S

stargazer

Arcanist
Nov 19, 2018
433
I'm really feeling it now. It's surreal and magical almost, knowing I'll be dead in about 24-28 hours or so from now.

Unless I fail miserably (which is not going to happen, one way or another, I'm getting out of here).

Wow.

If at first you don't succeed try, try, try again, is the old saying.

Does anyone else get this sort of excited feeling in the lead up (if you ignore any anxiety or fear or SI) it's really an amazing feeling.

I guess it's relief too. Relief that I'll be out of this crap world soon. The imagining of my ideal afterlife helps too, even for just practical reasons.

This really is a surreal, awesome feeling washing over me. I just have to maintain it over the fear or anxiety.

I'm loving it (lol).
 
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Miss clefable

Enlightened
Aug 23, 2018
1,577
Just calm
 
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Djinn

Djinn

Forgive me Mum, I'm tired
Dec 4, 2018
14
Yeah, had this feeling my prev attempts... I also felt really thankful that death was even a thing. I saw a weird sense of balance in the world in the days leading up to my prev attempts.

"At least we can even die... Imagine there was no option to at all, imagine we just had to live until biological death." Kept swinging around in my head... and suddenly I was thankful, so thankful.

After failing my last attempt, which was a while ago, I decided I'd best make sure my next attempt was 100% certain. The heartbreak in my failure was similarly a new feeling, unlike anything I had felt prior.

It's a rollercoaster man, I'm wishing you every success - I hope its as easy and painless as physically possible. Godspeed.
 
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stargazer

Arcanist
Nov 19, 2018
433
Yeah, had this feeling my prev attempts... I also felt really thankful that death was even a thing. I saw a weird sense of balance in the world in the days leading up to my prev attempts.

"At least we can even die... Imagine there was no option to at all, imagine we just had to live until biological death." Kept swinging around in my head... and suddenly I was thankful, so thankful.

After failing my last attempt, which was a while ago, I decided I'd best make sure my next attempt was 100% certain. The heartbreak in my failure was similarly a new feeling, unlike anything I had felt prior.

It's a rollercoaster man, I'm wishing you every success - I hope its as easy and painless as physically possible. Godspeed.

Thank you! I just have to hope I won't fail, or as you put it live to regret. Failure will not be an option for me. I suppose I'll have to consider an immediate backup, find a cliff nearby or a water to drown. But again, first things first.
 
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S

stargazer

Arcanist
Nov 19, 2018
433
Yeah, had this feeling my prev attempts... I also felt really thankful that death was even a thing. I saw a weird sense of balance in the world in the days leading up to my prev attempts.

"At least we can even die... Imagine there was no option to at all, imagine we just had to live until biological death." Kept swinging around in my head... and suddenly I was thankful, so thankful.

After failing my last attempt, which was a while ago, I decided I'd best make sure my next attempt was 100% certain. The heartbreak in my failure was similarly a new feeling, unlike anything I had felt prior.

It's a rollercoaster man, I'm wishing you every success - I hope its as easy and painless as physically possible. Godspeed.

On the plus side man, you know what they say. Most who attempt, ultimately do go on to (eventually) succeed, I read that in a study.
 
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OkTotti

Wizard
Nov 6, 2018
616
this sounds wonderful, i can't remember the last time i felt euphoric...best of luck
 
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