Venting fathers who scream and throw tantrums

[funeraleveryday]

yesterday I had a random abdominal pain and burning under my ribs that got so severe that it emanated to my shoulders and made them feel like they were shattering. It was definitely top 3 worst pains Ive ever experienced. I threw up twice from the pain. I asked my dad for support during the pain, hoping he would for once be a father, but My dad came over and started yelling and screaming at me while I was in pain. Everytime i have a flare up of intense pain and don't know if I should go to the hospital he starts screaming at me because it upsets him to see me in severe pain, so he takes it out on me. Since he screamed at me it made me suicidal and now I don't care to figure it out. I begged him to leave and he started calling 911. Then he stopped, and threatened to cut me off etc, the usual tantrum he throws. I hope it kills me soon. I just want to leave this world and be away from the people in my life. There's no point to want to be here. I wish that was a heart attack or something and killed me, im just disappointed I went through that pain for no reason. I just want to die. Everyday I just want to die. It'll never stop because I have such a bad "support network". Im ok with being lonely. I just wish my parents were a little more normal. I've actually had this flare up like 3-4 times, I definitely have some unknown health condition. I guess I'll go hospital next time just to get the pain to stop bc it was unbearable. If I get diagnosed with something maybe they'll give me drugs I can kill myself with. Idk. I bet dying from SN is equally as painful as that. this world is hell.

 

[FuneralCry]

That really sounds so horrible what you've been through, I agree that this world certainly is hell and it's very much understandable wishing to finally be free from the endless suffering that existing brings. But anyway I wish you the best.

 

[Pluto]

Sounds like it would be worth at least visiting a doctor. That pain sounds awful.

As for your father, there is a long list of psychological disorders that can lead to 'tantrums'. Autism, narcissistic personality disorder, bipolar, borderline personality disorder... the list goes on. It can be helpful to try and gain some insight so that you can better protect yourself. Even better is getting away from them if it's at all possible.

 

[KlMeNw]

yesterday I had a random abdominal pain and burning under my ribs that got so severe that it emanated to my shoulders and made them feel like they were shattering. It was definitely top 3 worst pains Ive ever experienced. I threw up twice from the pain. I asked my dad for support during the pain, hoping he would for once be a father, but My dad came over and started yelling and screaming at me while I was in pain. Everytime i have a flare up of intense pain and don't know if I should go to the hospital he starts screaming at me because it upsets him to see me in severe pain, so he takes it out on me. Since he screamed at me it made me suicidal and now I don't care to figure it out. I begged him to leave and he started calling 911. Then he stopped, and threatened to cut me off etc, the usual tantrum he throws. I hope it kills me soon. I just want to leave this world and be away from the people in my life. There's no point to want to be here. I wish that was a heart attack or something and killed me, im just disappointed I went through that pain for no reason. I just want to die. Everyday I just want to die. It'll never stop because I have such a bad "support network". Im ok with being lonely. I just wish my parents were a little more normal. I've actually had this flare up like 3-4 times, I definitely have some unknown health condition. I guess I'll go hospital next time just to get the pain to stop bc it was unbearable. If I get diagnosed with something maybe they'll give me drugs I can kill myself with. Idk. I bet dying from SN is equally as painful as that. this world is hell.

I'm sorry you are going through that with your Dad. The pain you're feeling is most likely caused by a condition called - Costochondritis, (kos-toe-kon-DRY-tis) is an inflammation of the cartilage that connects a rib to the breastbone (sternum). Pain caused by costochondritis might mimic that of a heart attack or other heart conditions. It's usaully caused by stress and anxiety, and it can also be caused by explosive emotional outbursts. I have had it myself and I know it can be very painful.

 

[unnormal9]

Sounds like it would be worth at least visiting a doctor. That pain sounds awful.

As for your father, there is a long list of psychological disorders that can lead to 'tantrums'. Autism, narcissistic personality disorder, bipolar, borderline personality disorder... the list goes on. It can be helpful to try and gain some insight so that you can better protect yourself. Even better is getting away from them if it's at all possible.

So you're a doctor now.

 

[Pluto]

So you're a doctor now.

You are welcome to fact-check my claims. I happen to have people with all of those conditions in my family so I have plenty of life experience.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I could be way off here (I'm not a doctor) but the pain sounds very similar to what I had when I had gallstones. The first attack I had- I thought (hoped) it was a heart attack.

May I ask- is the pain in your right side? Do the attacks tend to come on after you have eaten foods with fat in?

Between me leaving it so long and the NHS being so poor at diagnosing it- I had 13 attacks before anything was done. By which time- the pain hadn't subsided for 2-3 days. A stone had moved into the bile duct by then. I expect you can die from that eventually- it can lead to pancreatitus. I wouldn't have been able to cope with the pain for that long though.

