Venting Family contributing to suicide fuel

[Azzy69]

As I write this, I am currently listening to "go fck yourself" by Two Feet, and lying next to my old dog in my bed. Today was one of the worst days of my life. I had a doctor's appointment to receive blood test results back, and to check in with the Doctor to see how I am going without taking my medication. D says I have low iron and I will need to take supplements, and eat more red meat. I'm a vegetarian lol. I got quite annoyed and agitated. Apparently my white blood cell count is high and I'll need another blood test, which I refuse to do so as I have a shit load of cuts on my arms. After this my mom asked to speak the Doctor, and I didn't leave the room as I didn't want them talking about me behind my back. My mom told the Doctor I am quiet and withdrawn. I think it was obvious, but okay. After the appointment I was pissed off and as we were walking back to the car I wasn't thinking and I was being reckless and I walked into the path of a car reversing. My mom pulled me out of the way by my shirt and screamed at me, even though right across the road was a playground with little kids and their parents. The entire way home she was telling me how I am too depressed, and how I should get over it. She told me to reconsider going back on my medication, and cancelling my appointments as I am 'wasting people's time acting like a 12 year old'. She said I need to limit my computer use in her household as it is 'fucking with my head'. Honestly, she fails to regard how difficult it is to live with mental illness. As soon as I got home I walked into my bedroom and closed the curtains and cried. I heard my mom bitching about me to my stepdad, and she said that I am trying to manipulate her by sulking, which I am not doing. I plan on killing myself in less than 2 years, but this has made me reconsider. I am in a long distance relationship with somebody who is suicidal, depressed, and we plan on killing ourselves together, hence why I am waiting. I don't think I can stick around much longer. The only thing stopping me is the fact that I am worried about what comes after death, not so much the dying process. I can't move out of home as I only turned 18 in late May this year, and I have absolutely no money, and I can't find a job due to mental issues and self harm. At this point I don't even want to leave a suicide note addressed to family. God kill me now I m trapped in hell and I can't escape reality.

 

[lymbo]

where u from?

 

[Spock87]

Am not as young as you but family is pushing me to do it sooner and what's funny I think my husband wants me to do it cause he tells people am fine

 

[Azzy69]

where u from?

Australia

 

[ArtVandelay]

D says I have low iron and I will need to take supplements, and eat more red meat. I'm a vegetarian lol.

Doctors are notorious for giving bad nutritional advice, since they really don't have much training in that area. You don't need red meat. Lentils, beans, soy, spinach, nuts, seeds, oats, and potato skins are all good sources of iron.

 

[Azzy69]

Doctors are notorious for giving bad nutritional advice, since they really don't have much training in that area. You don't need red meat. Lentils, beans, soy, spinach, nuts, seeds, oats, and potato skins are all good sources of iron.

Exactly. They don't always know what is best.

 

[MaybeMaybeKnot]

I'm sorry that your family is putting you through this. Did your meds help before? Have you tried anything like DBT? I know you didn't ask for answers. Would just love to see you feel better about yourself.

 

[Azzy69]

I'm sorry that your family is putting you through this. Did your meds help before? Have you tried anything like DBT? I know you didn't ask for answers. Would just love to see you feel better about yourself.

They didn't really help, they just made me have violent thoughts and anger outbursts. No I have not tried. Would it be worth considering?

 

[MaybeMaybeKnot]

They didn't really help, they just made me have violent thoughts and anger outbursts. No I have not tried. Would it be worth considering?

DBT helped me a bunch about 5 years ago. I'm off work to go through it again starting the first week of December. It's worth a try, right?

 

[Why you?]

As I write this, I am currently listening to "go fck yourself" by Two Feet, and lying next to my old dog in my bed. Today was one of the worst days of my life. I had a doctor's appointment to receive blood test results back, and to check in with the Doctor to see how I am going without taking my medication. D says I have low iron and I will need to take supplements, and eat more red meat. I'm a vegetarian lol. I got quite annoyed and agitated. Apparently my white blood cell count is high and I'll need another blood test, which I refuse to do so as I have a shit load of cuts on my arms. After this my mom asked to speak the Doctor, and I didn't leave the room as I didn't want them talking about me behind my back. My mom told the Doctor I am quiet and withdrawn. I think it was obvious, but okay. After the appointment I was pissed off and as we were walking back to the car I wasn't thinking and I was being reckless and I walked into the path of a car reversing. My mom pulled me out of the way by my shirt and screamed at me, even though right across the road was a playground with little kids and their parents. The entire way home she was telling me how I am too depressed, and how I should get over it. She told me to reconsider going back on my medication, and cancelling my appointments as I am 'wasting people's time acting like a 12 year old'. She said I need to limit my computer use in her household as it is 'fucking with my head'. Honestly, she fails to regard how difficult it is to live with mental illness. As soon as I got home I walked into my bedroom and closed the curtains and cried. I heard my mom bitching about me to my stepdad, and she said that I am trying to manipulate her by sulking, which I am not doing. I plan on killing myself in less than 2 years, but this has made me reconsider. I am in a long distance relationship with somebody who is suicidal, depressed, and we plan on killing ourselves together, hence why I am waiting. I don't think I can stick around much longer. The only thing stopping me is the fact that I am worried about what comes after death, not so much the dying process. I can't move out of home as I only turned 18 in late May this year, and I have absolutely no money, and I can't find a job due to mental issues and self harm. At this point I don't even want to leave a suicide note addressed to family. God kill me now I m trapped in hell and I can't escape reality.

Dude, I feel you.
People think that being depressed is just a phase and why can't the depressed person 'snap out' of it. They don't understand that what we feel is deeper than what any of them feel. Even my mother blames the books I read and music I listen to. She doesn't understand that these 'depressed' books and music is what is keeping me alive. You know how people say talking to people who feel the same way helps? I think it's true. That's why all of us are here, aren't we? For support? None of us really want to die, it's just that the only option the world - fuck, the universe - is giving us is to kill ourselves.
Also, is everyone here really above 18? And if so, I think kids should be allowed in. If they feel the same way, they are already too mature for their age, no matter how childish they are.