Venting Feel bad for my family

[alwaysdopesick]

It's going to wreck my sister, idk how's she's gonna make it through it, I hope with therapy and stuff. I mention her but really I mean my whole family. I wish they could understand, I think maybe my sister will be able to unlike my other family members, they will be sad of course but remember me as a lazy miserable mean pos. But I think my sister got me I just wish I didn't have to do this. And I hope I can find some fetty somehow and rail a slug after chugging come rc benzos.

 

[FuneralCry]

I think non suicidal people would never be able to understand. I know my family members would be sad, but at this point I do not even feel bad. I am so tired of life at this point and it would be selfish of them to expect me to suffer for decades. It isn't like I asked to be alive in the first place. I hope you find peace.

 

[Smart No More]

Do you find that benzos make you feel less like ctb in that moment. I definitely see them helping with SI but they also bring a brief partial relief so I feel like I want to enjoy it for a moment. It's a bit of a parodoxical effect for me.

I totally relate to the family thing. Mine isn't huge really but my brother and I are close and I am really fearful off impacting him negatively by catching the bus.

I also relate to your opiate situation. I don't use anything illicit on that front anymore but I kind of feel like it at this stage of illness. Just don't want to add to my problems but it would be such relief to indulge I think. That said I'm not sure my body would metabolise it properly now. Plus it's no good having opiate tolerance if you want to use N. Also can't be spending all my money on opiates when N is so pricey. Part of me wonders what recreational doses of IV N would be like but again that's counter productive.

As fsr as your sister, are you going to leave her a note/video or anything?

 

[alwaysdopesick]

Do you find that benzos make you feel less like ctb in that moment. I definitely see them helping with SI but they also bring a brief partial relief so I feel like I want to enjoy it for a moment. It's a bit of a parodoxical effect for me.

I totally relate to the family thing. Mine isn't huge really but my brother and I are close and I am really fearful off impacting him negatively by catching the bus.

I also relate to your opiate situation. I don't use anything illicit on that front anymore but I kind of feel like it at this stage of illness. Just don't want to add to my problems but it would be such relief to indulge I think. That said I'm not sure my body would metabolise it properly now. Plus it's no good having opiate tolerance if you want to use N. Also can't be spending all my money on opiates when N is so pricey. Part of me wonders what recreational doses of IV N would be like but again that's counter productive.

As fsr as your sister, are you going to leave her a note/video or anything?

I am in the process of writing a note I might write a separate note for my sister. I do not believe there is a cross tolerance to opiates, pento, I am worried about a cross tolerance between the benzos and the lethal barbiturate. I hope I don't need a higher dose than most people, and I'm very scared of getting scammed based on the dms I am receiving.

 

[UmQualquer]

Tenho medo

 

[Smart No More]

I am in the process of writing a note I might write a separate note for my sister. I do not believe there is a cross tolerance to opiates, pento, I am worried about a cross tolerance between the benzos and the lethal barbiturate. I hope I don't need a higher dose than most people, and I'm very scared of getting scammed based on the dms I am receiving.

I've been told there is a bit of cross tolerance with both and when I've looked it up online it does appear to have some truth to it. I'm not sure how significant the cross tollerance is but it is a thing. Basically due the the fact they're cns depressing. I think it prolongs the coma phase. There's also some impact with the speed you metabolise the pento as gastric emptying is reduced by opiate use. I think Philip Neitche pointed it out somewhere. Probably over on the exit forums. Somebody shared a screenshot with me a short while back. I was surprised by it and it stuck in mind.

If you're worried about being scammed feel free to PM me to cross reference or whatever. Not that I know much but I know a little and definitely know of some scams so can help rule some of those out.