Altvtysp
Member
- Nov 5, 2022
- 96
I'm not sure what this method is called exactly (night night?) but I tried using a ratchet strap like the kind used for cargo to strangle myself with. I cut the strap to 2ish feet and I looped it through the ratchet a couple of different ways. I made the ratchet go tight as I could make it and expected to pass out within 30-60 seconds. I tried doing this multiple times wearing it for up to 10 minutes and I would still be conscious with a throbbing head. I was trying various setups like using socks and washcloths to press against my arteries. I even tried with 2 small medicine bottles. Most of the attempts went about 3-4 minutes before SI would kick in and I would release the mechanism. I really damaged my eyes they are almost solid red. My neck is very sore I tried placing the strap in different positions to see if it would cause me to blackout always ratcheting it until it wouldn't click anymore.
After hours of doing this I was under pressure because my family was going to be home shortly. I assumed that a family member would see my eyes and the marks on my neck and would call the cops and I'd be taken to a psych ward. I left in my vehicle and was trying to convince myself to drive it into a tree or off the side of the road where I know a cliff is or over to a freeway overpass. I drove around and I talked to family who agreed that they wouldn't send me to the psych ward so I returned back. I was in a really pressed situation and should have done something with my car or stop the car and jumped at a bridge. I really thought the ratchet strap was going to be a great method but I think when it gets really tight you can't move it enough to engage the next ratchet slot so maybe it wasn't enough pressure or the strap is too wide.
Suicidal ideation is a way for me to feel some relief about the extremely bad situation I'm facing but discovered that while I don't want to live I'm also afraid of a painful death. There is no quick and painless way to do it that isn't terrifying like jumping off a bridge. At least now I have some perspective that it's difficult to successfully execute a plan. I don't know what I'm going to do. I will probably continue to research methods but don't think there is anything that doesn't result in an agonizing death. I would take whatever is claimed about a method with a grain of salt. What I tried was supposed to knock me out quickly but it didn't do anything like that at all. I think any of the other methods like tourniquet or hanging would probably have similar results. Complete hanging is probably most effective because you will slowly strangle to death and cannot stop it. What I tried yesterday didn't work because I had the ability to release the straps. I imagine if I was able to keep the straps in place for half an hour or more then maybe it would have worked but it would have been a very painful death that was not quick at all.
I can't use ideation for relief now because I don't think I'll do it again or that it will be successful. The failed attempt has made things even worse as it's going to take a while before my eyes look somewhat normal. I don't know what to do now but I'm gonna spend more time on the recovery side of this website. I don't think I'll ever not be suicidal but now have to live with it because I'm stuck living.
After hours of doing this I was under pressure because my family was going to be home shortly. I assumed that a family member would see my eyes and the marks on my neck and would call the cops and I'd be taken to a psych ward. I left in my vehicle and was trying to convince myself to drive it into a tree or off the side of the road where I know a cliff is or over to a freeway overpass. I drove around and I talked to family who agreed that they wouldn't send me to the psych ward so I returned back. I was in a really pressed situation and should have done something with my car or stop the car and jumped at a bridge. I really thought the ratchet strap was going to be a great method but I think when it gets really tight you can't move it enough to engage the next ratchet slot so maybe it wasn't enough pressure or the strap is too wide.
Suicidal ideation is a way for me to feel some relief about the extremely bad situation I'm facing but discovered that while I don't want to live I'm also afraid of a painful death. There is no quick and painless way to do it that isn't terrifying like jumping off a bridge. At least now I have some perspective that it's difficult to successfully execute a plan. I don't know what I'm going to do. I will probably continue to research methods but don't think there is anything that doesn't result in an agonizing death. I would take whatever is claimed about a method with a grain of salt. What I tried was supposed to knock me out quickly but it didn't do anything like that at all. I think any of the other methods like tourniquet or hanging would probably have similar results. Complete hanging is probably most effective because you will slowly strangle to death and cannot stop it. What I tried yesterday didn't work because I had the ability to release the straps. I imagine if I was able to keep the straps in place for half an hour or more then maybe it would have worked but it would have been a very painful death that was not quick at all.
I can't use ideation for relief now because I don't think I'll do it again or that it will be successful. The failed attempt has made things even worse as it's going to take a while before my eyes look somewhat normal. I don't know what to do now but I'm gonna spend more time on the recovery side of this website. I don't think I'll ever not be suicidal but now have to live with it because I'm stuck living.
❤
