I've been slowly preparing for the realization that I'm going to die soon. I've been half-assing it at my job cause I'm only collecting some money I can hoard until I finally commit suicide, and for some reason the only thing that's holding me back anymore is not the pain or etc. that comes with it (because at least the last few times I practiced with partial I didn't really feel any pain or just dissociated long enough to not feel anything), but it's just...as dumb as it sounds, the fact that once I'm gone, there's nothing. Just darkness. Even if I was religious, I would rather burn in Hell than experience eternal nothingness, cause I guess at least Hell is "something".
Though as many others have said, even if not by suicide, we're all going to die soon, so I'm only delaying the inevitable, just I'm obviously not enjoying living and know things aren't going to get a whole lot better for me, socially and economically. I'm just wondering if there's a mental exercise I can use to ease myself into letting the inevitable happen. I honestly just want to get it over with and am even planning on cutting off my relationships just to prevent interference and etc. Just thinking of how I will suddenly no longer be aware of anything or feel is just terrifying to me, as dumb as it sounds.