Venting Feeling hopeful about my death.

[meatfleshprison]

I've been lurking on this site for a week or so and decided that SN is my most viable option. (i'm already prescribed an antiemetic, have strong pain killers and a dealer for a good sedative.)

It's so comforting to me that death is just an order of SN away. This is the most happy and safe I've felt in years. I recently got broken up with by my boyfriend of four years. I've felt so lethargic, and hopeless for the past two weeks. Finding out that SN is not only the most available option, but the most peaceful with little damage if it fails has been such a weight off my shoulders.

This isn't an impulse decision, as I've been suicidal for the better half of six years. I guess that the recent events of my life have been the final straw, as it's ripped away the only hope left in me. I'm conflicted on when I want to do this. I don't know if giving the next few months the go-ahead is a smart idea, as it's just been so hard to even wake up in the morning. I don't know if I could take this suffering anymore.

I have an extreme case of BPD that leaves me feeling empty all of the time, and even more so recently. I can't wait for this body to not be my own soon.

 

[FuneralCry]

It must be a relief to be able to access a reliable method so easily and I understand why you would feel so comforted by the thought of being gone as of course there is no real relief from suffering in this world. But anyway best wishes.

 

[SilentSadness]

I agree with @FuneralCry and hope you find peace from your suffering and insecurity. I wish I could be in the position to leave when I want to. Sadly this cruel world mistreats suicidal people to the highest degree.

 

[lukas19]

I've been lurking on this site for a week or so and decided that SN is my most viable option. (i'm already prescribed an antiemetic, have strong pain killers and a dealer for a good sedative.)

It's so comforting to me that death is just an order of SN away. This is the most happy and safe I've felt in years. I recently got broken up with by my boyfriend of four years. I've felt so lethargic, and hopeless for the past two weeks. Finding out that SN is not only the most available option, but the most peaceful with little damage if it fails has been such a weight off my shoulders.

This isn't an impulse decision, as I've been suicidal for the better half of six years. I guess that the recent events of my life have been the final straw, as it's ripped away the only hope left in me. I'm conflicted on when I want to do this. I don't know if giving the next few months the go-ahead is a smart idea, as it's just been so hard to even wake up in the morning. I don't know if I could take this suffering anymore.

I have an extreme case of BPD that leaves me feeling empty all of the time, and even more so recently. I can't wait for this body to not be my own soon.

Hopefully you know a source for it rather than IC as that seems to be shut down

 

[man_in_red:)]

It seems love is and always will be a double edged sword. Won't have to worry about that after SN atleast.