Fed up and ready to ctb yet?

[Octavina]

Just got out of a month in a psych ward. I'm at the top but failing again will give me more trauma like this last admission I can't take it anymore.

 

[Meditation guide]

Today I'm a 5, slightly better.

 

[BeansOfRequirement]

7. So fed up that I'm giving up on suicide. Because that's what I do best, give up.

 

[Meditation guide]

I'm terrible at giving up on anything. I am so stubborn. That's why it's so hard to think about ctb. It's giving up. But then it's also the matter of giving up on ctb. So either way, it's against my nature.

 

[Meditation guide]

Today it's 4.

 

[JU.]

I have 3/4 of the life I've always dreamed of: work, place, friends. But I lost the absolute love of my life, and it was also connected to the three things I have listed. So everything has collapsed, life has become unlivable, a concentration of melancholy, what gave me joy now fills me with pain. It's awful, and my mind is constantly brooding. I had / I would have had a craving for life, now I can't get a step out of the house. I'm sorry for the pain of those who remain, but I can't go on and I'm full of anger, anxiety and socially self-isolated

 

[Lost Magic]

I used to be a 5 but now a 6. I am done with it all now.

 

[Journeytoletgo]

I'm In a weird limbo. I been miserable/depressed since age 14 however I didn't know about suicide at the time from being sheltered. We didn't have internet in our home growing up in my youth if i had known about that option I would have ended myself and been free. Now I know it's an option as I don't see my life turning around no social future, no good looks, it's over I'll die miserable. I have trigger moments and for some reason It always happens when I'm abandoned, or left out and then I want to CTB again whenever I make a mistake, or my emotions come out when I sleep with a guy it's weird

 

[cappuccinogirl]

Completely on the verge can't take any more.

 

[Snake of Eden]

Completely on the verge can't take any more.

I feel the exact same way. I want out and I want it now

 

[sadbadpsychogirl]

hard 6.. just waiting on some people...

 

[ImsooDone1N]

I'm also at a 6, on my "good days" a 5. So things are not looking well. Hope this suffering ends soon. Today would be fantastic.

 

[FuneralCry]

My situation is that I don't have any reason to stay alive and I am tired of existing but I don't feel exactly desperate enough to ctb at the moment as it is hard to die because of the SI. I will certainly do it in the future as I never plan to reach old age. I would say I am near the top as it is always on my mind. This life just isn't for me and I have always struggled with it.

I replied to this thread a while ago and I still feel the same way. Unfortunately, I am still here posting about the same thing. I think if ctb was easier and if I had a peaceful and reliable way to exit, I would already be gone. I think I would have to be really desperate to overcome the fear of failing ctb.

 

[Rabhen]

10

 

[cappuccinogirl]

I replied to this thread a while ago and I still feel the same way. Unfortunately, I am still here posting about the same thing. I think if ctb was easier and if I had a peaceful and reliable way to exit, I would already be gone. I think I would have to be really desperate to overcome the fear of failing ctb.

Feel the same. How ridiculous it's so hard to do! Feel free to message me. Hugs xx