Feeling Frustrated at my SI

[ChiseHatori]

I know I would've done it when I was a kid if it wasn't for the damn instinct.

I'm sick of finally getting so close and then losing it and barely even hurting myself because of my SI.

I keep battling it my head, if I want to and if it's worth it, but then I know, my SI won't even give me the choice.

And on top of that, I can't drink or take any drugs to prevent it.

I'm at another low... I want to see this through and maybe feel better, and maybe I'll be thankful for my SI. But right now I despise it.

I'm also thinking about dad again. I still don't know if he was drunk when it happened. I imagine he was. But I'll probably never know.

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand why you'd feel so frustrated, I hate how it's so difficult to die, it's like the SI exists just to prolong suffering and keep us trapped here, it would be a relief if suicide actually is straightforward.