Family Dysfunction: Vent

[Water-Lily]

Following my grandmothers second hospitalization and emergency surgery, my family has disintegrated into more abuse, dysfunction, etc

At home, I keep cordial with my father and ignore my brother. Not a healthy dynamic by any means, but I keep to myself and stay outside as much as possible while looking for opportunities for better living arrangements (moving out)

At my relatives home, it's a horrible mess. A lot of fighting and abuse, bad enough that warrants police intervention

The issue, is that nobody wants to get the authorities involved. Because no one wants to "hurt the family"

No one wants to "ruin everyones lives"

And so the status quo, as with when it came to my abusive mother, is that its best to just take the abuse, smile, live in denial (I am not upset/I need to stop being so sensitive and bothered) and keep in going pretending we're one big happy family

The abuse in question involves people being locked out of the home, destroying furniture, physical abuse, etc

It's sick seeing all of this go down, tho I refuse to take part in it

It shows me my family are a bunch of abusive cowards. Willing to enable the most sickest forms of abuse to maintain and illusion of "happy family"

It hurts me greatly being surrounded by so much drama. I try to engage in my social life and school work to keep grounded but its a lot sometimes

It makes me suicidal on top of other things

I just needed to vent this all out

 

[Kit1]

Dear Water-Lily,

I am so sorry that you are currently stuck with the dysfunctional family. MaybI ask how old you are?

I packed my bag and left the family house aged 14 - I was homeless and thankfully life looked better after leaving the so called family. I am not advocating anyone to leave home to be homeless - though for me, that was the best decision I made in my life.

Your time will come and you can walk away and not engage with any of these people. And life can look and feel better though it might not feel like it now. Unfortunately dysfunctional families are like poison whose behaviour poisons those of us who are born into these family. But we can walk away and despite struggling, can build another life for ourselves.

I sincerely wish you all the best.

 

[Water-Lily]

Dear Water-Lily,

I am so sorry that you are currently stuck with the dysfunctional family. MaybI ask how old you are?

I packed my bag and left the family house aged 14 - I was homeless and thankfully life looked better after leaving the so called family. I am not advocating anyone to leave home to be homeless - though for me, that was the best decision I made in my life.

Your time will come and you can walk away and not engage with any of these people. And life can look and feel better though it might not feel like it now. Unfortunately dysfunctional families are like poison whose behaviour poisons those of us who are born into these family. But we can walk away and despite struggling, can build another life for ourselves.

I sincerely wish you all the best.

I'm 26. And please don't judge me for not having left yet. I want to, desperately, but it's not feasible right now financially hence I'm back in school to get a better degree for work

 

[Kit1]

I'm 26. And please don't judge me for not having left yet. I want to, desperately, but it's not feasible right now financially hence I'm back in school to get a better degree for work

Water-Lily, I am not judging you at all. In fact when Inwas typing the earlier message, I was silently trying to speak to you (please don't laugh at that) willing you to stay and finish your education before moving on. Also it takes incredible strength to stay, study and move on with a plan. So well done for doing that!

 

[Water-Lily]

Water-Lily, I am not judging you at all. In fact when Inwas typing the earlier message, I was silently trying to speak to you (please don't laugh at that) willing you to stay and finish your education before moving on. Also it takes incredible strength to stay, study and move on with a plan. So well done for doing that!

Thank you. I've had people judge me for not "running away" earlier who don't understand the history and impact of my trauma

Moving on, my plan is to finish my masters degree while looking for ways to move out. I applied to be an RA on campus for next semester so I get free housing. Am also going to apply for a summer campus position to be on campus this summer too

And also look for ways to get some form of income to save money obv

 

[Kit1]

Thank you. I've had people judge me for not "running away" earlier who don't understand the history and impact of my trauma

Moving on, my plan is to finish my masters degree while looking for ways to move out. I applied to be an RA on campus for next semester so I get free housing. Am also going to apply for a summer campus position to be on campus this summer too

And also look for ways to get some form of income to save money obv

Good Luck. You have a very realistic and workable plan - and to be honest, this is more likely to lead you onto a more permanent, peaceful route way to life that just running away.., I really really hope that everything works out for you in your favour and you find true peace of mind, contentment and happiness. Take care and best wishes.