BodyOfDaffodil
Member
- Jun 14, 2023
- 31
TW: SA, DRUGS, ALCOHOL, DEATH
It's me again, how unsurprising. I've yapped about my story countless times on this website that I'm sure a few of you already know who I am and how I got to be how I am. Nonetheless I'm sharing another story that just happened to me as recently as two days ago.
I had a sick grandpa who was my everything. He suffered from cancer, and when they found out it was indeed cancer that he was suffering with; it was already terminal. Stage four cancer that they couldn't treat due to my grandpa's old age. I was devastated and utterly hopeless when I learned of this disease and stayed by his side for as long as I could. I even dropped out of school to take care of him full time for almost two months on and off. Last friday is when we buried him, and the previous friday is the last day I spoke to him. I was stone sober for the first time in awhile, and I was sharing my feelings with him. He told me that it was time I take care of myself and move forward with my life instead of dwelling on the past. To which, I agreed. and still do agree with.
He passed that following sunday and we had his service for three days until we laid him to rest on friday. I don't think I'll ever be the same. Last wednesday I ended up hanging out with 'R', my rapey stepbrother that caused me a whole world of pain. (read previous posts for messy context) Nonetheless, he was there against his will as was I (our parents are engaged and we ended up staying at the same place together without being told since our parents suck and never communicate change of plans.) and he apologized for what he did to me and' acknowledged' that he was wrong (most definitely did not, gaslighting mf, anyways) and that he should have never done those things to me. He wanted to make it up to me, and called over his current girlfriend. At first I was confused until he told me that she had brought 'snow' to our house and insisted on sharing it with me.
Mind you I had been sober for a few weeks prior and was relatively doing well having been off the stuff. But when I seen that shimmering powder all my restraint just fell in an instant. I did line after line until it was 5-6am in the morning. I went to bed feeling sick and woke up just as sick. However I managed to fix myself with about a half gram that I had stolen from them when they left me unattended in the car. So I ended up going to my grandpa's funeral service high as a kite on the last day of his service, and the day we buried him. No one knows I am addicted to coc@ine. They only know that I am addicted to xannies and have dabbled in snow before. I know when I run out of snow that I am going to feel like the worst human being in the world for committing such a disgusting sin against the purity and sanctity of a funeral, and there's no justification for it. I cannot even begin to defend myself.
My grandpa was a massive stone in my life that kept me grounded and in control of myself. I loved him to death, and beyond that even. There was many times in our adventures together that I actively considered him my father. Now that is he six feet under, I am left with an empty feeling. I haven't cried since tuesday, and I am numb to everything. Me and Vodka recently became bestfriends too, with weed. I am still moving forward but I think I deserve time to grieve. But I don't know. This is a ramble if anything, but to anyone reading I appreciate you taking the time out of your day to care about a stupid girl like me.
Sincerely, Daffodil.
It's me again, how unsurprising. I've yapped about my story countless times on this website that I'm sure a few of you already know who I am and how I got to be how I am. Nonetheless I'm sharing another story that just happened to me as recently as two days ago.
I had a sick grandpa who was my everything. He suffered from cancer, and when they found out it was indeed cancer that he was suffering with; it was already terminal. Stage four cancer that they couldn't treat due to my grandpa's old age. I was devastated and utterly hopeless when I learned of this disease and stayed by his side for as long as I could. I even dropped out of school to take care of him full time for almost two months on and off. Last friday is when we buried him, and the previous friday is the last day I spoke to him. I was stone sober for the first time in awhile, and I was sharing my feelings with him. He told me that it was time I take care of myself and move forward with my life instead of dwelling on the past. To which, I agreed. and still do agree with.
He passed that following sunday and we had his service for three days until we laid him to rest on friday. I don't think I'll ever be the same. Last wednesday I ended up hanging out with 'R', my rapey stepbrother that caused me a whole world of pain. (read previous posts for messy context) Nonetheless, he was there against his will as was I (our parents are engaged and we ended up staying at the same place together without being told since our parents suck and never communicate change of plans.) and he apologized for what he did to me and' acknowledged' that he was wrong (most definitely did not, gaslighting mf, anyways) and that he should have never done those things to me. He wanted to make it up to me, and called over his current girlfriend. At first I was confused until he told me that she had brought 'snow' to our house and insisted on sharing it with me.
Mind you I had been sober for a few weeks prior and was relatively doing well having been off the stuff. But when I seen that shimmering powder all my restraint just fell in an instant. I did line after line until it was 5-6am in the morning. I went to bed feeling sick and woke up just as sick. However I managed to fix myself with about a half gram that I had stolen from them when they left me unattended in the car. So I ended up going to my grandpa's funeral service high as a kite on the last day of his service, and the day we buried him. No one knows I am addicted to coc@ine. They only know that I am addicted to xannies and have dabbled in snow before. I know when I run out of snow that I am going to feel like the worst human being in the world for committing such a disgusting sin against the purity and sanctity of a funeral, and there's no justification for it. I cannot even begin to defend myself.
My grandpa was a massive stone in my life that kept me grounded and in control of myself. I loved him to death, and beyond that even. There was many times in our adventures together that I actively considered him my father. Now that is he six feet under, I am left with an empty feeling. I haven't cried since tuesday, and I am numb to everything. Me and Vodka recently became bestfriends too, with weed. I am still moving forward but I think I deserve time to grieve. But I don't know. This is a ramble if anything, but to anyone reading I appreciate you taking the time out of your day to care about a stupid girl like me.
Sincerely, Daffodil.
