Feel so empty

[brokensea]

I have been feeling very empty this last week. It's different than I've felt before.

It's like I look inside myself and there is nothing there. Whoever I used to be is gone. I left, went somewhere and I don't know who is even here anymore controlling my body or my brain.

It's not numbness which is throbbing it's like I'm made of air. I have no identity. No sense of self. I can't describe anything about myself.

Someone asked me how I feel about myself and I said how can you think something about something that doesn't exist.

I feel like I died already. I've never felt such a deep nothingness. I can only think my soul has been utterly obliterated by life, is dead and gone and I'm just a shell or a robot body of that person who once lived. Which in some way frightens me. Because my own existence is entirely unfamiliar to me.

Has anyone ever felt like literally nothing? I don't even know if I feel pain everything I feel doesn't feel connected to me at all and everything I think and do is just a leftover program running in a soulless being.

 

[SexyIncél]

It's a common feeling I have. A psychologist I used mentions it often. Unfortunately, my childhood traumas likely means I can never feel otherwise :/

Since it feels new to you, it seems a different mechanism may be at play. I hope you heal it.

 

[unnoticed]

every time i find myself feeling my lowest, i literally feel like a ghost. like i'm already dead…no emotions, no physical sensations, just pure emptiness. it becomes impossible to even think. in my case, these are symptoms of dissociation due to extreme stress + depression. i know precisely how you feel, it's incredibly strange…hugs to you.

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

I have been feeling very empty this last week. It's different than I've felt before.

It's like I look inside myself and there is nothing there. Whoever I used to be is gone. I left, went somewhere and I don't know who is even here anymore controlling my body or my brain.

It's not numbness which is throbbing it's like I'm made of air. I have no identity. No sense of self. I can't describe anything about myself.

Someone asked me how I feel about myself and I said how can you think something about something that doesn't exist.

I feel like I died already. I've never felt such a deep nothingness. I can only think my soul has been utterly obliterated by life, is dead and gone and I'm just a shell or a robot body of that person who once lived. Which in some way frightens me. Because my own existence is entirely unfamiliar to me.

Has anyone ever felt like literally nothing? I don't even know if I feel pain everything I feel doesn't feel connected to me at all and everything I think and do is just a leftover program running in a soulless being.

Yes I feel this precisely… Nonexistent… When nothing matters… There's no reason to wash your clothes or do the dishes or pay any bills… You've just stepped away from reality… And it's not clear reality is even happening…

Like you said… An operating system autonomically functioning…

Doesn't seem like there's any way back to Life from here…

So this is how it ends…

 

[toasterbath]

Yeah I feel like I have no identity anymore and I'm just this entity existing and breathing. I couldn't even tell you my favourite movie or song or color. I cringe and am embarrassed at the person I used to be but I also am surprised how I held myself together during years of abuse. Guess it just took a while to come down to reality and now I am just shocked and damaged.

 

[Hollowman]

I can definitely relate. Even if I wanted to try recovery again I wouldn't know what I am trying to get back to. My personality has been obliterated.

 

[brokensea]

It's a common feeling I have. A psychologist I used mentions it often. Unfortunately, my childhood traumas likely means I can never feel otherwise :/

Since it feels new to you, it seems a different mechanism may be at play. I hope you heal it.

It's such a terrible feeling. I'm so sorry you feel that way.

every time i find myself feeling my lowest, i literally feel like a ghost. like i'm already dead…no emotions, no physical sensations, just pure emptiness. it becomes impossible to even think. in my case, these are symptoms of dissociation due to extreme stress + depression. i know precisely how you feel, it's incredibly strange…hugs to you.

I'm sorry you share these feelings but I feel like a crazy person sometimes for feeling this way. Like I have no personality at all. There's nothing but empty space in me and I've been taken over by some being I don't recognize who's using my brain to talk or do things whatever little I do. It's so foreign and such an alien feeling. I'm glad I'm not crazy and the only person who feels this way though I of course deeply wish you never had to relate to this. But thank you for sharing how you feel

Yes I feel this precisely… Nonexistent… When nothing matters… There's no reason to wash your clothes or do the dishes or pay any bills… You've just stepped away from reality… And it's not clear reality is even happening…

Like you said… An operating system autonomically functioning…

Doesn't seem like there's any way back to Life from here…

So this is how it ends…

Yeah it's like I don't even have a sense of self like I left my body and I have no clue where in the world I am or went off to I don't even feel that other self.

