Venting Fear of imprisonment

[Tired]

Does anyone else want to seek help but is terrified of even mentioning being suicidal under threat of inprisonment? It was drilled into my head as a child if I mentioned being suicidal again they would have me locked up in a hospital. Since then I still haven't trusted anyone with this information. I want to say something but I feel I can't trust either my therapist or boyfriend and hotlines for sure call the police on you.

The only place I felt talking about this was r/ss but that was shutdown sending a clear message about what they think about us. If I make a post on any other support forum I get the same regurgitated feel good bullshit that only serves to make the poster feel better and solves nothing.

Sometimes I just want to scream but I keep silent and put on a smile lest I dare make anyone uncomfortable.

 

[Zee]

I totally feel that way too. Is like i can't even ask if the method i'm thinking will actually kill me of just leave me with a life time of secondary problems because i didn't do it correctly. I can't really tell anybody, do or try anything, the moment i do I could go to jail or a hospital or worse, they could send my family to jail too if i ever do it due to other related legal problems. i feel trapped and even here I'm having trouble saying the truth. But I'm new here and I have hope to vent at least and talk more freely with people that understand.

 

[Dead Girl Don't Care]

I've been in therapy, and I've been in a behavioral health ward for weeks on suicide watch. Absolutely use your best judgement—aka probably don't say anything, better safe than leaving in an ambulance and being fed god knows what pills against your will and unable to get a simple phone call—when discussing suicide with the outside world, especially therapists or others that the uninformed individual would think they could trust. It is their job and their—admittedly shitty—duty to report us and it fucking sucks because then we have next to no place to genuinely express ourselves in the outside world.

If you want help then I wouldn't say you shouldn't try to get it, but stick with saying you're mostly depressed and only passing thoughts of what being dead might be like, don't tell them how close you've come to killing yourself or that you self-harm because it is a very fine line and every one has a different threshold especially when it is their career and life on the line if they don't report us. Again it fucking sucks and I hate how the world opperates, but as it stands now this is how it is and we have to be on our toes when seeking help.

 

[Aity4883]

1 advice, NEVER EVER TELL ANYONE
(Online it's a bit different, eh..)

Read the horror stories...they should give you an idra of the risks of telling people.

 

[ChizuruN]

I was confined to a psych ward involuntarily before for suicidal ideation. They assessed me as "in immediate danger". This was a different time than when I've been locked up for a suicide attempt.

I agree with using your best judgement. At least in America, they can't really lock you up unless you are in immediate danger. I have told a different therapist directly that I will commit suicide sometime in the future, and they were unable to do anything about it.

I've heard horror stories about some therapists freaking out over slight suicidal ideation before though. Kind of a terrifying thought.

 

[Vox]

I got sent to the psycho farm for suicidal ideation once. It's not as bad as you think, if you can keep a clear head. Problems happen when you fight them or act like a psycho (like my suite mate did).

Just so you guys aren't unnecessarily scared, here's exactly what you can expect (USA only).

1) Cops come. DO NOT ARGUE. In general it's a bad life choice to argue with anyone wearing dark shades and unbuttoning the holster on his gun. If you can't immediately convince them that you're a happy harmless sane person, then just go along with it because it's easier to fool the doctors.

2) They take you to the hospital and dump you in a holding tank. No phone call. The tank has no windows and nothing you can harm yourself with, unless you're really ingenious and figure a way to kill yourself with a doorknob.

3) A nurse, and then another, and then another, comes to ask you your story. As annoying as it is, just play along. Stick to your story that you love life and this is all a big mistake. Act upbeat but don't smile too much or they may interpret that as a sign that there's something very wrong with you because who the hell smiles these days.

4) Still no phone call, nothing to drink, you're basically left alone for like 6 hours (no exaggeration). This is how they drive people insane so they can legally commit them. Be strong! Pass the time by thinking of 99 ways you can kill yourself with a doorknob.

5) They move you around a lot, a few more nurses ask you to repeat the same story you've told half a dozen times already. The whole "check in" process lasted 30 hours for me.

6) Finally they move you to the actual psycho ward. Yes!! Free cookies. Victory is almost yours. A dozen new nurses ask you your story. Resist the temptation to pin them down and asphyxiate them with free cookies, that's precisely what they WANT you to do.

7) At night you don't get a bed, you're forced to "sleep" in some stupid medical armchair contraption that is only slightly more comfortable that an economy class seat on ValuJet. But if you make friends with the pharmacy person, you might get some fun stuff to knock you out.

8) Try to ignore the echoing cries of fellow psychos who didn't have the benefit of reading this survival manual beforehand. Those people, and the ones who argue, tend to mysteriously vanish in the night.

THE PART YOU'RE ALL WAITING FOR, IN CASE MY LONG RAMBLE HASN'T BEEN ENTERTAINING ENOUGH...

9) By law they can't hold you more than 3 days unless you have demonstrated that you're a psycho. So on day 3, if you've been good and eaten all your cookies and watched all the G-rated movies playing in the dayroom (god if I have to watch Finding Nemo one more time I really will fng kill someone), then you'll finally get to see... A DOCTOR. This doctor is extremely bored with life and will only give you 8 mins of his/her time, so you better make it good. Act totally normal which means no drooling or trying to hang yourself with his necktie. He'll try to trick you by asking harmless questions like "do you ever feel like hurting yourself" but answer Noooooooo. Tell him you can't wait to go home and watch Finding Nemo. The strategy is to bore him so much that he has to let you go.

10) Go home. Kill self :)

 

[Dead Girl Don't Care]

6) Finally they move you to the actual psycho ward. Yes!! Free cookies. Victory is almost yours. A dozen new nurses ask you your story. Resist the temptation to pin them down and asphyxiate them with free cookies, that's precisely what they WANT you to do.

