Venting Fear of "Nothingness"

[AveryConure]

I've been slowly preparing for the realization that I'm going to die soon. I've been half-assing it at my job cause I'm only collecting some money I can hoard until I finally commit suicide, and for some reason the only thing that's holding me back anymore is not the pain or etc. that comes with it (because at least the last few times I practiced with partial I didn't really feel any pain or just dissociated long enough to not feel anything), but it's just...as dumb as it sounds, the fact that once I'm gone, there's nothing. Just darkness. Even if I was religious, I would rather burn in Hell than experience eternal nothingness, cause I guess at least Hell is "something".

Though as many others have said, even if not by suicide, we're all going to die soon, so I'm only delaying the inevitable, just I'm obviously not enjoying living and know things aren't going to get a whole lot better for me, socially and economically. I'm just wondering if there's a mental exercise I can use to ease myself into letting the inevitable happen. I honestly just want to get it over with and am even planning on cutting off my relationships just to prevent interference and etc. Just thinking of how I will suddenly no longer be aware of anything or feel is just terrifying to me, as dumb as it sounds.

 

[Circles]

I've been slowly preparing for the realization that I'm going to die soon. I've been half-assing it at my job cause I'm only collecting some money I can hoard until I finally commit suicide, and for some reason the only thing that's holding me back anymore is not the pain or etc. that comes with it (because at least the last few times I practiced with partial I didn't really feel any pain or just dissociated long enough to not feel anything), but it's just...as dumb as it sounds, the fact that once I'm gone, there's nothing. Just darkness. Even if I was religious, I would rather burn in Hell than experience eternal nothingness, cause I guess at least Hell is "something".

Though as many others have said, even if not by suicide, we're all going to die soon, so I'm only delaying the inevitable, just I'm obviously not enjoying living and know things aren't going to get a whole lot better for me, socially and economically. I'm just wondering if there's a mental exercise I can use to ease myself into letting the inevitable happen. I honestly just want to get it over with and am even planning on cutting off my relationships just to prevent interference and etc. Just thinking of how I will suddenly no longer be aware of anything or feel is just terrifying to me, as dumb as it sounds.

Do you like sleeping?

 

[Jodes]

I've been slowly preparing for the realization that I'm going to die soon. I've been half-assing it at my job cause I'm only collecting some money I can hoard until I finally commit suicide, and for some reason the only thing that's holding me back anymore is not the pain or etc. that comes with it (because at least the last few times I practiced with partial I didn't really feel any pain or just dissociated long enough to not feel anything), but it's just...as dumb as it sounds, the fact that once I'm gone, there's nothing. Just darkness. Even if I was religious, I would rather burn in Hell than experience eternal nothingness, cause I guess at least Hell is "something".

Though as many others have said, even if not by suicide, we're all going to die soon, so I'm only delaying the inevitable, just I'm obviously not enjoying living and know things aren't going to get a whole lot better for me, socially and economically. I'm just wondering if there's a mental exercise I can use to ease myself into letting the inevitable happen. I honestly just want to get it over with and am even planning on cutting off my relationships just to prevent interference and etc. Just thinking of how I will suddenly no longer be aware of anything or feel is just terrifying to me, as dumb as it sounds.

I get comfort from some quotes

 

[Jupiter]

There are some near death experiences (NDE) on YouTube. Maybe you get some comfort watching those.

 

[Jodes]

There are some near death experiences (NDE) on YouTube. Maybe you get some comfort watching those.

Wtf, not helpful, no offense... unless I'm wrong

 

[OnlyMercy]

Do you like sleeping?

I think this is a good question.

I'd like to imagine that it's useful to embrace suicide as "simply going to sleep forever and never waking up". I think this would trigger less fear and anxiety than approaching it as "killing myself and ceasing to exist for eternity".

Truth is no one can explain exactly what happens after this life with certainty so it helps little to lose sleep on the matter.

