Fears of being in a coma

[bubbletea]

Hello,
I have obtained N in Canada but I'm in my home country in Asia (im an immigrant) because I was so afraid. My thoughts have been racing .. like what would happen to my body if I passed away, what if I slip into a coma and become abandoned while taking N because I don't have any immediate family in the country I'm studying in (Canada).

So I have sn here in Asia while I'm staying with family. I attempted 2 months ago with no antiemetic regimen and didn't even finish the whole 15g. I drank a couple gulps and there was 2/3 left in the cup. I felt dizzy, cold, and started to sweat A LOT. Went to the bathroom bc of strong urge to #2 and passed everything. Felt weak and couldn't stand so I crawled to my bed and lied down. Vision and hearing was blurred. I hoped I would pass but I started to move uncontrollably. Kind of like a seizure. My grandma said she saw my eyes roll back :( My limbs were ice cold and nails and lips turned blue. She gave me honey water and I drank it, so maybe that could be why I threw up 2 times. This whole thing lasted around an hr - 2 hrs until paramedics were called. I felt like I was "healing" soon after I threw up.

I'm trying to do it again with antiemetics, but I guess I'm really afraid. I did feel that during the moments that I was dizzy, and my vision and hearing started to go blurry, I could have passed out. So.. I hope I don't go through the uncontrollable movements again.

I've been suffering from cptsd for my whole life, and even though I'm 25, I know I'm still stuck in the mind of when I was 5 (happy times before the start of constant trauma). I'm severely emotionally dependent on others and having to go through this process alone was extremely hard.

I also kind of have ocd/ ocpd, so I keep thinking of what will happen, what could happen, what will happen afterward.. etc. I hope I die but I'm also afraid. But I'm afraid of not dying and slipping into a coma. I've been doing research since last year and my worst fear is being in a coma and still being able to hear what's going on around me then being pronounced dead even though I'm not. Or constant thoughts of someone doing things to me while I have passed (I don't want to spell it out) Or being abandoned and hated by my family because of what I have done.

I'm so sorry to share my worst case scenario ruminations with people here. A lot of people on the site are really supportive so I guess I'm kind of seeking emotional support :( I hope you guys will be the last friends I can be with until I go away.

 

[Sweet emotion]

This is one of my fears as well. I'm scared that my method isn't going to work and I'm either going to be in a coma or on life support. I want to get something in writing where if I am found unresponsive it's illegal for them to bring me back. like a DNR. But if a paramedic comes to the house they are going to ignore it and bring you back. I've heard it from so many people. But no one is going to be here so that isn't going to happen. But say if I was brain dead or something, I wouldn't want to be in a hospital connected to tubes possibly being able to hear what is going on around me and not being able to speak. Idk all these possibilities flow through my head. I hope you go in peace.

 

[bubbletea]

This is one of my fears as well. I'm scared that my method isn't going to work and I'm either going to be in a coma or on life support. I want to get something in writing where if I am found unresponsive it's illegal for them to bring me back. like a DNR. But if a paramedic comes to the house they are going to ignore it and bring you back. I've heard it from so many people. But no one is going to be here so that isn't going to happen. But say if I was brain dead or something, I wouldn't want to be in a hospital connected to tubes possibly being able to hear what is going on around me and not being able to speak. Idk all these possibilities flow through my head. I hope you go in peace.

You too :( I see a lot of articles of suicides but none of failures

Hello my friend and welcome.
You must first understand your fear and know what may cause it.
Try to find out what might make you fall into a coma after drinking SN and avoid it.
I believe that your method is your real friend, So if you don't trust your method or that only thinking about it makes you scared then It is better to give yourself a little more time to find another way.

Thanks :) I've had a lot of time to think about it and it is sn or N.

 

[Sweet emotion]

OMG sweetie. I just read the first paragraph of your message and then wrote you. And then I saw that we basically wrote the exact same thing down! How we are scared that we're going to able to hear what is going on but not able to move. You're only 25 and got sick at 5?!?! Hobey you had no life! My heart is breaking for you. I got sick at 20 with Complex Regional Pain Syndrome which is the highest ranking pain condition in medical history and I'm 34 now. I've saved enough medication up to kill a couple of elephants so I'm hoping it's going to work on me. I hate having to actually plan it out though because I have to actually pick my day to die so I can keep my stomach emoty for two days while I take anti nausea meds. I just want to be able to do it on the sour of the moment when I'm in one of my really low points like I was a few nights ago. I suffer from OCD as well. It was very bad when I was 15. I had obsessive thoughts that really screwed with the quality of my life but my parents didn't take me seriously. When I said that I couldn't do it anymore and that I wanted to die they realized it was a problem. I had a great therapist and by 17 I was rid of that particular OCD problem. But stress causes OCD to get so much worse so it's no wonder you're having a bad time with it. I am too. And you know how you said you feel like you're still 5 because that is when your life ended? I know exactly what you mean. I still feel 20. When we have trauma our brain stops maturing. If you ever want to talk I will be here until I'm not anymore. PM me anytime you want.