And I am completely unmotivated. I have tried to clean my apartment and it's taken me a month to do the kitchen and half the living room. I have absolutely no energy whatsoever. I mostly just lay in bed 99 percent of the time of my life and it's been like this for 2 years now.

Yeah I feel like I have no identity anymore and I'm just this entity existing and breathing. I couldn't even tell you my favourite movie or song or color. I cringe and am embarrassed at the person I used to be but I also am surprised how I held myself together during years of abuse. Guess it just took a while to come down to reality and now I am just shocked and damaged.

That's exactly how I feel I can't describe my favorite anything or what I like or don't like. I'm just a hollow shell with nothing inside me.

I can definitely relate. Even if I wanted to try recovery again I wouldn't know what I am trying to get back to. My personality has been obliterated.

I feel so obliterated. Like shattered to dust that blew away. How do you even find that again let alone you don't even care or want to. I wouldn't even know where to begin in how you feel anything or work on anything when you're not even there anymore and you don't exist.

 

[Funeralprincess]

This happened to me. When my bipolar developed and took away my dream guy, friends, family, and more I felt my soul being ripped out. Five years later, nothing has improved the way the liars told me it would. Nothing got better in fact, it got worse. I'm still in love with him and my feelings have continued to grow and I can't stop them, my recent friend ghosted me, and I now have heart issues; I feel there is some sort of darkness controlling me. I wake up and see emptiness and horror in my eyes as I stare at my dull reflection in the mirror. I feel cold, dark energy engulfing me as I wake, as I sleep, and as I sit and do absolutely nothing at times. I'm 25, and dying in my 20s is absolutely ideal. My identity and life I worked so dutifully to have is over, and no, there is no trying to replace what I had as it was the best in every bit of my life. Whatever is controlling me now, it's not me. The real me is gone, and it's never coming back so I have two choices: live, and allow this evil to keep controlling me until I'm old weathered, or die and never have to keep living with whatever control panel is inside of me, making me a robot.
I have already died inside, so killing myself is just discarding the flesh that still functions.
Once your soul dies, you are living to live and simply exceed space that could be better utilized in other ways for other humans, who, perhaps, are not so dysfunctional in their mind. I merely exist to exist at this point, and each day more and more darkness comes to me, surrounding me in its clouds, reminding me that I am doing a disservice to me and society by continuing to be a space waster. My soul died when I lost the life every girl dreams of and ever since then, I've been exceeding
my welcome here on this planet. Death is better than being on autopilot the rest of your life while those around you thrive and enjoy the beauty of the world that you will never experience, or will never experience again.

 

[Littlewittlelight]

I have been feeling very empty this last week. It's different than I've felt before.

It's like I look inside myself and there is nothing there. Whoever I used to be is gone. I left, went somewhere and I don't know who is even here anymore controlling my body or my brain.

It's not numbness which is throbbing it's like I'm made of air. I have no identity. No sense of self. I can't describe anything about myself.

Someone asked me how I feel about myself and I said how can you think something about something that doesn't exist.

I feel like I died already. I've never felt such a deep nothingness. I can only think my soul has been utterly obliterated by life, is dead and gone and I'm just a shell or a robot body of that person who once lived. Which in some way frightens me. Because my own existence is entirely unfamiliar to me.

Has anyone ever felt like literally nothing? I don't even know if I feel pain everything I feel doesn't feel connected to me at all and everything I think and do is just a leftover program running in a soulless being.

