Feeling excited to die

[BlueButterfly111]

I ordered my Sn yesterday, and when I found out that everything went through correctly I was overjoyed. Like this feeling of excitement came over me like a kid on Christmas morning.

Then I came to a realization about how crazy and sad it is that my life has come to this point. And I know I shouldn't necessarily be excited to die, but relieved to leave this world, because I don't know for sure what death brings. But it is for sure exciting to think about having Sn as a method option, having a relatively peaceful way to go in this world where all these people want to keep us trapped here.

But I can't help but think about my boyfriend who passed away over 6 months ago. Maybe that's where a lot of the excitement about death comes from, because I really wanna be with him again. He's literally always on my mind and all that I think about is him. I just feel like he's still with me, and that I might see him again when I die. It's just a feeling, I'm not religious and idk what will happen. I'm just ready to for death. I can't wait until it actually gets here, and I hope the process goes well!

 

[parasite_eve]

I ordered my Sn yesterday, and when I found out that everything went through correctly I was overjoyed. Like this feeling of excitement came over me like a kid on Christmas morning.

Then I came to a realization about how crazy and sad it is that my life has come to this point. And I know I shouldn't necessarily be excited to die, but relieved to leave this world, because I don't know for sure what death brings. But it is for sure exciting to think about having Sn as a method option, having a relatively peaceful way to go in this world where all these people want to keep us trapped here.

But I can't help but think about my boyfriend who passed away over 6 months ago. Maybe that's where a lot of the excitement about death comes from, because I really wanna be with him again. He's literally always on my mind and all that I think about is him. I just feel like he's still with me, and that I might see him again when I die. It's just a feeling, I'm not religious and idk what will happen. I'm just ready to for death. I can't wait until it actually gets here and I hope the process goes well!

Happy for you and also sorry that it's come to this - but feeling similarly giddy having just sorted the last of my n2 setup plus got my will signed and witnessed. So funny to have a person tell me, "hopefully not for many more years!" And to play along like yes, sure, whatever you say

 

[BlueButterfly111]

Happy for you and also sorry that it's come to this - but feeling similarly giddy having just sorted the last of my n2 setup plus got my will signed and witnessed. So funny to have a person tell me, "hopefully not for many more years!" And to play along like yes, sure, whatever you say

Thank you so much! I'm so happy for you as well! Lol yes that's so true and relatable, like if only they knew!

 

[mango000]

im sorry that things have come to this for you, but im really glad that youre feeling happy now ^-^

im not a religious person myself and i dont believe in any kind of afterlife, but i do really hope that im wrong and you get to see your boyfriend. it sounds like you really must love him a lot.

im going to ctb via sn in a couple of hours myself, i hope we can both find the peace that we deserve

 

[BlueButterfly111]

im sorry that things have come to this for you, but im really glad that youre feeling happy now ^-^

im not a religious person myself and i dont believe in any kind of afterlife, but i do really hope that im wrong and you get to see your boyfriend. it sounds like you really must love him a lot.

im going to ctb via sn in a couple of hours myself, i hope we can both find the peace that we deserve

Awww thank you so much, I really appreciate it! Yes I love and miss him a lot, thank you for saying that, that's so sweet! I really hope you find peace as well. Maybe in death, we all will find whatever peace and paradise we deserve. I've had thoughts that maybe it's not all black and white and it might be a different journey for every individual. Yes! I hope you find peace as well I wish you peace on wherever your journey leads you

 

[nomoredolor]

I ordered my Sn yesterday, and when I found out that everything went through correctly I was overjoyed. Like this feeling of excitement came over me like a kid on Christmas morning.

Then I came to a realization about how crazy and sad it is that my life has come to this point. And I know I shouldn't necessarily be excited to die, but relieved to leave this world, because I don't know for sure what death brings. But it is for sure exciting to think about having Sn as a method option, having a relatively peaceful way to go in this world where all these people want to keep us trapped here.

But I can't help but think about my boyfriend who passed away over 6 months ago. Maybe that's where a lot of the excitement about death comes from, because I really wanna be with him again. He's literally always on my mind and all that I think about is him. I just feel like he's still with me, and that I might see him again when I die. It's just a feeling, I'm not religious and idk what will happen. I'm just ready to for death. I can't wait until it actually gets here, and I hope the process goes well!

I relate. Hugs and love to you. May you spend forever in the cosmos together
Anna

 

[human909]

I understand why you are feeling so happy, finally get to leave this world whenever you like. it must feel so relaxing. I hope you find peace soon and i wish u good luck.

 

[BlueButterfly111]

I relate. Hugs and love to you. May you spend forever in the cosmos together
Anna

Hugs back to you as well! "Forever in the cosmos together," I love that. I hope both of us will be reunited with our beloved on the other side!

I understand why you are feeling so happy, finally get to leave this world whenever you like. it must feel so relaxing. I hope you find peace soon and i wish u good luck.

Yes that's true, thank you! I hope you find peace as well, and I wish you good luck also!

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand why you'd feel relief, I wish you the best.

