J
Jimblue
Student
- Sep 10, 2022
- 199
Sorry today is just another hard day. I start feeling it's harder and harder to take care of my husband who has bipolar disorder.
I don't know how come a person has so much anger and can always take things in a very negative way. He has been suspended from his job for 2 weeks.
Yesterday I bought him an expensive gift to cheer him up. His colleague and wife invited us to come for dinner to yesterday evening and they want to him feel better. They bought lots of food too cook and expensive drink. I asked him if he want to go days before. And told him if he does not want to go, don't have to go.
However he decided he did not want to go in the last minute and said "people just want to hurt/harm him." And refused to say he did not want to go to his colleague. So I have to explain to them and deep apologies to them. I felt so bad and guilty, because people spent so many money and effort to support him and they mean well. But he just think things in a very negative way and blame the world. And he just left situation to me to deal with.
Today we travelled to another city and there is a traffic jam. Then he started yelling shouting swelling in the car such as "using clutch, you fucking cunt." " don't slowing down just because you are taking a bend, you twat." "Fucking life, fucking world, I fucking hate everything."
After we parked the car, went to a showing mall. He kept shouting and swelling in the public because he could not find the toliet.
I told him I knew where it is but he still not able to stop his challenge behaviours and took anger on me. Sometimes he will shouting to random people on the streets without any reason.
His behaviour are usually worse when he was in home. Any tiny thing went wrong, he started shouting, swelling, punching and smashing the furniture or doors. If I tried to stop him, he will take anger on him.
I start feeling it is harder and harder to dealing with his challenge behaviours now. And mental illness is not the excuse for anyone behaviours like that. He is not like me, he does not have too much suicidal thoughts. Use his own worlds, he just hate people, hate world.
And he knew I have PTSD, his behaviour is really make me scared.
Today feeling I just want to CTB immediately, I can not take any more.
I don't know how come a person has so much anger and can always take things in a very negative way. He has been suspended from his job for 2 weeks.
Yesterday I bought him an expensive gift to cheer him up. His colleague and wife invited us to come for dinner to yesterday evening and they want to him feel better. They bought lots of food too cook and expensive drink. I asked him if he want to go days before. And told him if he does not want to go, don't have to go.
However he decided he did not want to go in the last minute and said "people just want to hurt/harm him." And refused to say he did not want to go to his colleague. So I have to explain to them and deep apologies to them. I felt so bad and guilty, because people spent so many money and effort to support him and they mean well. But he just think things in a very negative way and blame the world. And he just left situation to me to deal with.
Today we travelled to another city and there is a traffic jam. Then he started yelling shouting swelling in the car such as "using clutch, you fucking cunt." " don't slowing down just because you are taking a bend, you twat." "Fucking life, fucking world, I fucking hate everything."
After we parked the car, went to a showing mall. He kept shouting and swelling in the public because he could not find the toliet.
I told him I knew where it is but he still not able to stop his challenge behaviours and took anger on me. Sometimes he will shouting to random people on the streets without any reason.
His behaviour are usually worse when he was in home. Any tiny thing went wrong, he started shouting, swelling, punching and smashing the furniture or doors. If I tried to stop him, he will take anger on him.
I start feeling it is harder and harder to dealing with his challenge behaviours now. And mental illness is not the excuse for anyone behaviours like that. He is not like me, he does not have too much suicidal thoughts. Use his own worlds, he just hate people, hate world.
And he knew I have PTSD, his behaviour is really make me scared.
Today feeling I just want to CTB immediately, I can not take any more.