 

[Jodes]

Ok... Trolls? Seriously?

 

[GlowingCactus]

experience eternal nothingness

Nothingness can't be experienced because... there is no one to experience it, complete lack of any consciousness. Think about it, every night when you are sleeping you aren't dreaming all night long, there are some moments when you aren't conscious at all and that doesn't make you afraid everytime you're going to sleep, does it ?

Likewise, before you were born you didn't experience anything.

Not sure if I'm being helpful or not as I'm not telling you anything you don't know already.

 

[MsM3talGamer]

When you're asleep you don't miss being awake, do you?

 

[AveryConure]

Do you like sleeping?

Ironically, no, but it's something I know we need to do and all the coffee and energy drinks is not going to change that.

 

[Circles]

Ironically, no, but it's something I know we need to do and all the coffee and energy drinks is not going to change that.

I'm sorry to hear that. There's nothing like a long and dreamless sleep, it's so peaceful. I get where you're coming from though but that's just my way of handling the existential dread when confronting death. The pain no matter what I just cannot accept nor do I look forward to but if we are to accept death at face value then atleast look on the bright side you won't feel no more pain ever again which for me imo is the only thing I could think of if I were to die an agonizing death.

 

[AveryConure]

I'm sorry to hear that. There's nothing like a long and dreamless sleep, it's so peaceful. I get where you're coming from though but that's just my way of handling the existential dread when confronting death. The pain no matter what I just cannot accept nor do I look forward to but if we are to accept death at face value then atleast look on the bright side you won't feel no more pain ever again which for me imo is the only I could think of if I were to die an agonizing death.

Yeah, I understand. Though I honestly prefer staying in bed most of the time in the winter months cause I honestly despise the cold so sometimes I wonder if I gave myself an electric blanket while doing the night night method I would be too lazy to get out of bed lol

 

[John Smith]

I've been slowly preparing for the realization that I'm going to die soon. I've been half-assing it at my job cause I'm only collecting some money I can hoard until I finally commit suicide, and for some reason the only thing that's holding me back anymore is not the pain or etc. that comes with it (because at least the last few times I practiced with partial I didn't really feel any pain or just dissociated long enough to not feel anything), but it's just...as dumb as it sounds, the fact that once I'm gone, there's nothing. Just darkness. Even if I was religious, I would rather burn in Hell than experience eternal nothingness, cause I guess at least Hell is "something".

Though as many others have said, even if not by suicide, we're all going to die soon, so I'm only delaying the inevitable, just I'm obviously not enjoying living and know things aren't going to get a whole lot better for me, socially and economically. I'm just wondering if there's a mental exercise I can use to ease myself into letting the inevitable happen. I honestly just want to get it over with and am even planning on cutting off my relationships just to prevent interference and etc. Just thinking of how I will suddenly no longer be aware of anything or feel is just terrifying to me, as dumb as it sounds.

You must not be living with enough pain to long for nothingness. That's been my experience. Only when I'm feeling at least marginally decent enough to want to live do I fear the nothingness, but when I am in enough pain I want nothing more. I absolutely unequivocally guarantee you that if you went to "hell" that you would want to not exist in order to be free from the intense pain.

 

[21Neberg]

Isn't the nothingness something to look forward to, though? No one to bother us, free from this world and never again will you feel pain. Granted, you wont feel joy either but that's not going to happen anyway.

 

[Othermind]

Can't relate.
It's been almost 3 years that I've HATED being awake with every fiber of my being, the "nothingness" you feel in dreamless sleep is, ironically enough the only thing that gets me out of bed every morning. Basically knowing that no matter how shitty my day will be (and most of them are) I will at least get a few hours of respite from my life.
Also I thought not feeling anything anymore was kind of the point of catching the bus.

 

[AveryConure]

Reading some of the responses here maybe I'm honestly not as far gone as I thought.

It's more of that I feel like at this point that I need to die and I honestly don't think anyone can do much about my DID that I would rather just die than deal with it anymore.

