Father makes me want to kill myself

[LonelyPrince]

I could be doing okay for one minute and he barges in screaming with explosive rage for the smallest things.
It's been like this since childhood.
You can't let your guard down for one fucking second.
You think he is happy? Sike, he has now found a reason or excuse to be mad at you, treat you as a punching bag.

I'm literally his emotional punching bag and sometimes even his literal one.

Everytime he speaks to me I get this urge to slice my flesh, to buy the sn, now that i have a source, and just be done with it.

But I don't want to die like this.
I don't want to have a funeral.
I don't want my legal name to be displayed on the tomb.
I don't want fuckers whom I've been trying to avoid all these years to "cry" for me.

If I could just be wiped from everyone's memory as soon as I die I'd actually do it right now.
I don't want anyone to think of me, "mourn" for me.

I think one of these days I'll actually end up taking substances or cutting too deep if he keeps this psychotic act.
Oh, how I wish he could just drop dead. I've wished that ever since I was a kid.

Years and years of his abuse, rage, belittling, oppression and control...I can't fucking do this anymore.
I wonder if he would actually regret his actions if he were to see me dead in my room.
Probably not.
He'd just blame it on me like he always does.

 

[Alpacachino]

Bad parents are a lost cause. I had the same issue with my father. My mother, however is a good woman.So I survived.

Hope things get better for you.

 

[FamilialBlackSheep]

But I don't want to die like this.
I don't want to have a funeral.
I don't want my legal name to be displayed on the tomb.
I don't want fuckers whom I've been trying to avoid all these years to "cry" for me.

I feel the exact same way! When I die I want no proof of my existence and to be forgotten by anyone who knew me, you are not alone in this pain.

 

[sanctionedusage]

mine exploded at me yesterday, called me stupid and irrational/impossible to talk to/everything's always my doing or my fault, because i have my phone on DND in the daytime while i'm sleeping. he barged in while i was cooking and accused me of blocking him and demanded i tell him everything i ever do. even though i've been doing this for the last 4 years and no one's ever had a problem with it or even asked me about it. he also texted me earlier, so not sure how he could think i blocked him. i guess he can't think clearly when he feels guilty and targeted and takes every single instance in life as a direct attack on him, ignoring how everyone else has the exact same treatment. cut with a kitchen knife anyway

 

[LonelyPrince]

mine exploded at me yesterday, called me stupid and irrational/impossible to talk to/everything's always my doing or my fault, because i have my phone on DND in the daytime while i'm sleeping. he barged in while i was cooking and accused me of blocking him and demanded i tell him everything i ever do. even though i've been doing this for the last 4 years and no one's ever had a problem with it or even asked me about it. he also texted me earlier, so not sure how he could think i blocked him. i guess he can't think clearly when he feels guilty and targeted and takes every single instance in life as a direct attack on him, ignoring how everyone else has the exact same treatment. cut with a kitchen knife anyway

I resonate with this lmao.
My father is completely irrational and illogical.
Some people should not be parents.