I'd definitely say you need to see your doctor. Ignore your Dad. Presumably your 18+ if you're on here- you're an adult- you don't need his permission. Whatever it is- it does sound serious and it needs to be diagnosed and treated. I hope you can get it sorted out.

 

[unnormal9]

You are welcome to fact-check my claims. I happen to have people with all of those conditions in my family so I have plenty of life experience.

Dr. Pluto's advice at face value.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

You are welcome to fact-check my claims. I happen to have people with all of those conditions in my family so I have plenty of life experience.

I understand that your preceding "diagnosis" was well-intentioned, but I think it would be best to leave the "doctoring" to actual doctors, as the brief symptomology outlined by the OP could be caused by a myriad of conditions, some relatively benign and some quite serious. Even a real doctor wouldn't dare diagnose someone with the OP's symptoms during a tele-health visit without actually running some tests.

 

[Pluto]

I don't recall claiming to be a doctor or stating anything beyond a list of possible causes along with a suggestion to do further investigation.

I will add that my mother was prone to tantrums and it would have been a game changer if someone had suggested I researched it from a mental health perspective.

Secondly, professional diagnoses are not infallible and I have been misdiagnosed on multiple occasions with devastating results.

Out of respect for the OP I will clarify earlier remarks when I have time.

 

[howl pendragon]

I am so sorry about all you went through. I agree with @Pluto about your father, there are many mental disorders that can explain, sadly it is not uncommon to experience such a childhood. Hope you can get help about that pain, if you think you have some way of getting to a doctor, maybe some free clinic, I'm very supportive of trying!

My childhood was also filled with stories like that, with a possibly narcissistic and autistic parent, and a possibly borderline deeply depressed parent, neither of which diagnosed. But sometimes there are a few comportaments that makes one suspect...

 

[Kundalini Guy]

He screamed at you because he cares, it's just that he expresses his emotions differently than other men. My father was the definition of deadbeat and only contacted me once since 2014, at least yours is there with you and screaming when you attempt suicide.

 

[howl pendragon]

He screamed at you because he cares, it's just that he expresses his emotions differently than other men. My father was the definition of deadbeat and only contacted me once since 2014, at least yours is there with you and screaming when you attempt suicide.

I'm sorry for your past, but not all ways of expressing emotions are healthy or even do good. And many of them can harm the person on the other end. OP was not CTBing, they were in pain, and went to ask for help.

Yelling at someone because you can't express your emotions in a healthy way (or at least less aggressive way) remains toxic behavior. For example, a religious person (A) may try to convert another (B) by force, claiming that they cares. And in some twisted way, Person A really might be thinking they're doing the right thing. But that doesn't mean they're doing what's best for Person B.

 

[SexyIncél]

Secondly, professional diagnoses are not infallible and I have been misdiagnosed on multiple occasions with devastating results.

Yeah all knowledge is useful to anyone who learns some logic/reasoning. Shouldn't let some priesthood monopolize it and turn us into passive consumers. Some public intellectuals like Sam Vaknin spread the knowledge

Anyway, the OP's dad is not about to helpfully submit to some shrink poking at his mind. Against abusers, it's vital to find patterns to explain, predict and help us intervene

 

[Kundalini Guy]

I'm sorry for your past, but not all ways of expressing emotions are healthy or even do good. And many of them can harm the person on the other end. OP was not CTBing, they were in pain, and went to ask for help.

Yelling at someone because you can't express your emotions in a healthy way (or at least less aggressive way) remains toxic behavior. For example, a religious person (A) may try to convert another (B) by force, claiming that they cares. And in some twisted way, Person A really might be thinking they're doing the right thing. But that doesn't mean they're doing what's best for Person B.

Him just being there for OP is enough and the fact that he showed strong emotions at their attempt to CTB means hes a good dad.

 

[howl pendragon]

Him just being there for OP is enough and the fact that he showed strong emotions at their attempt to CTB means hes a good dad.

Was not an attempt. Read OP's post again please.

In fact, what OP reported is that precisely being treated that way in a moment of pain (and emotional sensitivity caused by the discomfort) caused the suicidal impulse.

And even if it was an attempt, treating the person aggressively during the attempt, making threats and yelling is not a positive display of feelings, and can do even more harm than good. Please do not romanticize the parent's reaction based on your wishes for your life to be different. OP doesn't deserve to go through this right now.

 

[glitterypearls]

those parents act like it's ur fault for being "annoying" and asking them to support you during physical pain. my mom was this way when I lived with her, she screamed at me for fainting and sobbed in front of me because somehow it was my fault and she is the victim here for having a sick child. it's not your fault. I'm sorry you dealt with this.

 

[Pluto]

As for your father, there is a long list of psychological disorders that can lead to 'tantrums'.