 

[John Smith]

Reading some of the responses here maybe I'm honestly not as far gone as I thought.

It's more of that I feel like at this point that I need to die and I honestly don't think anyone can do much about my DID that I would rather just die than deal with it anymore.

Also, do some research into Dr. Ian Stevenson's work on factually verified past life memories and even some factually verified between-life memories (e.g. watched their own funerals and remember what was said and done) from all around the world. These have convinced me that reincarnation is real. There are also factually verified near death experiences as well. If you are really that worried about not existing this should assure you that that isn't what happens. Consciousness continues.

 

[MexicanTravels]

"The so-called 'psychotically depressed' person who tries to kill herself doesn't do so out of quote 'hopelessness' or any abstract conviction that life's assets and debits do not square. And surely not because death seems suddenly appealing. The person in whom Its invisible agony reaches a certain unendurable level will kill herself the same way a trapped person will eventually jump from the window of a burning high-rise. Make no mistake about people who leap from burning windows. Their terror of falling from a great height is still just as great as it would be for you or me standing speculatively at the same window just checking out the view; i.e. the fear of falling remains a constant. The variable here is the other terror, the fire's flames: when the flames get close enough, falling to death becomes the slightly less terrible of two terrors. It's not desiring the fall; it's terror of the flames. And yet nobody down on the sidewalk, looking up and yelling 'Don't!' and 'Hang on!', can understand the jump. Not really. You'd have to have personally been trapped and felt flames to really understand a terror way beyond falling." -David Foster Wallace

What this quote highlights is that for most of us the fear and pain of living outdoes the fear of what lies on the other side. However, your fear of "nothingness" is well-founded. Whether the mind/soul lives on after death is one of the "great" questions in philosophy. People have their opinions, but nobody is certain.

 

[couragetodie]

It's a great question and one I have pondered a for some time. Hell, reincarnation, nothingness. There are moments when I simply throw my hands up in the air and say: ffs, idk what happens after I die but I don't care. I am far too depressed atm to offer a lick of good advice but I would say apathy — a who gives an f — attitude has helped me during those moments I ponder these after-life scenarios. I am new here, are we allowed to swear?

 

[Lifeisatrap]

I don't get the fear of nothingness. Nothing can hurt you if you don't exist as you are free from influence while existence is the opposite. For me non existence is perfection. People refer to it as " the void" but to me this is the void and non existence is freedom from it. Life is just a state of perpetually trying to fill that void with whatever distraction. If you don't exist, you have no desires so you are complete by default. But I get that this is a common fear as we do exist, forming attachments over time so it's only natural to have a positive biased for existence as it's really all we know. So to each his own.

 

[I am ___________]

I'd like to imagine death being put into the dark embrace of nothingness, a void. In a way like sleep, haven't had any good sleep in a while. I used to fear dying until I had 2 near death experiences, it was nothing but peace in a void of nothingness. Pitch black, empty, devoid of light, devoid of responsibilities and problems. I was completely at peace, I can't wait to finally go back there for good.

 

[MsM3talGamer]

This response has never made sense to me. The difference between being asleep...or "before I was born" and now is I AM awake..born...and can THINK and FEAR the idea of oblivion. I don't understand how anyone thinks this solves the worry. On top of that we have no idea if or what we DID perceive before birth...just because we don't remember now doesn't equal "nothing".

Nothing "solves the worry". All we can do is speculate until we find out.

 

[therhydler]

Do you like sleeping?

I don't even think sleep is something you can like or dislike - when you are sleeping you are not conscious, so there is no "I" that can experience liking or disliking. You can like the moment when you are going to bed knowing you will rest, like the feeling of drifting off to sleep or the feeling of waking up refreshed (or hate the feeling of waking up because you are conscious again), but you can't like or dislike the sleep itself.... I think. But thats the beauty of it... You are just not there...

