Help Fake happy

[burglarlydante]

How can I "fake happy" to get some autonomy to finally kill myself?
I'm constantly checked cuz of my suicidal schedule, I want to know how can I fake a recovery and get some autonomy and get peace cuz it's been unbearable to live in this condition of mine, like I'm always depressed and suicidal, OCD magical thinking kills me everyday
My therapist and psychiatrist are so fucking selfish and pro life that's killing me! I really cannot take living one day anymore
So please, If someone who's in this situation, help me to finally achieve my peace

 

[Werewolf.]

I have OCD as well! I have been suffering from it since I was 14. I'm almost 28, so that's half of my life dealing with OCD. It was so severe in my case that the doctor URGED me to get help from a therapist. I never listened, because I'm as stubborn as they come. I am exactly what you are seeking to have. Although it comes with such ease, it's actually mentally draining. It's odd. I have this weird thing where I always smile when someone's talking to me. If you're having a face-to-face conversation with me, I WILL smile. I WILL laugh. I WILL make jokes. I have been called "the happiest person" they knew, simply because of this. I have been trying my best to get rid of this but I can't. I have tried many times, but I always burst out with a smile or a laughter. I am completely hopeless. Even if I'm upset at someone, if they try to talk to me, I will crack a smile without wanting to. Of course, when I'm at a funeral, I can keep a straight face. So try that? Just fake that smile. :)

I have OCD as well! I have been suffering from it since I was 14. I'm almost 28, so that's half of my life dealing with OCD. It was so severe in my case that the doctor URGED me to get help from a therapist. I never listened, because I'm as stubborn as they come. I am exactly what you are seeking to have. Although it comes with such ease, it's actually mentally draining. It's odd. I have this weird thing where I always smile when someone's talking to me. If you're having a face-to-face conversation with me, I WILL smile. I WILL laugh. I WILL make jokes. I have been called "the happiest person" they knew, simply because of this. I have been trying my best to get rid of this but I can't. I have tried many times, but I always burst out with a smile or a laughter. I am completely hopeless. Even if I'm upset at someone, if they try to talk to me, I will crack a smile without wanting to. Of course, when I'm at a funeral, I can keep a straight face. So try that? Just fake that smile. :)

I have to clarify that it's draining because it makes you feel lonely. No one knows the real you. The sad you. The "I cry silently at night in my room so no one can tell I'm sad" you. After doing this for nearly a decade, it takes a toll on you. I guarantee it.

 

[Helkaahaien]

You have to learn to play the game sadly. I'm very similar to @Werewolf and you, just currently 36yrs old >.< When I was institutionalized in my teens I learned how to play their game, say what they want to hear, and do what they want to see. In life people view me as a happy person, I just fake it to be left alone. You push that smile, say the standard lines, and move on. It is VERY draining which is probably why I try to avoid everything outside of forced encounters. I'm dead inside though from the outside I'm put together. It's all an act. But the positive is you do get more freedom, you get to move forward with your choices since others will start to 'trust' you more. I still battle with myself, I honestly never thought I'd linger around this long, but you do kind of get used to it. It's like you're an empty doll, just doing what society expects to see of you.

 

[Sweet Tart]

Faking happy takes a lot of energy. I can only do it for brief periods, if it is absolutely necessary. Maybe you only need to fake having a smidgen of hope, in order to get some autonomy? Like, being on the path to wellness rather than already well.