Feeling less suicidal because method is accessible?

[Felix007]

So i bought rope, looked up how to make knots and know that im probably gonna pass out quickly once my head is in the noose.. now somehow (knowing its accessible and handy) my suicidical feelings are getting.. less?
Like, dont get me wrong, my life absolutely sucks, but its like i fixed the whole rope and shit today and was like should i really do it now?
Anybody else noticed this?

 

[outrider567]

No--Once my Nitrogen got here, there was a big sense of relief--It did not lessen my desire to CTB at all, quite the opposite

 

[Obliviate]

Actually yes, It's weird. When I found out that I could have all my supplies delivered to me I was so happy and relieved that I found a way. Now close to my exit, SI is kicking in badly. I think it's very normal to feel this way. We are living humans getting ready to die. It's not easy mentally or physically. I think it's almost fear that wow the thing I have to kill me is right in front of me. SO it makes you second guess that "Umm maybe I should give life another shot?" But that's the old SI kicking in. We were programmed this way. No worries

 

[farakini]

Only in the beginning. I was excited after waiting so long for my SN to arrive. Now that I have it and life still sucks, I'm actually having to force myself to stay until the date chosen.

 

[jodes2]

Once my SN got here I was less suicidal, though maybe for a different reason. I just can't do it to my gf

 

[Felix007]

Actually yes, It's weird. When I found out that I could have all my supplies delivered to me I was so happy and relieved that I found a way. Now close to my exit, SI is kicking in badly. I think it's very normal to feel this way. We are living humans getting ready to die. It's not easy mentally or physically. I think it's almost fear that wow the thing I have to kill me is right in front of me. SO it makes you second guess that "Umm maybe I should give life another shot?" But that's the old SI kicking in. We were programmed this way. No worries

Yeah i think youre right, SI is our biological programming, so no matter how shit your life is, your brain will always want to continue for this reason, we just have to override this instinct..

 

[NoLightRemains]

I got my SN 4 months or so ago and it was such a big relief. I remember how giddy and happy I was. It let me attempt recovery again, while still having this as my fallback. I had no intention of using it at the time, but I wanted to buy it early because of concerns that it would be restricted soon.

This whole thing is a long process. The SI comes and goes in waves, but I feel like it is just me realizing "I'm actually close to dying" and reconsidering for the time being.

 

[Zulu]

I actually feel better and less stressed having the means to ctb right by my side. I think I'd be a helluva lot more suicidal and panicking if those means were ever taken away from me. Just knowing that I can leave at a moment's notice if everything goes to hell again is comforting, and in a fucked up way, gives me courage to keep on going in this life.

I think it's about having control over one's life, and not feeling trapped. Feeling trapped with no means of escape is what makes my suicidal ideation shoot through the roof.

 

[SarRy]

Not uncommon. It can take the stress out of living to know that there is another option. Consider life. Be brave. Think about what you could do to make your life better. Think about what you would want. As they say, "You can always kill yourself tomorrow, so why not try everything else first?" Sometimes all it takes is knowing there's a way out to not be afraid to live.

I hope you find peace.

 

[Summer Child]

I feel the same way about self harm. Just having the tools available helps me feel secure, knowing I can do it anytime. Or even just dip if I want to. Feels like I have a way out, so I feel a little more confident.

 

[universe]

I have observed a real evolution in the level of suicidal thoughts. I have always been suicidal, but not as much as during my research for a method.
When I started my search to order SN and hadn't found it yet, it was awful. I had such anxiety that I would never find a method and be forced to stay on Earth until I was 80. I think my desire to die was at its peak.

Once I had everything I needed, the moment of survival arrived like magic when I had never had it in my life. I was sick, I felt guilty, I told myself that maybe it would be stupid, that maybe God existed and that I would end up in hell. As @Obliviate aptly said…

Today it's pretty much fine, the SI has calmed down. But I know it can come back, you never know. It is a real inner struggle to know that one is going to die and to prepare for one's death. I still wish to die, but I calmed down. It's no longer a desire for BTC tinged with anxiety and sadness but a desire for peace, a spiritual journey. I know I have everything I need, it's coming soon. I try to reassure myself, find peace, tell myself that I will soon be happy because my departure is near.

 

[HermitLonerGuy]

Because before you were in a large room , you enjoyed it some days , some days you didnt like it and some days it were unbearable but it was locked and you couldnt get out so it made you feel trapped and that compounded the bad days.

now you have the key to leave and it makes you relieved to know you can leave anytime you want.

