Venting feeling guilty

[letting it linger]

last weekend i had a panic attack that for whatever reason led me to message my sister that i almost committed. she left me on delivered. i wanted to hang myself but i just spent hours crying at the thought of traumatising them.

idk why i still feel so much guilt for people who don't even care about me or how i feel. i live with my family but i've been bed rotting for almost a month now and haven't spoken more than 50 words to them. when my sister was depressed i would try to be there for her. i would text her, try defending her from my parents even when i thought she was in the wrong.

i feel so much guilt for wanting to go even though they are one of the reasons i feel this way. i feel undeserving of anyone's time, and posting this feels oddly selfish. i've read some stories on here, and i can't help but feel horribly unreasonable when my problems seem so trivial and childish, but i can't stop feeling the way i feel. i feel so small and undeserving of anyone's time and effort. i feel guilt for whoever is about to waste their time reading this. i'm sorry.

 

[opheliaoveragain]

Hey there,

I can ID with the panic and letting things slip and having that initial rush of, maybe THIS person will be different IRL, but I got it thrown in my face that even talking rationally about this is such deep taboo that "normies" can't handle it. It's a shit feeling to feel alone. But you're not. We're here, message me if you ever want to talk <3 I hope you find peace.