Fathers day is just so difficult

[FireFox]

Sunday was Father's day in the UK. My own father didn't want me, he abandoned me before I was born and left my mum who was pregnant with me for another woman to start a new family with. My father lived in a new neighbourhood with a new life with this woman and completely didn't care about me. As a child my family never told me about who my father is whenever I asked they said they were "protecting me". The last time I heard from my father he was phoning the house asking my mother for money and did not ask how i was doing, my family even had to bring up the fact he didnt ask how his own daughter was doing. He is a real piece of sh*t who doesn't care about me, he only cares for himself.

My mum had to work to ensure I was provided for and I am forever grateful for that. Honestly one of the worst things about growing up with a single mother is the pressure and exceptions imposed upon me because my mum was a single mother. My mum was always working and whenever I got in to trouble as a teenager my mother constantly lectured me about the long hours she works and how I should not behave this badly etc. I absoultely hated her for this because I felt like I was been given hard time for everything whereas other kids at school there families were more relaxed.

Never having a father i missed out on everything. I do not know what is a normal loving relationship. I do not know what a man is supposed to be or how a man is supposed to treat a woman. I feel like there is something wrong inside of me because all my life men have rejected me. Sometimes I don't even feel like a real woman because we are always told by society a girl is beautiful, something to be desired but as a teenager boys at saw me just as the werid girl and all the other girls were see as a pretty and got asked out and boys wanted to their friends. The boys builled me at school or ignored me.In adulthood guys still ignore and reject me.

I am confident, enjoy talking to people but guys still reject me. I realise I am the problem maybe I was made to be unloved by men. My own father didn't even love me. I forgiven my father for never being there but as grow older I can no longer cope with male rejection. Its one of many reasons why I want to kill myself.
All I wanted was to be loved by a guy just like every other woman gets.

 

[BluesRunTheGame]

Sorry for your pain, have you tried the dating apps? I hear that women can often fare better than men on those.

 

[Ligottian]

To have committed every crime but to be a father.
- Emil Cioran

 

[nightnightnitrite]

I'm sorry father's day is so rough for you. That sounds hard having to bare such a burden from a young age and to constantly be effected by all of the societal pressures around you. As hard as it is to not want male attention and to not base your worth on it, it's something you should not actively seek out. Looking instead for genuine intentions from a man than attention from "a father figure" is what's best for your longevity of happiness. I do hope you are able to find that someday soon<3

 

[GreenTree]

Sorry for your pain, have you tried the dating apps? I hear that women can often fare better than men on those.

I wish I never joined one. Had many one night stands which is bad for the soul. Seams fun at the time but long term fucks you up. I'm male. Might be good if you find someone decent and aren't only after one thing. 80% of men only want one thing and I admit I did although I found a beautiful lady inside and out who I was with for 9 years. Best of luck.

 

[chocolatebar]

Sunday was Father's day in the UK. My own father didn't want me, he abandoned me before I was born and left my mum who was pregnant with me for another woman to start a new family with. My father lived in a new neighbourhood with a new life with this woman and completely didn't care about me. As a child my family never told me about who my father is whenever I asked they said they were "protecting me". The last time I heard from my father he was phoning the house asking my mother for money and did not ask how i was doing, my family even had to bring up the fact he didnt ask how his own daughter was doing. He is a real piece of sh*t who doesn't care about me, he only cares for himself.

My mum had to work to ensure I was provided for and I am forever grateful for that. Honestly one of the worst things about growing up with a single mother is the pressure and exceptions imposed upon me because my mum was a single mother. My mum was always working and whenever I got in to trouble as a teenager my mother constantly lectured me about the long hours she works and how I should not behave this badly etc. I absoultely hated her for this because I felt like I was been given hard time for everything whereas other kids at school there families were more relaxed.

Never having a father i missed out on everything. I do not know what is a normal loving relationship. I do not know what a man is supposed to be or how a man is supposed to treat a woman. I feel like there is something wrong inside of me because all my life men have rejected me. Sometimes I don't even feel like a real woman because we are always told by society a girl is beautiful, something to be desired but as a teenager boys at saw me just as the werid girl and all the other girls were see as a pretty and got asked out and boys wanted to their friends. The boys builled me at school or ignored me.In adulthood guys still ignore and reject me.

