bl33ding_heart
Borderline
- Jun 24, 2025
- 811
The more I live and the more I experience it really feels like fate isn't on my side. It feels like I'm just a big joke to the universe. Nothing ever works out in my favour and everything has to have an unfortunate ending. My relationship of one month ended 4 days ago. These past few days have been hellish for me, because of my bpd I can't just move on with my life like any normal person would. The attachment lingers, and while they get to move on without care I have to deal with the consequences of my disorder. This person broke up with me over unfortunate misunderstandings and disagreements. They accused me of cheating on them for the most stupid reason. And I literally didn't cheat on them. I feel like they don't genuinly think I cheated but were just being insanely insecure and deep down they knew that. But anyways we didn't talk for 4 days because I was in the hospital for a few days. Before we broke up I'd been severely unwell for a while. And I ended up having to be hospitalised and finding out my kidneys are in a horrible condition. I have chronic kidney disease so this is nothing new to me, but my health hasn't been dangerously bad in a long time. I was discharged yesterday and reached out to them this morning. I told them I loved and missed them only to be treated with bluntness and empty responses. I eventually asked them if they would be willing to take me back and they said they would under certain circumstances, despite just telling me they don't love me or want me anymore. I was honestly really hurt but I still didn't give up hope because I'm stupid and desperate. A little later they told me they had already found a new girlfriend, and I asked them why they would agree to get back with me if they were already dating someone else. And their excuse was "well I just started dating her". That honestly pissed me off beyond belief. The nerve to call me a cheater over nothing then text your ex and agree to get back with them while being in a relationship. They just started telling me how much better their new girlfriend is to try and trigger my bpd is and I just blocked them. I'm honestly really tired and I want this nightmare to be over. They acted so immature during our relationship and hurt me so much. And I didn't expected such immaturity because this person is 29 years old, while I'm 18. I didn't think much of the age gap while being with them because I was too blinded by love and unhealthy attachment. But now that I think about it dating someone as young as me at that age is insanely weird and creepy. I just cant believe I'd be cursed with someone so sociopathic. I could of died of my kidney condition and they didn't care. When I told them how hurt I was and how deeply affected I was they didn't care. I shouldn't have to beg someone that's supposed to love me to show even an ounce of care towards me. I'm just so exhausted, and my urges to die are worse than ever right now.
