I know what you mean. I've had rope in my closet since January of last year but I can't do anything with it. I don't know why, maybe it's the fear of pain or hope that things will get better. Either way, I've procrastinated my own suicide for a whole year. Anyways, I hope you can find peace with whatever choice you make. (Also off topic, but I like your pfp. Hollow knight seems cool, although I've never played it so I don't really know lol)