I am confident, enjoy talking to people but guys still reject me. I realise I am the problem maybe I was made to be unloved by men. My own father didn't even love me. I forgiven my father for never being there but as grow older I can no longer cope with male rejection. Its one of many reasons why I want to kill myself.
All I wanted was to be loved by a guy just like every other woman gets.

I'm so sorry for your situation. I never had a non present father and I missed so much too. I don't know what a father is supposed to do or what experiences other people had. I remember reading a book called "Your Fathers, Where Are They? And the Prophets, Do They Live Forever?" and relating so much to having a hole in life, even after long into adulthood.

The impact on me was a bit different. I'm a man and I never learned how to be one. I don't actually feel like a man, but not in the gender/sexual way. I look at other man and I feel like I'm too different from them. But when I think about it, my father isn't really a good person and maybe it was better not to learn from him. When I see some things other men do, I'm glad not to be like them. I'm just extremely confused in the end.

To have committed every crime but to be a father.
- Emil Cioran

Hey, I understand the feelings and the philosophy behind that quote, but do you really think if fits here. Cioran talks about being a father in the sense of creating a new person and not in the parenting sense. Besides, I would feel bad If I made this post and saw that quote as a reply.

 

[FireFox]

I'm so sorry for your situation. I never had a non present father and I missed so much too. I don't know what a father is supposed to do or what experiences other people had. I remember reading a book called "Your Fathers, Where Are They? And the Prophets, Do They Live Forever?" and relating so much to having a hole in life, even after long into adulthood.

The impact on me was a bit different. I'm a man and I never learned how to be one. I don't actually feel like a man, but not in the gender/sexual way. I look at other man and I feel like I'm too different from them. But when I think about it, my father isn't really a good person and maybe it was better not to learn from him. When I see some things other men do, I'm glad not to be like them. I'm just extremely confused in the end.


Hey, I understand the feelings and the philosophy behind that quote, but do you really think if fits here. Cioran talks about being a father in the sense of creating a new person and not in the parenting sense. Besides, I would feel bad If I made this post and saw that quote as a reply.

@chocolatebar

Awww virtual hug for you and sending lots of love

What matters really if a hunan being is a good person who is kind to other people. I am glad I am not selfish like my father.

 

[AllByMyself]

Your dad deserted you and then called asking for money?? No offense,but are your parents of different races?

 

[FireFox]

I'm sorry father's day is so rough for you. That sounds hard having to bare such a burden from a young age and to constantly be effected by all of the societal pressures around you. As hard as it is to not want male attention and to not base your worth on it, it's something you should not actively seek out. Looking instead for genuine intentions from a man than attention from "a father figure" is what's best for your longevity of happiness. I do hope you are able to find that someday soon<3

@nightnightnitrite

Thank you for your kind words. As I grow older I realised it is too late for me to find love and I will not get my happy ending. All my life I have been girl now woman who always rejected by men. It has finally broken me and I can no longer cope anymore.

I am 25 and I feel like I have been single for a lifetime.

Your dad deserted you and then called asking for money?? No offense,but are your parents of different races?

@AllByMyself

No we all the same race, race is entirely irrelevant. My father has a reputation for being selfish and self centred.

I wish I never joined one. Had many one night stands which is bad for the soul. Seams fun at the time but long term fucks you up. I'm male. Might be good if you find someone decent and aren't only after one thing. 80% of men only want one thing and I admit I did although I found a beautiful lady inside and out who I was with for 9 years. Best of luck.

@GreenTree

As I grow older I realise now I was made to be rejected by men. I was so confident as teenage girl. I spoke at school assemblies, I was not afraid to answer questions in class and express my opinions and ideas, I fought back against the builles in school and was not afraid to talk to people but still I was seen as the werid girl. That was reputation at school. Being the unpopular werid girl boys made fun of me or ignored me. The guy I had a crush on at school I loved him because I thought he was different but he was like everyone else in the school who thought I was the werid girl. We used to talk regularly at school break and had fun but one day he started to push me away during breaktimes whenever I talked to him because he didn't want me around him anymore. People in the school gossiped when we started hanging out. He also publicly humiliated me in front of the entire school. It stil hurts till this day.

