Hey everyone, I just signed up but I've been lurking for a while now. Recently things have been pretty bad, so I figured I'd talk to some of you guys on here. I've been thinking about CTB since I was really young. My life has been pretty good, all things considered so I've always felt like I didn't really have a reason to feel this way. I've never been able to fully attempt, someone has always stopped me or I got scared. I know I want to CTB, but I don't know how to get over my fear. I'm not sure why, I'm still hurting myself daily in one way or another. It's starting to make me think that "damn I'm not even good enough to CTB". I'm wondering if anyone does/has felt like this and if you've been able to move past it or lessen it. Thank you.
xxRoro
I only exist online
- Mar 27, 2024
- 77
Yeah I think that could be the case. I'm not sure if this makes sense but I don't think I'd want to be on any recreational drug when I do it. I want to be in control and be able to know what's going on. I've had bad experiences with drugs before so I'm not sure what would really help. I guess it's more of mentally getting over it
xxRoro
I only exist online
- Mar 27, 2024
- 77
NSA
Your friendly neighborhood agent
- Feb 21, 2022
- 262
Yeah. My life could be a whole lot worse too. The possibility of it getting worse is the main reason I keep thinking about it. I'm constantly backing out of my "ultimatums". "If i havent done x by now, ill do it", etc.
Kinda just accepting that when I'm truly ready I'll know it, and just doing my best to live halfway decently in the meantime.
Kinda just accepting that when I'm truly ready I'll know it, and just doing my best to live halfway decently in the meantime.
Ambivalent1
🎵 Be all, end all 🎵
- Apr 17, 2023
- 3,279
Some people arent meant to ctb. You have to be of the chosen 1% per year that do it globally. My bus ticket will be stamped one day 
Not-of-this-world lol taken from christian bumper stickers
Not-of-this-world lol taken from christian bumper stickers
myopia
on earth, we’re briefly gorgeous.
- Apr 8, 2024
- 60
I definitely feel this. I've been meaning to CTB for a half-decade now, yet I'm still here. I feel like such a fucking coward. I threw alway my entire life under the assumption I was going to CTB… and then never did it. I've been rotting for the past 2 years, getting more and more pathetic, and at this point, I need to CTB. But it's so difficult.
For me, the main issue has been how much effort it takes to plan a suicide. And I don't want to half-ass it either, I want it to be perfect. I've considered jumping, but I feel like there's too much room for error. For a while, I was set on obtaining a gun, but since being in the psych ward, so I'm doubtful I would pass their background check. I also don't want to give the government a reason to put me back. I've explored many other methods, but they all seem either dubious or logistically impossible.
My best hope is SN, but I have yet to find a reliable source. I'm starting to give up hope I ever will. I feel so helpless and trapped, like CTB is completely out of my hands, and then I feel like I'm just making excuses for myself, because so many people CTB every year, so why can't I? I'm so frustrated.
etherealspring
can someone just kill me already
- Mar 27, 2024
- 272
in a very similar situation, im relieved that there's someone else out there who's like me. i don't have anything helpful to say tho lol. sorry about that
