MiMif
I do not live for others to understand me...
- Sep 13, 2023
- 692
I'm not sure fear is the right way to describe it to be honest. It's just the ambiguousness that death brings is unsettling to me. I want to die and I dream about it everyday. However I can't help but think what happens after...do I just sleep or something. do I cease to exist.
I'm not sure I'm explaining this right but I feel unsettled and living all these years of life just to be swept under the rug and just cease...although it is what I want some part of me feels disappointed.
The thing is though even if I don't ctb I'll die of age and the same thing would happen. Honestly I wish someone just murdered me so i could stop thinking about it.
I wanna die gosh I wanna die. More then ever before I've realized there is no way for me to get better and no hope of ever achieving the happiness and dreams others chase. My existence is an utterly sad, useless, and pathetic one that despite always talking about ending I can't even seem to end myself.
This is just a vent
I'm not sure I'm explaining this right but I feel unsettled and living all these years of life just to be swept under the rug and just cease...although it is what I want some part of me feels disappointed.
The thing is though even if I don't ctb I'll die of age and the same thing would happen. Honestly I wish someone just murdered me so i could stop thinking about it.
I wanna die gosh I wanna die. More then ever before I've realized there is no way for me to get better and no hope of ever achieving the happiness and dreams others chase. My existence is an utterly sad, useless, and pathetic one that despite always talking about ending I can't even seem to end myself.
This is just a vent
