feeling euphoric about it

[violetforever]

its so strange and reassuring and fascinating. on the way home from school i was deep in thought about how i am so accepting of leaving all of the world behind. when i got home i rushed to my room and looked in the mirror to take a good look at myself. it makes no sense but i think i am just the right amount of happy with how i look and that im pretty enough to die. when everything feels as perfect as it will get do you ever just think "if i died right now that would be heavenly"? and just as quickly i grabbed my pathetic robe tie and tightened it hard around my neck. im definitely buying a real rope as soon as i post this. if i already had a rope and had the technique down id be gone. i really wish i could just do it now. im in the best mindset to do it. i hope this feeling lasts until im able to. i wish i could run out to the train tracks and lay but sadly the train doesnt come at this time plus i need to avoid unusual behavior so no one suspects anything. im crying tears of happiness. ive never felt so happy. its really possible.
i actually think ill be able to hang myself easily in my closet. it might have to be partial though. i just tested it out a little. my hope is in how little i weigh. the real efficiency ill see once my rope arrives. i dont care im just so happy theres a possibility.