I have a therapist. They're great, but I've found that I've built a semi-false 'raw' version of myself for these sessions. Sure, work gets done but I've found that the character I've built of myself infront of this therapist is partially untrue and overshadows some of the important struggles I have.
My suicidal ideation is heavily shoved under the rug or treated as something 'ridiculous' due to how 'stable' my persona front is, which also completely eradicates the intense emotional instability I suffer with outside of my therapy sessions. I've somehow built a mature and proper character from these sessions due to being overly formal.
In fact, when I sheepishly suggested I had a personality disorder, my therapist laughed in my face and said I must've been really bored. When I spoke of my suicidal thoughts, they simply responded with, 'You know you're better than that.' And laughed. They even suggested that my mood issues was probably my period, which for some reason really hurt my feelings but I just laughed and quietly rebuted the idea by saying my mood instability never lines up with the hormonal fluctuations caused by periods, but then they just said it was probably my hormones in general...
I've struggled with my mood instability for years, and have attempted several times. But all of it was treated as immaturity due to this persona I've created for these appointments. I regret being so formal and polite. With my previous therapist, I was so raw without any filter they dropped me saying I wasn't salvageable. Now, I've put up too much of a front that the unfiltered part hasn't seen the light of day nor been treated with seriousness.
If anyone can help, or even relate, I'd really appreciate it. I never tend to proof read, so I apologise in advance for any typos.
My suicidal ideation is heavily shoved under the rug or treated as something 'ridiculous' due to how 'stable' my persona front is, which also completely eradicates the intense emotional instability I suffer with outside of my therapy sessions. I've somehow built a mature and proper character from these sessions due to being overly formal.
In fact, when I sheepishly suggested I had a personality disorder, my therapist laughed in my face and said I must've been really bored. When I spoke of my suicidal thoughts, they simply responded with, 'You know you're better than that.' And laughed. They even suggested that my mood issues was probably my period, which for some reason really hurt my feelings but I just laughed and quietly rebuted the idea by saying my mood instability never lines up with the hormonal fluctuations caused by periods, but then they just said it was probably my hormones in general...
I've struggled with my mood instability for years, and have attempted several times. But all of it was treated as immaturity due to this persona I've created for these appointments. I regret being so formal and polite. With my previous therapist, I was so raw without any filter they dropped me saying I wasn't salvageable. Now, I've put up too much of a front that the unfiltered part hasn't seen the light of day nor been treated with seriousness.
If anyone can help, or even relate, I'd really appreciate it. I never tend to proof read, so I apologise in advance for any typos.