 

[bubbletea]

OMG sweetie. I just read the first paragraph of your message and then wrote you. And then I saw that we basically wrote the exact same thing down! How we are scared that we're going to able to hear what is going on but not able to move. You're only 25 and got sick at 5?!?! Hobey you had no life! My heart is breaking for you. I got sick at 20 with Complex Regional Pain Syndrome which is the highest ranking pain condition in medical history and I'm 34 now. I've saved enough medication up to kill a couple of elephants so I'm hoping it's going to work on me. I hate having to actually plan it out though because I have to actually pick my day to die so I can keep my stomach emoty for two days while I take anti nausea meds. I just want to be able to do it on the sour of the moment when I'm in one of my really low points like I was a few nights ago. I suffer from OCD as well. It was very bad when I was 15. I had obsessive thoughts that really screwed with the quality of my life but my parents didn't take me seriously. When I said that I couldn't do it anymore and that I wanted to die they realized it was a problem. I had a great therapist and by 17 I was rid of that particular OCD problem. But stress causes OCD to get so much worse so it's no wonder you're having a bad time with it. I am too. And you know how you said you feel like you're still 5 because that is when your life ended? I know exactly what you mean. I still feel 20. When we have trauma our brain stops maturing. If you ever want to talk I will be here until I'm not anymore. PM me anytime you want.

Thanks so much :( I'm so sorry to hear that you got diagnosed with crps, I can't imagine. I'll send you a pm.

 

[MidLifeCrisis]

This is why I am planning to combine two different methods. To me it is too risky to use only one method. I am planning on combining a chemical ingestion with a gas inhalation. At the moment I am thinking Amlodipine/Propanolol overdose combined with CO. But the exit bag with N2 method is looking good too.

 

[Sweet emotion]

This is why I am planning to combine two different methods. To me it is too risky to use only one method. I am planning on combining a chemical ingestion with a gas inhalation. At the moment I am thinking Amlodipine/Propanolol overdose combined with CO. But the exit bag with N2 method is looking good too.

Im

Thanks so much :( I'm so sorry to hear that you got diagnosed with crps, I can't imagine. I'll send you a pm.

Sorry I didn't get your message.

 

[Exitforme]

I actually wish I could put myself in deep coma for a few years and skip maybe 60 years. I would then not be "dead" but I would wake up being 80+ and then ready to die without having to kill my life.

 

[SinisterKid]

So why do you want to CTB and what exactly are you afraid of? There is no 100% certainty that any method will work because of the huge amount of variables there are for each individual. So trying to allay your fears, or anyone elses, is almost impossible. If you have N or SN [you mention both] and you follow the guides, the likelihood is, you will die.

I have been in a coma after a OD and its nothing to be worried about. You know nothing, feel nothing. Coming out of it is the worst part when you realise you have failed in what you set out to do [for me it was anyway]. As for anything else, like what happens after you die, well my own experience is a positive one and I can only tell you there is nothing to fear.

The one sure thing that will happen to any of us is, we die, at some point. How we die is up to us. The choice my friend is yours.

 

[woxihuanni]

I'm sorry you suffered and are scared.

But you know if you wanted a coma, you could always take some poison below lethal threshold with no AE.

 

[ManWithNoName]

I share the same concerns that everyone else does in this thread. The failing of chemistry and ending up on life support or a vegetable is disconcerting.

If I had KCN then I would use it inconjunction with another method to ensure successful ctb. KCN is a painful way to go but it gets the job done.

If one follows mrcaringuy youtube channel, those who carried out self deliverance did so via hanging, including but not limited to celebrities and even children. This is an indicator that hanging is probably easier, and this includes partial suspension.

I Iave been in a coma after a OD and its nothing to be worried about. You know nothing, feel nothing. Coming out of it is the worst part when you realise you have failed in what you set out to do [for me it was anyway]. As for anything else, like what happens after you die, well my own experience is a positive one and I can only tell you there is nothing to fear.

The one sure thing that will happen to any of us is, we die, at some point. How we die is up to us. The choice my friend is yours.

After having gone through that ordeal, have you decided to carry on in this life? I'm always curious to heat from those who ctb attemps fail, as some do have some kind of epiphany as a result.