FACT CHECK:

Autism

Many autistic people have meltdowns. A meltdown is an intense response to an overwhelming situation. ...This loss of control can be expressed verbally (eg shouting, screaming, crying), physically (eg kicking, lashing out, biting) or in both ways. Source

Meltdowns are emotional avalanches that run their course whether you or the autistic person having it likes it or not. Source

narcissistic personality disorder

Narcissistic rage is a term that was first coined by author Heinz Kohut in 1972 to refer to the tendency for people with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) to fly into a rage with what might seem like the slightest provocation or no obvious provocation at all. Source

Examples of narcissistic rage range from intense outbursts and sudden fits of anger, to passive-aggressive acts. Source

bipolar

Common symptoms of mania associated with bipolar disorder include: aggression, irritability. Source

borderline personality disorder

If you have BPD, you may experience a range of often intense negative emotions, such as: ...rage. Source

Signs and symptoms may include ...Inappropriate, intense anger, such as frequently losing your temper, being sarcastic or bitter, or having physical fights. Source

Anyway, the OP's dad is not about to helpfully submit to some shrink poking at his mind. Against abusers, it's vital to find patterns to explain, predict and help us intervene

Yes, you said it better than I could have. Very worthwhile doing one's own research and seeking support and validation from a professional.

 

[funeraleveryday]

I don't know if it is against this forums conduct to revive this blogpost thread, but we figured out what it was after numerous more flares. It was ovarian torsion from 3 peach sized tumors, due to stage 4 Endometriosis lol. Had emergency surgery. Immediately post op the pain was a 7, right before they gave me Fentanyl etc. The torsion itself was an 8. That's how painful it is. I've read that it is more painful than childbirth. The pain brings you to your knees. It was a cancer scare and I'm pretty disappointed it's not cancer. I secured hydrocodone though.

What's annoying is that this disease is chronic, incurable, and might constantly require surgery for the rest of my life, which I can't afford.

As for the person who misread my post and thinks my dad is a "good dad" lol. If my dad was deadbeat my life would have been so much better. Sometimes fatherless people don't realize how much worse it can be to have a completely insane drug addict as a parent. I'll just let you be wrong. You literally do not even know how bad it can be.

 

[Iamtired]

I don't know if it is against this forums conduct to revive this blogpost thread, but we figured out what it was after numerous more flares. It was ovarian torsion from 3 peach sized tumors, due to stage 4 Endometriosis lol. Had emergency surgery. Immediately post op the pain was a 7. The torsion itself was an 8. It was a cancer scare and I'm pretty disappointed it's not cancer. I secured hydrocodone though.

What's annoying is that this disease is chronic, incurable, and might constantly require surgery for the rest of my life, which I can't afford.

As for the person who misread my post and thinks my dad is a "good dad" lol. If my dad was deadbeat my life would have been so much better. Sometimes fatherless people don't realize how much worse it can be to have a completely insane drug addict as a parent. I'll just let you be wrong. You literally do not even know how bad it can be.

Uuughhhh endo. I know a few girls who have this issue and it truly sounds like utter hell. I'm so sorry. And also truly sorry your dad is such an asshole, too. I hope you get it treated and try to get away from him and stay safe.

 

[GloomHands]

He screamed at you because he cares, it's just that he expresses his emotions differently than other men. ...

Ah, yes, yes... and I'm sure that the young boys in my grade school only bullied me because 'thEy LikEd mE' or 'TheY have a cruuuuuush'. This is line of reasoning is toxic and teaches young people that abuse equals love. This reasoning often goes hand-in-hand with 'boys will be boys'... another toxic line of reasoning.

This is enabling abusers! Or at the very least, creating adults with low emotional intelligence by handwaving bad behavior.

If someone honestly loved and cared about someone else, they would not walk over screaming at someone who was in extreme pain to the point where the recipient wants to die, or throw 'tantrums', or 'threaten to cut [OP] off'. Not only that, but OP alludes to the fact that this isn't the first time that he's been this way. Instead, he would have shown... gasp, empathy. Soft words of reassurance and affirmation.

Surly, surly, this man of 'alternative emotions' would at least understand that he wouldn't want to be verbally abused after getting his nuts crunched? I bet you he'd probably smack the shit out of the person who dares berate him in his moment of weakness.

My father was the definition of deadbeat and only contacted me once since 2014, at least yours is there with you and screaming when you attempt suicide.

Being a deadbeat parent has it's own... issues for the children. Though going from one extreme to the other isn't better by any means. I had a mother somewhat like OP's father and my father was... emotionally neglectful but not wholly absent, so I have experience on both sides of the bad parent spectrum. Plot twist: Both sucked and now it leads to me today; someone who wished I was the sperm that was flushed down the toilet/got caught in the sock. In short, I guess you could say... this was a bit triggering. Heh.


To the OP: I'm glad you were able to get a diagnosis to those mysterious pains... though it does sadden me it ended up being something that was "chronic, incurable, and might constantly require surgery". To whatever you wish to do going forward, OP, I hope it's something that you believe is the best for yourself.