gourry
student
- Jan 11, 2026
- 5
i cant even kill myself right i dont even want to move today
i act too impulsively. when i was picked up, the paramedics stole my SN and some of my weapon collection (i have a large collection of knifes/blades and different weapons just for fun i guess?).
i was not fully conscious i dont remember much, i mostly remember the ambulance ride. i dont think they had any clue what SN was based on the way they spoke. i kept feeling like i had to throw up but like the vomit was stuck just above my stomach (idk how else to describe it sorry) and my left leg kept shaking like crazy intermittently. i think i passed out a few times.
at the hospital i was put into the trauma ward and there was like 12 nurses, and people coming in and our of the room constantly. they were talking anout methylene blue but idk if i was given any. they pumped me with a lot of magnesium and i think i pissed myself, but i kept falling asleep and waking up so its hard to remember. they kept calling it citrate or nitrate.
they woke me up and put an 18g IVC in my arm, and told me they were giving me adenosine. im sure they warned me of what was going to happen but it was so hard to pay attention to anything or stay awake. i felt my heart stop beating, and my chest hurt so bad and my body went into a panic and i tried to sit up and rip out the IV but they held me down. i dont remember anything after that so that must have been when i passed out, when i woke up i was in a regular room with a curtain and they had a security guard monitoring me 1on1.
i had a ton of people talking about me through the hospital, and at the end of it all they just sent me home. they told me to watch what i do online and not to let "sick people tell me to do this to myself". i think they googled SN and read some articles or something.
in the ambulance i thought i was going to die and i kept thinking "fuck i need to start a livestream now". i dont know whats wrong with me i wish firearms were easily available in my area.
i act too impulsively. when i was picked up, the paramedics stole my SN and some of my weapon collection (i have a large collection of knifes/blades and different weapons just for fun i guess?).
i was not fully conscious i dont remember much, i mostly remember the ambulance ride. i dont think they had any clue what SN was based on the way they spoke. i kept feeling like i had to throw up but like the vomit was stuck just above my stomach (idk how else to describe it sorry) and my left leg kept shaking like crazy intermittently. i think i passed out a few times.
at the hospital i was put into the trauma ward and there was like 12 nurses, and people coming in and our of the room constantly. they were talking anout methylene blue but idk if i was given any. they pumped me with a lot of magnesium and i think i pissed myself, but i kept falling asleep and waking up so its hard to remember. they kept calling it citrate or nitrate.
they woke me up and put an 18g IVC in my arm, and told me they were giving me adenosine. im sure they warned me of what was going to happen but it was so hard to pay attention to anything or stay awake. i felt my heart stop beating, and my chest hurt so bad and my body went into a panic and i tried to sit up and rip out the IV but they held me down. i dont remember anything after that so that must have been when i passed out, when i woke up i was in a regular room with a curtain and they had a security guard monitoring me 1on1.
i had a ton of people talking about me through the hospital, and at the end of it all they just sent me home. they told me to watch what i do online and not to let "sick people tell me to do this to myself". i think they googled SN and read some articles or something.
in the ambulance i thought i was going to die and i kept thinking "fuck i need to start a livestream now". i dont know whats wrong with me i wish firearms were easily available in my area.
