Family has no issue talking shit on me but talking to me is apparently something they won't do

[lifecouldbedream]

I'm already planning my suicide again after hearing their conversations. I've given myself about 6 months to a year, if things don't improve by then I will go far out into the woods and suicide by my choice, I'm thinking SN or a firearm but I don't really know how to get my hands on either so hanging is also an option.

They talk plenty of shit on me but don't want to see if I need help. They just assume I'm doing this to spite them or to be lazy. I suddenly stopped going to school because being around people became like mental torture. Nobody said a word when I did. They just talked shit in the background and let me slowly wither away mentally, never asking why.

Of course, when I do it I'm sure they'll say things like "How could we have known?" and "I just wish we saw the signs!" What a joke.

I just wished that I hadn't made a friend that I care about so much. It will hurt her but I don't know what else to do.

 

[FuneralCry]

Some people really can be so cruel and can just make things worse. I'm sorry that you are going through this. I understand that it can be a difficult situation to be in, wanting to leave yet you are leaving behind someone you care about. This life is so painful and I know that it is hard to carry on when you suffer so much. I wish you the best in whatever you choose to do.

 

[FinalDestiny]

They talk plenty of shit on me but don't want to see if I need help. They just assume I'm doing this to spite them or to be lazy. I suddenly stopped going to school because being around people became like mental torture. Nobody said a word when I did. They just talked shit in the background and let me slowly wither away mentally, never asking why.

Of course, when I do it I'm sure they'll say things like "How could we have known?" and "I just wish we saw the signs!" What a joke.

I wish I knew how to help you or to find the words that can help you heal.
This specific topic is quite personal to me. Between family, "so called" friends and (lately) random strangers who live nearby.

I don't have a better answer to the underlying problem than, "nobody gives a fuck".
I wish human beings did care for one, I wish I understood what drives people to be so cruel.

I personally make it a rule not to speak ill about a person behind their back because of my own experiences in how this has destroyed my self-confidence.
Those who are willing to damage someone in the shadows, is not worthy of trust. If they do it to you, they will do it to someone else.
If you won't say it to my face, it isn't worth being heard in my opinion.

They will always feign ignorance won't they?

"He had so much", "He was so smart", "He could have done so much more"
These are just a part of the lies people will tell themselves as they pat themselves on the back to console themselves.
They too will eventually pass, I wonder what they expect will be said about them.
Will they actually be remembered for how disgusting they were, spreading lies about a person and not actually speaking to the person in question?

I hope that you find your way friend, I am also on a journey. I hope that we both make it out of this environment of destruction and hostility. Whatever means that may be for either of us.

 

[lifecouldbedream]

I wish I knew how to help you or to find the words that can help you heal.
This specific topic is quite personal to me. Between family, "so called" friends and (lately) random strangers who live nearby.

I don't have a better answer to the underlying problem than, "nobody gives a fuck".
I wish human beings did care for one, I wish I understood what drives people to be so cruel.

I personally make it a rule not to speak ill about a person behind their back because of my own experiences in how this has destroyed my self-confidence.
Those who are willing to damage someone in the shadows, is not worthy of trust. If they do it to you, they will do it to someone else.
If you won't say it to my face, it isn't worth being heard in my opinion.

They will always feign ignorance won't they?

"He had so much", "He was so smart", "He could have done so much more"
These are just a part of the lies people will tell themselves as they pat themselves on the back to console themselves.
They too will eventually pass, I wonder what they expect will be said about them.
Will they actually be remembered for how disgusting they were, spreading lies about a person and not actually speaking to the person in question?

I hope that you find your way friend, I am also on a journey. I hope that we both make it out of this environment of destruction and hostility. Whatever means that may be for either of us.

I recently made a month's supply of mushroom microdose pills, so I'm hoping that with the help of those and I can pull myself off the ground and become a successful human being. I've also met a girl who I care for very much, and would like to live with. Additionally I cannot bear to think of the way she would feel if she suddenly found out I had died via suicide. I am going to get out of this hell.