 

[L'absent]

Reading your words, it is clear how much this moment holds meaning and anticipation for you. The excitement you describe is understandable, considering the sense of relief you feel at finally having a concrete option to end your suffering. It is natural to experience conflicting emotions when reaching such a definitive decision: on one hand, the awareness of your current situation, and on the other, the feeling of relief in knowing that there is an exit that feels like yours.
The bond with your boyfriend is a central part of what you are experiencing. His memory is always present, and the desire to see him again is something that gives meaning to what you are feeling now. It is interesting that you recognize this sensation not as something tied to religious beliefs, but rather as an inner perception, something you deeply feel.
Your clarity in describing all of this shows how much you have already reflected on your choice and its meaning. You are aware that you do not know what comes next, yet this does not seem to diminish your desire to move towards whatever awaits you. The fact that you also express hope that the process goes smoothly indicates that you have carefully considered every aspect.
You have shared a deeply intimate and profound thought, and it is evident that this decision represents more than just an act for you—it is the closing of a chapter lived intensely, marked by pain but also by love and memories that still accompany you.

 

[BlueButterfly111]

Reading your words, it is clear how much this moment holds meaning and anticipation for you. The excitement you describe is understandable, considering the sense of relief you feel at finally having a concrete option to end your suffering. It is natural to experience conflicting emotions when reaching such a definitive decision: on one hand, the awareness of your current situation, and on the other, the feeling of relief in knowing that there is an exit that feels like yours.
The bond with your boyfriend is a central part of what you are experiencing. His memory is always present, and the desire to see him again is something that gives meaning to what you are feeling now. It is interesting that you recognize this sensation not as something tied to religious beliefs, but rather as an inner perception, something you deeply feel.
Your clarity in describing all of this shows how much you have already reflected on your choice and its meaning. You are aware that you do not know what comes next, yet this does not seem to diminish your desire to move towards whatever awaits you. The fact that you also express hope that the process goes smoothly indicates that you have carefully considered every aspect.
You have shared a deeply intimate and profound thought, and it is evident that this decision represents more than just an act for you—it is the closing of a chapter lived intensely, marked by pain but also by love and memories that still accompany you.

Wow, that was beautiful to read, thank you so much! You write so beautifully and poetically. This was a deeply heartfelt message, and the way you described everything is so true!

 

[L'absent]

Wow, that was beautiful to read, thank you so much! You write so beautifully and poetically. This was a deeply heartfelt message, and the way you described everything is so true!

It is incredibly difficult to move forward without the person you love. When that presence is gone, it feels as if everything collapses, the world loses coherence, and everything becomes empty of meaning. Loneliness becomes an unbearable weight, and the void left by their absence seems to swallow every certainty. That's why I deeply understand what you're feeling and the sense of relief that can come from the thought of being able to embrace him again.
The idea that, in some way, the bond might be restored, that the distance is not truly final, carries with it a reassurance that goes beyond rationality. It is an intimate comfort, a silent hope that eases, even just for a moment, the pain of loss. And when reality feels so hostile, it is only natural to hold onto whatever offers a sense of peace.

 

[Valhala]

I understand what you feel. For me, the fact that I am no longer with my love is the main reason for CTB because after it everything else lost its meaning. Considering that I am the one who broke off the relationship with her several times due to various pressures due to which she lost her trust I also have a heavy sense of guilt. I also feel that CTB would connect me with her again, in some strange way, so that I would go through all that again and wait for her, somewhere, to let's be together again. If we could be together again everything could be so wonderful and different..

 

[BlueButterfly111]

@L'absent
Wow, the way you described it is perfect. I'm sorry that you have to go through that grief as well.

I remember when he was in the hospital in critical condition. I told myself that if he lived, I was gonna live for him, and if he died, I knew it was over for me. It really devastatingly broke my heart because all I wanted in life was him. But now there's nothing I want out of life, and there is nothing else for me in this world. In my grief, I sometimes even have silly thoughts like "what if he walks through this door again, I'll be so happy."

Yes that's true. Like I said, I don't know what happens after death, but I hope I can be with him again in some way. Like I said I'm not religious, but I am somewhat spiritual. And I had a dream about him passing away a few months before he did. And I've just seen certain things in life and involving him. Things that I can't quite explain very well, that make me believe that there might be something more after death, but not according to religious beliefs. Regardless of what happens, I still want to be dead, because either way I would be with him in death.

I understand what you feel. For me, the fact that I am no longer with my love is the main reason for CTB because after it everything else lost its meaning. Considering that I am the one who broke off the relationship with her several times due to various pressures due to which she lost her trust I also have a heavy sense of guilt. I also feel that CTB would connect me with her again, in some strange way, so that I would go through all that again and wait for her, somewhere, to let's be together again. If we could be together again everything could be so wonderful and different..

Thanks, yeah the main reason for me Ctb is losing him as well. I'm sorry about what you're going through. I still feel very much connected to him, even though he's dead. I've had various dreams and vivid imaginations of him in spirit. That's why I feel like he's still with me.