It's no different than keeping any other secret. For instance, it is like cheating on your partner. You smile and act as everything is ok.
You have ethics and morals which causes these feelings. Lying to people is wrong, and you know it even if it is subconscious.
Come here and talk it out. Also remember and tell yourself. Sometimes it is the kindest thing one can do is to not tell someone something you know would hurt them.
I know, that's why it's so difficult, even more so when you have a clean conscious
It builds up and just manifests inside my head , which is why I feel the need to vent it out. But in the same breathe you're right with the kindest thing to do, it's not like I could just go around telling my loved ones that 'hey by the way I'm not gonna be here in the next month so don't plan anything with me'
Just a real big conflict of right and wrong at the moment sadly
I'm literally going through that now, promised my friends that I'd make an appointment for my mental health and would call the hotline to increase my chance of getting help.
What they don't know is: I'm too tired to seek help, haven't got a will to continue my life anymore and am just suffering while I wait for SN.
I haven't got the heart to tell them that I can't imagine getting out of this darkness, I will just pretend from now on that I'm okay to have them less worried for as long as it takes I guess
I can relate all to well with that on every level, it still doesn't make me want to reconsider, just pretty sad to be honest holding all of these lies in when me as a person am genuinely transparent and open with things like that