I would feel numb nowadays I feel angry. I can sleep when I am so upset and I would just go to sleep or do things just because others wanted me to do or have headphones plugged and just sit in chair listening to music without even paying attention to lyrics or anything like a noise is playing in background and thinking nothing I don't know. I either feel so numb or nothing I feel I just do or make efforts because others want me to to or I feel obliged else I don't want to do anything. although it hurts me so much but I just fall asleep and last year it got to a point of laying for 13 hrs and fear of getting out and shaking sweating before leaving for school I wanted to feel something but I couldn't
I

I have been feeling very empty this last week. It's different than I've felt before.

It's like I look inside myself and there is nothing there. Whoever I used to be is gone. I left, went somewhere and I don't know who is even here anymore controlling my body or my brain.

It's not numbness which is throbbing it's like I'm made of air. I have no identity. No sense of self. I can't describe anything about myself.

Someone asked me how I feel about myself and I said how can you think something about something that doesn't exist.

I feel like I died already. I've never felt such a deep nothingness. I can only think my soul has been utterly obliterated by life, is dead and gone and I'm just a shell or a robot body of that person who once lived. Which in some way frightens me. Because my own existence is entirely unfamiliar to me.

Has anyone ever felt like literally nothing? I don't even know if I feel pain everything I feel doesn't feel connected to me at all and everything I think and do is just a leftover program running in a soulless being.

I didn't believe in anything other than humans but I found myself praying to something on nights and asking why am I still up it changes last year sometimes I wouldn't sleep the whole night then sleep the whole day it's nothing for me just numbness most of the times.

 

[brokensea]

This happened to me. When my bipolar developed and took away my dream guy, friends, family, and more I felt my soul being ripped out. Five years later, nothing has improved the way the liars told me it would. Nothing got better in fact, it got worse. I'm still in love with him and my feelings have continued to grow and I can't stop them, my recent friend ghosted me, and I now have heart issues; I feel there is some sort of darkness controlling me. I wake up and see emptiness and horror in my eyes as I stare at my dull reflection in the mirror. I feel cold, dark energy engulfing me as I wake, as I sleep, and as I sit and do absolutely nothing at times. I'm 25, and dying in my 20s is absolutely ideal. My identity and life I worked so dutifully to have is over, and no, there is no trying to replace what I had as it was the best in every bit of my life. Whatever is controlling me now, it's not me. The real me is gone, and it's never coming back so I have two choices: live, and allow this evil to keep controlling me until I'm old weathered, or die and never have to keep living with whatever control panel is inside of me, making me a robot.
I have already died inside, so killing myself is just discarding the flesh that still functions.
Once your soul dies, you are living to live and simply exceed space that could be better utilized in other ways for other humans, who, perhaps, are not so dysfunctional in their mind. I merely exist to exist at this point, and each day more and more darkness comes to me, surrounding me in its clouds, reminding me that I am doing a disservice to me and society by continuing to be a space waster. My soul died when I lost the life every girl dreams of and ever since then, I've been exceeding
my welcome here on this planet. Death is better than being on autopilot the rest of your life while those around you thrive and enjoy the beauty of the world that you will never experience, or will never experience again.

I do feel so much darkness too. It's chilling in a way. My ex boyfriend committed suicide and I remember feeling terrified that there was some darkness in this world I never knew before that could come and just take you away. It was malevolent and so powerful. Like an endless dark cloud that took away all light. So I feel so much in this darkness now. That this is all that is left in me. Nothing.

 

[Forever Sleep]

That sounds terrible. I can't say I feel like that all the time but I do feel like I'm having more intense periods of despair really I suppose at the moment. Just that pulling your hair out sensation of desperately not wanting to be here anymore. It's very difficult to motivate yourself to feel like anything matters when you feel like that.

Weirdly, I have a song lyric from: 'It's Too Late' by Carole King going round in my head a lot. It's about a breakup but I think it works for depression too:

'… And it's too late, baby, now it's too late
Though we really did try to make it
Somethin' inside has died
And I can't hide and I just can't fake it'

The first part of the song is kinda on point too:

'Stayed in bed all mornin' just to pass the time
There's somethin' wrong here, there can be no denyin'
One of us is changin', or maybe we've just stopped tryin'

I wish I knew what to say to help. The other day, watching a film I used to love shifted my mood a little. Does doing anything nostalgic have any effect? I guess that depends on whether you can summon any good memories/feelings from the past. Mine are quite often bittersweet- things I used to find comfort in because they were an escape from other horrible things going on.

