cause them so much pain in a few months. But part of me just can't shake this feeling like I'm already dead anyway. I'm this shell of a person who has already moved on.

Can anyone relate? (Probably.)

 

[BleedingHeart]

I relate so much to your feelings in this post and I'm sorry you're going through this too in your own way. <3

 

[MeltingHeart]

an old thread I started: https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/feel-like-a-ghost-already.24670/

I feel sad as I know you must be pretty young as you still studying etc. I know that just because I am older that doesnt make my suffering anymore valid then anyone else- it just sometimes makes me feel like there is more potenial to still turn things around and have a good future- but I cant judge-just because I never felt that way at that age- I just find it harder to understand. I always want to try and offer suggestions-but fear that they will be too obvious and verging on the patronizing or whatever, as I am sure you must have explored help and treatment options already. But I am sorry you feel you are in so much emotional pain.

 

[hobbydevil]

an old thread I started: https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/feel-like-a-ghost-already.24670/

I feel sad as I know you must be pretty young as you still studying etc. I know that just because I am older that doesnt make my suffering anymore valid then anyone else- it just sometimes makes me feel like there is more potenial to still turn things around and have a good future- but I cant judge-just because I never felt that way at that age- I just find it harder to understand. I always want to try and offer suggestions-but fear that they will be too obvious and verging on the patronizing or whatever, as I am sure you must have explored help and treatment options already. But I am sorry you feel you are in so much emotional pain.

I can understand how you are feeling, I think. Even though I am pro-choice, I also often feel the wish to reach out to people here and "talk them out of it".

I am actually currently in treatment. I have a very nice therapist who I adore. I'm just afraid she can't do much about my situation other than listen to me. She'll be another person who will be so disappointed next year...