Discussion False promises

[6ixxy]

Does anyone have any 'stories' of giving people false promises and hope for the future, when in reality you know you aren't going to be around for it? If so how the FUCK do you deal with it? Feeling a mass amount of guilt & disappointment within myself for essentially lying to people & I hadn't really expected this emotion to crop up and it's kinda blindsided me.
Any sort of advice & help would be greatly appreciated as it's starting to eat me up inside

 

[waterbottleman]

My mom has been asking me what I want for Christmas, I keep telling her idk.

I feel bad because she doesn't know that I plan on not being here any longer by the time Christmas rolls around =(

 

[Jean4]

Does anyone have any 'stories' of giving people false promises and hope for the future, when in reality you know you aren't going to be around for it? If so how the FUCK do you deal with it? Feeling a mass amount of guilt & disappointment within myself for essentially lying to people & I hadn't really expected this emotion to crop up and it's kinda blindsided me.
Any sort of advice & help would be greatly appreciated as it's starting to eat me up inside

It's no different than keeping any other secret. For instance, it is like cheating on your partner. You smile and act as everything is ok.

You have ethics and morals which causes these feelings. Lying to people is wrong, and you know it even if it is subconscious.

Come here and talk it out. Also remember and tell yourself. Sometimes it is the kindest thing one can do is to not tell someone something you know would hurt them.

 

[NeCkDeEp]

I'm literally going through that now, promised my friends that I'd make an appointment for my mental health and would call the hotline to increase my chance of getting help.
What they don't know is: I'm too tired to seek help, haven't got a will to continue my life anymore and am just suffering while I wait for SN.

I haven't got the heart to tell them that I can't imagine getting out of this darkness, I will just pretend from now on that I'm okay to have them less worried for as long as it takes I guess

 

[6ixxy]

It's no different than keeping any other secret. For instance, it is like cheating on your partner. You smile and act as everything is ok.

You have ethics and morals which causes these feelings. Lying to people is wrong, and you know it even if it is subconscious.

Come here and talk it out. Also remember and tell yourself. Sometimes it is the kindest thing one can do is to not tell someone something you know would hurt them.

I know, that's why it's so difficult, even more so when you have a clean conscious
It builds up and just manifests inside my head , which is why I feel the need to vent it out. But in the same breathe you're right with the kindest thing to do, it's not like I could just go around telling my loved ones that 'hey by the way I'm not gonna be here in the next month so don't plan anything with me'
Just a real big conflict of right and wrong at the moment sadly

I'm literally going through that now, promised my friends that I'd make an appointment for my mental health and would call the hotline to increase my chance of getting help.
What they don't know is: I'm too tired to seek help, haven't got a will to continue my life anymore and am just suffering while I wait for SN.

I haven't got the heart to tell them that I can't imagine getting out of this darkness, I will just pretend from now on that I'm okay to have them less worried for as long as it takes I guess

I can relate all to well with that on every level, it still doesn't make me want to reconsider, just pretty sad to be honest holding all of these lies in when me as a person am genuinely transparent and open with things like that

 

[Manja]

Fuck I'm so jealous...I'd give everything for my mum to be here and ask me what I want for Christmas...I hate you

 

[Jean4]

I'm literally going through that now, promised my friends that I'd make an appointment for my mental health and would call the hotline to increase my chance of getting help.
What they don't know is: I'm too tired to seek help, haven't got a will to continue my life anymore and am just suffering while I wait for SN.

I haven't got the heart to tell them that I can't imagine getting out of this darkness, I will just pretend from now on that I'm okay to have them less worried for as long as it takes I guess

I understand and count yourself blessed to have friends who care. They mean well.

Come here and talk about your feelings. We understand and are here for you.

 

[NeCkDeEp]

I can relate all to well with that on every level, it still doesn't make me want to reconsider, just pretty sad to be honest holding all of these lies in when me as a person am genuinely transparent and open with things like that

Yeah I get you, there doesn't seem a way to make the pain less painful for your loved ones: it will hurt them if you'd be honest about how you feel to them and your death will hurt them, it's hard.