I truly dread the point where I don't feel anything. Sometimes, I'll watch really sad things just to try and get the emotion out- and to ensure I still have them maybe. Do you ever provoke yourself to feel things? Maybe I'm getting this wrong though... Is it a lack of feeling or that you just don't recognize yourself anymore? Or both?

 

[Nirrend]

I have been feeling very empty this last week. It's different than I've felt before.

It's like I look inside myself and there is nothing there. Whoever I used to be is gone. I left, went somewhere and I don't know who is even here anymore controlling my body or my brain.

It's not numbness which is throbbing it's like I'm made of air. I have no identity. No sense of self. I can't describe anything about myself.

Someone asked me how I feel about myself and I said how can you think something about something that doesn't exist.

I feel like I died already. I've never felt such a deep nothingness. I can only think my soul has been utterly obliterated by life, is dead and gone and I'm just a shell or a robot body of that person who once lived. Which in some way frightens me. Because my own existence is entirely unfamiliar to me.

Has anyone ever felt like literally nothing? I don't even know if I feel pain everything I feel doesn't feel connected to me at all and everything I think and do is just a leftover program running in a soulless being.

Hi @brokensea !

Of course, we understand what you are going through ...

Emptyness and void are common things (in my case) I use to live. Everyday I go from void to sadness to euphoria to nothing and so on..

I'm so sorry to hear how you feel right now ..

We understand you and we love you sweet mate <3

Sending you hugs and love <3

 

[brokensea]

That sounds terrible. I can't say I feel like that all the time but I do feel like I'm having more intense periods of despair really I suppose at the moment. Just that pulling your hair out sensation of desperately not wanting to be here anymore. It's very difficult to motivate yourself to feel like anything matters when you feel like that.

Weirdly, I have a song lyric from: 'It's Too Late' by Carole King going round in my head a lot. It's about a breakup but I think it works for depression too:

'… And it's too late, baby, now it's too late
Though we really did try to make it
Somethin' inside has died
And I can't hide and I just can't fake it'

The first part of the song is kinda on point too:

'Stayed in bed all mornin' just to pass the time
There's somethin' wrong here, there can be no denyin'
One of us is changin', or maybe we've just stopped tryin'

I wish I knew what to say to help. The other day, watching a film I used to love shifted my mood a little. Does doing anything nostalgic have any effect? I guess that depends on whether you can summon any good memories/feelings from the past. Mine are quite often bittersweet- things I used to find comfort in because they were an escape from other horrible things going on.

I truly dread the point where I don't feel anything. Sometimes, I'll watch really sad things just to try and get the emotion out- and to ensure I still have them maybe. Do you ever provoke yourself to feel things? Maybe I'm getting this wrong though... Is it a lack of feeling or that you just don't recognize yourself anymore? Or both?

I was feeling really emotional and just non stop crying maybe two weeks ago? But since then I've just felt empty. Like when you examine how you feel or who you are in your mind when I look there is absolutely nothing there. It's hard to explain. I feel things but they're like ripples on top of water I'm not connected to it at all. It's like it's happening to someone else. It's hard to feel joy because no emotions are coming from me. So no matter what I do or feel they're all surface feelings and I don't have a heart to feel with anymore. I feel I don't even have an identity anymore. I have no sense of who I am.

Hi @brokensea !

Of course, we understand what you are going through ...

Emptyness and void are common things (in my case) I use to live. Everyday I go from void to sadness to euphoria to nothing and so on..

I'm so sorry to hear how you feel right now ..