 

[Dor]

I think this is a good question.

I'd like to imagine that it's useful to embrace suicide as "simply going to sleep forever and never waking up". I think this would trigger less fear and anxiety than approaching it as "killing myself and ceasing to exist for eternity".

Truth is no one can explain exactly what happens after this life with certainty so it helps little to lose sleep on the matter.

The only way to have sleept forever and never woken up is paradoxically to wake up and confirm you have sleept. If you never wake up it never happened, in fact nothing happened. But since the notion of something obviously exists then something is bound to happen.

If everything was eternal nothingness then something would've never happened, existence, the universe, you etc. etc. But obviously something did happen and existence came to exist. Maybe nothingness doesn't exist at all, there's always some state of existence no matter what. we just happen to exist in an complex enough form to confirm our own existence, be conscious of it.

Sometimes I think individual existentialism, as in I and you existing as separate individual entities and separate consciousness, is just an illusion. Everything really coexists not bound by space and time and time being an illusion that gives the illusion of separation between things, really everything happens simultaneously not bound by time.

 

[Dor]

No to be rude but it's silly to be afraid of "nothingness", since if there was true nothingness nothing would exist to experience it and appreciate it. People think to themselves "there would be eternal nothingness" as if they'd somehow experience it, they wouldn't, since there's nothing.

 

[2 be or not]

Physicists tell us that 'nature abhors a vacuum.' Also, there is a theory of black holes, which are at the center of every galaxy, that states that 'information about matter that enters them is not destroyed but preserved on its two dimensional surface.' And if the 'Holographic Principle' is correct, you are worried about literally nothing that exists in nature.

 

[TAW122]

This fear does tie back to the survival instinct on some level. Before one is born, there was no conscious and thus no survival instinct (as one did not exist then). After one is born and conceived, then after the brain and body develop enough, there comes conscious and the survival instinct (some could even argue that the survival instinct was there before conscious but that's another point). Through billions of years of evolution and during the time one is alive, there is always constant programming by society and those around one to fear death, reject death, and reinforce that death is a bad thing to be avoided at all costs. It is perfectly normal and within human nature to fear death or nothingness.

 

[AveryConure]

So I guess it's just survival instinct trying to stop me?

Well technically that's normal I suppose.

 

[Hunter]

It doesn't sound dumb to fear nothingness. I was in that same place only eight months ago before the pain got worse. I personally believe that as a rule of thumb, your physical/emotional pain has to reach a point of suffering that overrides any fear, including one of nonexistence.

I would also ask yourself why the thought of you not existing anymore is really all that scary. After all, all of us are going to die one day and we will be forgotten in time. Once you're actually dead, you will feel no pain, you'll feel no fear… In fact, it's quite easy to be dead because you'll feel nothing at all. Really what you're likely fearing are the last moments that you have before your actual death.

Survival instinct is a complicated and difficult thing to battle before you finally end your life. I know this type of talk is discouraged here, but sometimes there are deeper reasons why you may not be ready to stop existing. Yes, the instinct to survive is undoubtedly biologically built into us. There's also some percentage of chance that perhaps some part of you is not really ready yet to stop existing because there is something that you havent addressed or fulfilled yet and some part of you still wants that resolution. That would be perfectly fine too.

Part of what help me overcome the fear of nonexistence is understanding that death is very mundane and as humans we have a tendency to over estimate the value of our individual lives. There are 7 billion of us existing on this planet attempting to survive a fleeting existence in a world that happens to be inhabitable. You will die one day. Everyone will. Everyone of us on this forum s going to stop existing one day. And once you can finally accept that, you will be at a big step closer to overcoming your fear.

 

[GeorgeEastman]

It's all about greed. We all want whatever we can have. You can't have nothing, but you can be nothing. That's what I'm gonna be when I grow up. I'd be it right now if I had a 100% surefire method of getting it. Small chances of failure and prolonged worse than now pain is what really keeps me from suicide.