I can't win anymore. Most guys want a really attractive girlfriend and don't care about personality. As more men continue be exposed to multiple images of attractive women in the pornography videos they stream on their devices,the only fans accounts they subscribe to it is inevitable a generation of men will have higher demands of what they want in a woman. My black hair, brown eyes and brown skin are boring compared to that woman with blonde hair and blue eyes or red hair living in a European country doesnt help either.
I wished was a blonde bombshell because guys will find me attractive and will actually notice me because society see blonde women as beautiful. My personality will never be enough.

 

[waitingforrest]

It's the same feeling every year, making crayon scribbled cards with stick figures and hearts all over.
But to never have anyone to give it to, because they don't care, they don't care to be involved or stay.

I wanted so badly to have a father to give these dumb school crafts to. To experience the joy of watching it get put on the stupid cliche refridgerator. I still kind of do. If I had loving parents just for a second, I wouldn't care if I died right then, it's all l ever wanted, was to just be loved.

Father's day is like a sick joke.
It is really depressing, I'm sorry you have to go through this. Sometimes it feels like no matter the amount effort and love put in, people always seem to leave. I hope tomorrow will be less painful than today for you. I wish this world wasn't painful.

 

[WearyHSP]

Never having a father i missed out on everything. I do not know what is a normal loving relationship. I do not know what a man is supposed to be or how a man is supposed to treat a woman. I feel like there is something wrong inside of me because all my life men have rejected me.

I hear you! And very sorry for such a difficult and lasting trauma around men and relationships. My stuff is quite different, but I can say since my father passed, I feel only relief now.
God I remember each Father's Day (and Mother's Day too) searching for a card that wasn't an outright lie. If there was one that said, "I love you" I could do that but the vast majority stating what a great role model, how they taught you things etc. stuff that just never existed for me. Going through the cards was minor torture.

I have trauma and trauma repeats. All I can say is when I read your post, it rang all kinds of bells of my own situations where I did all the right things and did all the inner work but I remained a magnet for bad (insert anything here: bosses, men, living situations...) Basicaly they reflect the original wounds. Somehow it just repeats. I can't really explain it.

That said, I do know people who have created secure, stable relationships which allowed them to do the inner work and shift their experiences. There is hope and wow, you're 25. I'm almost 60 so I'm sorry, but I couldn't help laughing that you thought that your age was enough time to figure this all out and resolve it. (all due respect, I'm not laughing at your pain, I promise.)

I'd give it at least 10 more years of inner work (whatever that means for you) before giving up. If you can stand it.
I recommend finding friends who share common interests and notice how you relate to them. Grow confidence there first.
Again, what your father did and continues to do is horrible. Clearly he's a narcissist. I'm so sorry his abandonment etc caused such struggles in your home life and lack of any decent modeling. That is clearly trauma.

 

[Superdeterminist]

I never cared much for father's day or mother's day to be honest. I view most festivities like that as stupid and pointless, including birthdays. I guess it can be fun if you're really close to your parents, but otherwise it's not really a good time. My mother has always been close with me, but our disagreement about some very important things has limited this closeness. I have always been distant from my father but this has never bothered me much, personally. Being alone sucks big time though, for sure.

 

[Grav]

Being a father myself I have a hard time with Father's Day because I want to end it but don't want to dump all that on my daughter so I keep quiet and put on a smile when I'm planning on hanging myself. My dad was a piece of crap and I'm glad he's dead, it ended a lot of crap; so I had no role model of my own. I was also in pretty much a single mother house and heard the same kind of comments but as we aged and talked, more of it was to not grow up into societal traps than bitching to bitch, although we siblings earned a bunch of that. It takes a lot to be a father and not just a gene contributor. A lot of it is putting up with stuff and being around when the shit hits the fan, and you never get the "oh it's my mom!" reaction, kind of the backup parent.

I do smile at the "want a blonde blue-eyed hottie" because I know a bunch of those guys and they either got taken good in a divorce or spend a lot of time alone waiting for her to show up. At 25 most guys are still just looking to stick it anywhere they can then move on. Can't give you man attraction advice but first thing you'd have to feel comfortable being you (whatever you take that as and how much is needed). Usually guys who are looking for more than a hook up, guys who are looking for more of the person, can pick up on "super needy" vibes and tend to steer clear, unless they're going to use you. Just be cautious and not desperate.

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm sorry that you suffer so much. This life really is so unfair. Some people really are so cruel and disappointing, and to me it is awful the way that some people treat others. I wish you the best.