We understand you and we love you sweet mate <3

Sending you hugs and love <3

Thank you that's incredibly sweet. I feel so lonely lately like I don't even have me anymore let alone I'm alone with no human contact nearly every day. Now I'm even more alone cause I'm just not even here either. It's nice to hear someone cares. Where could I share this with anyone else in my life? Thank you.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I was feeling really emotional and just non stop crying maybe two weeks ago? But since then I've just felt empty. Like when you examine how you feel or who you are in your mind when I look there is absolutely nothing there. It's hard to explain. I feel things but they're like ripples on top of water I'm not connected to it at all. It's like it's happening to someone else. It's hard to feel joy because no emotions are coming from me. So no matter what I do or feel they're all surface feelings and I don't have a heart to feel with anymore. I feel I don't even have an identity anymore. I have no sense of who I am.

Thank you that's incredibly sweet. I feel so lonely lately like I don't even have me anymore let alone I'm alone with no human contact nearly every day. Now I'm even more alone cause I'm just not even here either. It's nice to hear someone cares. Where could I share this with anyone else in my life? Thank you.

I'm sorry. That sounds horrible.

 

[brokensea]

I'm sorry. That sounds horrible.

I was really scared when I first felt this way. Like some weird metaphor you were were abducted by aliens and where the hell did I go? It was very unsettling but I'm getting used to this feeling I guess? I think feeling anything is too painful and I've just shut down completely and can't even connect to any real emotions anymore. It's all I can assume of what is happening. It's a weird feeling to feel your heart is completely dead and any sense of who you are is gone. That nothing you feel is in any sense real. Maybe it's just another survival mechanism so you don't even care if you die or not and you shut down. That way emotions don't motivate you to kill yourself. I was pretty close to the end of pain tolerance before this happened and was getting close to CTB. Now it's like I'm just floating in space and whatever makes me feel is so buried I have no sense of it anymore and it's hidden even from me. I'm unexplainably just gone. It just happened and I didn't even make a choice to have this happen. Like maybe SI is saying if you feel all those things again you're going to die so now you can't find yourself to ever feel anything or get in contact with feelings. Now you're just a shell. I don't know where I went or if I'll ever come back. It's a strange experience.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I was really scared when I first felt this way. Like some weird metaphor you were were abducted by aliens and where the hell did I go? It was very unsettling but I'm getting used to this feeling I guess? I think feeling anything is too painful and I've just shut down completely and can't even connect to any real emotions anymore. It's all I can assume of what is happening. It's a weird feeling to feel your heart is completely dead and any sense of who you are is gone. That nothing you feel is in any sense real. Maybe it's just another survival mechanism so you don't even care if you die or not and you shut down. That way emotions don't motivate you to kill yourself. I was pretty close to the end of pain tolerance before this happened and was getting close to CTB. Now it's like I'm just floating in space and whatever makes me feel is so buried I have no sense of it anymore and it's hidden even from me. I'm unexplainably just gone. It just happened and I didn't even make a choice to have this happen. Like maybe SI is saying if you feel all those things again you're going to die so now you can't find yourself to ever feel anything or get in contact with feelings. Now you're just a shell. I don't know where I went or if I'll ever come back. It's a strange experience.

That does make sense. Like all of you has kind of shut off as a mechanism to deal with life. I know antidepressants sometimes have the effect of making people feel like zombies. I guess our own brains can do that too. I'm such a worrier but it sometimes gets to a point where I'm all worried-out and I just feel numb. It must feel super peculiar to feel like a whole part of your personality has gone.

 

[Hope:-)]

Yep, I feel like nothing.

 

[brokensea]

That does make sense. Like all of you has kind of shut off as a mechanism to deal with life. I know antidepressants sometimes have the effect of making people feel like zombies. I guess our own brains can do that too. I'm such a worrier but it sometimes gets to a point where I'm all worried-out and I just feel numb. It must feel super peculiar to feel like a whole part of your personality has gone.

It does feel strange. Life never seems to end in its endless variety of unpleasant sensations. Wouldn't it be nice if there was another way out besides a horrible death? Like a portal could appear and we'd go to another dimension painlessly and everyone would forget we existed so no one would be sad. What a dream lol.

 

[booplesnoot34]

I've heard Zoloft can completely wipe out a person's ability to feel and a lot of personality goes with it. It happened to my fiancé. Just sat there, no drive to even eat. Robotic. I had to teach him to become human again.