Sisyphus

Sisyphus

Member
Jul 26, 2021
70
I spend most of my day thinking about CTB, but sometimes, late at night, when I feel physically and mentally better, I start to wonder if CTB is the right choice. At those times, since I am feeling OK, I can see a glimmer of hope for my situation, and I actually feel like I can make progress on my health problems and thereby not have to CTB after all. Honestly, if I did not have these fleeting moments of contentedness and hope, I am sure I would already be dead years ago.

In technical terms, my depression has a diurnal variation, which means I feel (a little) better at night. This makes me think that a recovery is possible, because if I have a taste of what it would be to be back to normal. If only I could just find a way to extend that OKness at night to more of the day, I think I would be better.

Anybody else feel like this?
 
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livinginthepast

Member
Jul 27, 2021
23
I feel the exact same way....
 
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ClownMe

ClownMe

Don't Cry for Me, I'm Already Dead
Apr 7, 2021
20,561
Im the opposite, besides from when i first wake up in the morning, i get more depressed/suicidal at night.
 
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T

timf

Enlightened
Mar 26, 2020
1,168
A better feeling at night may indicate a lessening of anxiety contributed to by the night time change in neurotransmitters. Darkness triggers neruo-inhibitors like GABA. This could point the way to experimentation with supplements that might provide a resource in managing mood.
 
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Sisyphus

Sisyphus

Member
Jul 26, 2021
70
A better feeling at night may indicate a lessening of anxiety contributed to by the night time change in neurotransmitters. Darkness triggers neruo-inhibitors like GABA. This could point the way to experimentation with supplements that might provide a resource in managing mood.
What do you think those supplements would be?
 
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Lost Magic

Lost Magic

Illuminated
May 5, 2020
3,145
I feel better at night as well. It is just quieter and nearing sleep time.
 
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Schevan

Schevan

Future Dead Rodent
Jan 3, 2021
46
I used to be like that. I lived in a noisy household, and when everyone finally went to sleep I could go on my computer and enjoy some time with friends. My peek sadness would come when there was constant yelling and annoyance happening. Now, it feels more like a permanent dull feeling of sadness that I embrace rather than fight.
 
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IsThisTheEnd?

IsThisTheEnd?

Mange
Aug 6, 2020
575
when I'm very bad I like the time between 1am and 4am ish, it is very peaceful
 
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Grumpy Bear

Grumpy Bear

People are poison
Jul 21, 2021
150
I'm glad you have found hope and "OKness" for part of the day. My nights are worse than the days.
 
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IsThisTheEnd?

IsThisTheEnd?

Mange
Aug 6, 2020
575
Well it's 2.10 am most people are dead to the world ;) it is nice and quiet, sit back and relax XXX
 
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FuneralCry

FuneralCry

Just wanting some peace
Sep 24, 2020
38,536
Night time has always been my favourite time of the day, everything is quieter then. I've always found it quite comforting. I'm pleased that you get some relief from your thoughts then.
 
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BeansOfRequirement

BeansOfRequirement

Behind the guilt was compassion
Jan 26, 2021
5,747
Tired = fewer thoughts. I'm the opposite since I lose my ability to play videogames at some point during the day/evening, guess I have to read some stupid fucking book. The book is actually very good, I just don't give a fuck about what happens (same with videogames but at least I can kill people and stuff in the games).
 
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thankgodfor

thankgodfor

I must not think bad thoughts
Jul 11, 2021
8
I usually feel better while the sun is still shining, nights are way harder to me
 
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Seiko

Seiko

"Nothing's gonna hurt you, baby."
Jul 9, 2021
167
"The lonely loner seems to free his mind at night."
 
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justsayin

justsayin

Member
Jan 30, 2021
493
Seems I can't deny
Some days just don't feel right
I think I feel, I think I feel much better at night
...

 
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PeacePlease

PeacePlease

A wandering body without a heart
Feb 26, 2019
49
I feel like in the late afternoon/night I sometimes feel better, but everytime I go to sleep is like a reset button is hit and I wake up at 4 am with dread trying to cope once again. And the cycle goes on and on every day
 
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IsThisTheEnd?

IsThisTheEnd?

Mange
Aug 6, 2020
575
I don't want the morning to ever arrive, I wish the night would last forever
 
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medjooled11

medjooled11

Define or be defined.
Aug 13, 2021
121
I feel the same way. It's strange that I function better, more positive, introspective, optimistic, at night. I also find myself feeling better in colder weather - little sun, clouds, rain, snow. I could barely go out for walks or go to the market during the summer.

Perhaps, I feel less 'exposed' ? I'm just glad it's fall season.
 
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