 

[makethepainstop]

Because before you were in a large room , you enjoyed it some days , some days you didnt like it and some days it were unbearable but it was locked and you couldnt get out so it made you feel trapped and that compounded the bad days.

now you have the key to leave and it makes you relieved to know you can leave anytime you want.

Exactly, I was giddy with excitement, my joy and delight knew no bounds. In my mind I was cackling with glee, and rubbing my hands together. Until I found out I bought the wrong stuff.

 

[HermitLonerGuy]

Exactly, I was giddy with excitement, my joy and delight knew no bounds. In my mind I was cackling with glee, and rubbing my hands together. Until I found out I bought the wrong stuff.

sorry mate, well at least you have hope that you can get the right stuff one day and feel free again.

 

[makethepainstop]

sorry mate, well at least you have hope that you can get the right stuff one day and feel free again.

I'm working on that now. "There is a way around everything, you just have to find it!"

 

[HermitLonerGuy]

I'm working on that now. "There is a way around everything, you just have to find it!"

Youre lucky, i wish i had a good method.
im thinking either jumping or drowning.

 

[BlackWednesday]

It's natural. The closer you come to attempting the harder SI kicks in.

 

[Felix007]

Youre lucky, i wish i had a good method.
im thinking either jumping or drowning.

Buy a rope, look up how to tie the knots etc. super easy, thats my method now. The only hard thing is SI then..

 

[LaVieEnRose]

What you're describing is a pretty universal sentiment.

 

[theboy]

It is the classic SI

 

[earshurt]

I think it's a power/control thing. We crave control over our circumstances - and knowing we have that option to CTB gives us a sense of control, in a twisted way.

Once we have access to a method, we get into the mindset of "there's no turning back if I do this, but thanks to this tool I can always CTB later if need be."

 

[sauan]

It's normal. Having the way-out at your disposition gives you mental strength and courage.
Most of the people (80%) that receive the green light for the assisted suicide in Switzerland (at Dignitas) don't even show up when they are due to die.

 

[bro2089]

Buy a rope, look up how to tie the knots etc. super easy, thats my method now. The only hard thing is SI then..

Hi,
Would you recommend resources / pictures / easy to understand instructions for hanging? The reason I'm asking is that I have the majority of books in PDF format but they're very technical or hard to understand. Also you (or anyone else) can PM me a link.

Thanks.

 

[AnonymousS]

So i bought rope, looked up how to make knots and know that im probably gonna pass out quickly once my head is in the noose.. now somehow (knowing its accessible and handy) my suicidical feelings are getting.. less?
Like, dont get me wrong, my life absolutely sucks, but its like i fixed the whole rope and shit today and was like should i really do it now?
Anybody else noticed this?

Yes that's kind of understandable, sometimes just the fact of knowing i have enough medication for my anxiety seems to reduce it somewhat. When i am actively suicidal, and i have everything planned it does help calm me. It doesn't reduce my desire to go through with it, but it's maybe a parodoxical feeling of relaxation and peace.

 

[HermitLonerGuy]

Buy a rope, look up how to tie the knots etc. super easy, thats my method now. The only hard thing is SI then..

thanks il give it a go , btw wont the store get suspicous that im buying rope? what should i tell them?

 

[lifeORdeath]

Just received mine. Shocked to have received it.
After having first batch taken.

Thought I was relieved. Sort of am bcuz if "need it", then it's there. But also sad and pressured by my own being, because I know if I get in a funk I will use it and it won't be any turning back this time. I feel doomed because it may be my destiny that I have carved out for my own life, making stupid decisions that I can't handle to results of.

Sad for family that won't understand and will be hurt for life from it.
I can't live with being a piece of crap, so if it comes to it, it's there. I just hope it's good enough to get the job done.

I have been downing the benzo doses and it's having a negative effect. I haven't been eating well and forcing myself to groom and bathe has been in itself a challenge. I don't know how much longer I will be around. Any kind of bad news and I'm going to have to check out. I hate it for the folks around me.

I do love.them and want to be around them. But not like I am now, not in my mental state where I'm not who I used to be. Not the person to them they once knew and I don't want to mess them up by my behavior or craziness. I am pushing them away and making some hate me by being crazy.

 

[HelloIamSummer]

I completely relate to that. Once I found a method, ordered everything, I realised I could actually do it. I've always been thinking about ctb a lot. But when I had the means to do so, I started thinking more. I realised I'm not ready and who knows, maybe I never will be. I'm strangely okay with that.

 

[whitefeather]

Many patients fill RX for assisted death and never take it , statistics show.

 

[Freebird4567]

It's having the security of knowing if you wanted to ctb you could right there and then.

 

[Life interrupted]

Hanging is not as easy as you might think but I understand why you are relieved and less suicidal though