I understand and count yourself blessed to have friends who care. They mean well.

Come here and talk about your feelings. We understand and are here for you.

I truly am blessed with them, you're right thank you.
I know that they are doing their best to make my life bearable and to get me back in a good place however it's just me who wants to give up.
The days and especially the nights are so hard to get through I can't imagine doing this for many more weeks, I really hope that my friends won't be too angry or blame themselves when I ctb.
Thank you I really appreciate this, I hope you're okay.

 

[jgm63]

Does anyone have any 'stories' of giving people false promises and hope for the future, when in reality you know you aren't going to be around for it? If so how the FUCK do you deal with it? Feeling a mass amount of guilt & disappointment within myself for essentially lying to people & I hadn't really expected this emotion to crop up and it's kinda blindsided me.
Any sort of advice & help would be greatly appreciated as it's starting to eat me up inside

Having to lie is more or less unavoidable, unless the people you are talking to are spiritually evolved, and can understand that someone should be able to CTB if they wish, however that would be quite a rare thing.

 

[Jean4]

Fuck I'm so jealous...I'd give everything for my mum to be here and ask me what I want for Christmas...I hate you

No hate or jealousy. Feel blessed you had a mum that you loved and who loved you. Many were not as lucky. I am glad you have those memories. Hold them tight.
In honor of your mum, this Christmas do something that you used to do together. Whether it was bake cookies or open presents at a certain time (I was never lucky enough to celebrate Christmas so I don't know what one does).
If you get depressed during the holidays, come here. We will be here.

Yeah I get you, there doesn't seem a way to make the pain less painful for your loved ones: it will hurt them if you'd be honest about how you feel to them and your death will hurt them, it's hard.

I truly am blessed with them, you're right thank you.
I know that they are doing their best to make my life bearable and to get me back in a good place however it's just me who wants to give up.
The days and especially the nights are so hard to get through I can't imagine doing this for many more weeks, I really hope that my friends won't be too angry or blame themselves when I ctb.
Thank you I really appreciate this, I hope you're okay.

Come here and talk and vent. We understand.

 

[Manja]

No hate or jealousy. Feel blessed you had a mum that you loved and who loved you. Many were not as lucky. I am glad you have those memories. Hold them tight.
In honor of your mum, this Christmas do something that you used to do together. Whether it was bake cookies or open presents at a certain time (I was never lucky enough to celebrate Christmas so I don't know what one does).
If you get depressed during the holidays, come here. We will be here.

Come here and talk and vent. We understand.

Sorry but I hate everyone today...don't make me cry...I plan to ctb before christmas but thank you anyway...
I think it's better to have nothing that to have something and then lose it

 

[6ixxy]

I understand and count yourself blessed to have friends who care. They mean well.

Come here and talk about your feelings. We understand and are here for you.

That's the thing, I don't really have friends who understand OR care, they're just kinda there to make plans with occasionally.. for the most part I'm quite introverted and enjoy my own company so I don't mind it, but as it stands right now they're only there to make plans for food or getting drunk/high that's it, kinda sad isn't it

Having to lie is more or less unavoidable, unless the people you are talking to are spiritually evolved, and can understand that someone should be able to CTB if they wish, however that would be quite a rare thing.

That's the dream ey, which is why I rely and love this place so much, it's such a level playing field and everyone seems to understand in some way or another
Ah fuck, I'm partially putting this god awful mood & feelings down to a comedown, pray for me while I work through my 12 hour shift

 

[oopswronglife]

In my experience people don't deliver anyway so I'm not bothered by not being here for it. The act of making the promise is what they needed...to feel good about themselves. Following through either doesn't happen at all...or reluctantly with them acting like its a burden.

 

[6ixxy]

In my experience people don't deliver anyway so I'm not bothered by not being here for it. The act of making the promise is what they needed...to feel good about themselves. Following through either doesn't happen at all...or reluctantly with them acting like its a burden.

Personally think it's down to the person in question, I myself like to follow through with my plans as I don't like disappointing or letting anyone down (ironic right?)
Also if it's anyone worth while it won't/shouldn't be a burden to either you or them.