Ah damn, that was my mistake, I asphyxiated two nurses before trying to asphyxiate myself with the free cookies. That explains why I spent damn near a month in that place.

 

[Vox]

Ah damn, that was my mistake, I asphyxiated two nurses before trying to asphyxiate myself with the free cookies. That explains why I spent damn near a month in that place.

Hahaha so that was you? You're a legend.

 

[Aity4883]

I got sent to the psycho farm for suicidal ideation once. It's not as bad as you think, if you can keep a clear head. Problems happen when you fight them or act like a psycho (like my suite mate did).

Not as bad as you think? What you described in your story sounds awful, degrading and exhausting..NEVER TELL ANYONE!

 

[Tired]

I got sent to the psycho farm for suicidal ideation once. It's not as bad as you think, if you can keep a clear head. Problems happen when you fight them or act like a psycho (like my suite mate did).

Just so you guys aren't unnecessarily scared, here's exactly what you can expect (USA only).

1) Cops come. DO NOT ARGUE. In general it's a bad life choice to argue with anyone wearing dark shades and unbuttoning the holster on his gun. If you can't immediately convince them that you're a happy harmless sane person, then just go along with it because it's easier to fool the doctors.

2) They take you to the hospital and dump you in a holding tank. No phone call. The tank has no windows and nothing you can harm yourself with, unless you're really ingenious and figure a way to kill yourself with a doorknob.

3) A nurse, and then another, and then another, comes to ask you your story. As annoying as it is, just play along. Stick to your story that you love life and this is all a big mistake. Act upbeat but don't smile too much or they may interpret that as a sign that there's something very wrong with you because who the hell smiles these days.

4) Still no phone call, nothing to drink, you're basically left alone for like 6 hours (no exaggeration). This is how they drive people insane so they can legally commit them. Be strong! Pass the time by thinking of 99 ways you can kill yourself with a doorknob.

5) They move you around a lot, a few more nurses ask you to repeat the same story you've told half a dozen times already. The whole "check in" process lasted 30 hours for me.

6) Finally they move you to the actual psycho ward. Yes!! Free cookies. Victory is almost yours. A dozen new nurses ask you your story. Resist the temptation to pin them down and asphyxiate them with free cookies, that's precisely what they WANT you to do.

7) At night you don't get a bed, you're forced to "sleep" in some stupid medical armchair contraption that is only slightly more comfortable that an economy class seat on ValuJet. But if you make friends with the pharmacy person, you might get some fun stuff to knock you out.

8) Try to ignore the echoing cries of fellow psychos who didn't have the benefit of reading this survival manual beforehand. Those people, and the ones who argue, tend to mysteriously vanish in the night.

THE PART YOU'RE ALL WAITING FOR, IN CASE MY LONG RAMBLE HASN'T BEEN ENTERTAINING ENOUGH...

9) By law they can't hold you more than 3 days unless you have demonstrated that you're a psycho. So on day 3, if you've been good and eaten all your cookies and watched all the G-rated movies playing in the dayroom (god if I have to watch Finding Nemo one more time I really will fng kill someone), then you'll finally get to see... A DOCTOR. This doctor is extremely bored with life and will only give you 8 mins of his/her time, so you better make it good. Act totally normal which means no drooling or trying to hang yourself with his necktie. He'll try to trick you by asking harmless questions like "do you ever feel like hurting yourself" but answer Noooooooo. Tell him you can't wait to go home and watch Finding Nemo. The strategy is to bore him so much that he has to let you go.

10) Go home. Kill self :)

Well that just drills home the fact that telling anyone is a bad idea. I want help but I'm not willing to be incarcerated and drugged.

 

[Vox]

Lol I started out trying to convey that it's no big deal, but after I got into it I'm like Whoa actually it's a nightmare O_o

Ok here's the good part I left out... Actually after the cops left and they transferred me to the mental coop (a nonprofit place that doubles as a rehab center), things were really relaxed and I met a lot of awesome people. Half the staff were ex-psychos like you & me, so it was really cool talking to them. And the aforementioned cookies were totally nom nom good.

Maybe it's different if you go voluntarily, unlike me who was dragged off in the middle of the night half asleep (THANKS FAMILY! LUV YA!!)

But if you do decide to get yourself admitted, try to find a non profit place because I hear those people actually care, whereas the government run places are probably full of annoyed people who couldn't find a better job than waiting on nutcases like me.

 

[Machonne]

Yes, r/sanctionedsuicide may have actually caused suicide when they took away the only real support group for so many. It probably traumatized many people. I just found this place.

 

[JustLosingMyself]

If asked, admit to a vague plan and no timeline.
The more you flesh it out the more likely you'll spend a few days in the ward.
It's not prison. It's not fun but it isn't torture either.

 

[tidalwxves]

Does anyone else want to seek help but is terrified of even mentioning being suicidal under threat of inprisonment? It was drilled into my head as a child if I mentioned being suicidal again they would have me locked up in a hospital. Since then I still haven't trusted anyone with this information. I want to say something but I feel I can't trust either my therapist or boyfriend and hotlines for sure call the police on you.

The only place I felt talking about this was r/ss but that was shutdown sending a clear message about what they think about us. If I make a post on any other support forum I get the same regurgitated feel good bullshit that only serves to make the poster feel better and solves nothing.

Sometimes I just want to scream but I keep silent and put on a smile lest I dare make anyone uncomfortable.

You can be honest here, people will do our best to listen. I hope that you truly consider all your options, not only CTB - however I can't make decisions for you. I hope you use your voice here, and recognize that you are not alone. I hope this space empowers you. I hope you become educated on your options. I'm sorry you are in so much pain, but in terms of getting institutionalized thats not something you have to fear in this space