Failed attempt number 1 (jumping)

[Tiburcio]

Sorry to hear :(

Me too, I hope we can be stronger than our fears.

Peace.

 

[IDontWantToBreathe]

I find the term 'psychiatric hospital' much ore offensive. It implies it has anything to do with science and is a place of healing instead of the stigmatizing torturous hellholes they are. You bet your bottom dollar I will die before going there

That's what you think and you're entitled to your opinion. Until you've been in one you can't say for sure. Not everybody can be saved and science still has a long way to go, I won't even argue with that. But to call it tortoreous is a stretch. Maybe when they had to lobotomize people but today there are more effective treatments like CBT & DBT paired with medication. There are outpatient programs.. They don't just abduct people and experiment on them.

 

[killmepls]

That's what you think and you're entitled to your opinion. Until you've been in one you can't say for sure. Not everybody can be saved and science still has a long way to go, I won't even argue with that. But to call it tortoreous is a stretch. Maybe when they had to lobotomize people but today there are more effective treatments like CBT & DBT paired with medication. There are outpatient programs.. They don't just abduct people and experiment on them.

Modern psychiatry uses chemical lobotomies now AKA drugs
How do you know I haven't been in one?
'They don't just abduct people and experiment on them' that is literally what they do

 

[Morning Angel]

You don't need to apologize. Jumping is hard to go through with. Don't blame yourself. You're not a liar. And you certainly aren't the only one. Suicide attempts are around 5 times more common than completed suicides.

Agreed, I believe jumping and handgun are among the hardest methods and require intoxication or psychosis to complete. I suspect this, along with cost barriers, are the reasons so many here choose to hang.

 

[IDontWantToBreathe]

Modern psychiatry uses chemical lobotomies now AKA drugs
How do you know I haven't been in one?
'They don't just abduct people and experiment on them' that is literally what they do

Like I said, you're entitled to your opinion. If you have been in one and it was traumatizing for you then that's truly unfortunate. But don't spit on psychiatry. They do the best they can with what little resources they have.

 

[Morning Angel]

It's okay. I'm glad you came back to us to let us know. It's very hard to do, especially with a method as intimidating as jumping. It's your brain doing its thing to warn you of danger, to keep you from crossing that line (survival instinct). All of us have to contend with this instinct in some way, regardless of method. And of course there is nothing wrong with choosing to stay a bit longer either. Keep letting us know what's happening.

 

[Sidestep]

I'm sorry you had to go through this :(

I'm sorry that you're going through this as well. But you're strong. Take time for yourself and I hope you will feel better soon.

 

[Lady Euthanasia]

August 20th, it was eight in the morning, I woke up way earlier than the usual. Waiting for my mother to leave the apartment wasn't easy after the door had closed shut I started to shake and cry. Ten o'clock I searched for all the pills I had hidden during the previous months, after I put all of them in a glass with water to cut on the time it would take for me to swallow all the medication.
Half an hour before I cleaned the apartment and listened to my favorite musician as I though this was the last time I will hear her voice. I also wrote a letter but it didn't feel right so I burned it and wrote a new one, placing it on the table with the passwords from my emails and my phone I entered my room.
I scratched the idea of leaving my apartment and using the elevator to reach the highest floor in my building since agoraphobia decided to take extra control on me that day.
That's when I realised I couldn't jump and the pills weren't enough to kill me, the most I could get out of them if I trusted my research is seizures.
I stared at the glass while all the medaction was starting to dissolve in the water, I was sitting on my bed and watching the bubbles rise to the top of the water surface for three hours straight when finally I heard a phone call, it was my mother calling me for the dentist appointment and she said I had to get out of the building quickly as there was no parking and she didn't want to get a ticket. I suppose in my state I didn't care anymore about the anxiety so I closed the door behind me, pressed the button to call the elevator and after I reached her car I calmly said what I almost did, I started to shake and sob. I asked her to send me to a mental hospital but shortly after I changed my mind whilst my psychiatrist didn't so I had to argue with him and tell repeatedly that I won't attempt again (which of course is a lie). I went back home with my mother with newly prescribed medication and my mother had to promise she will keep me on suicide watch herself. At home I cried for five hours (the next day my eyes were quite puffy) and vomited from all the stress (sorry for the details on this one).

That's all, maybe this will help you somehow and you will be more mentally prepared for your own attempt. I think if I had acquired alcohol this might have gone more smoothly and maybe I would have succeeded. Have to add this is a really personal experience and I'm quite nervous sharing it.

 

[Sidestep]

August 20th, it was eight in the morning, I woke up way earlier than the usual. Waiting for my mother to leave the apartment wasn't easy after the door had closed shut I started to shake and cry. Ten o'clock I searched for all the pills I had hidden during the previous months, after I put all of them in a glass with water to cut on the time it would take for me to swallow all the medication.
[...]

I applaud your courage in retelling such an emotional event for you. I hope you have been doing well since then.

 

[Death_From_Above]

August 20th, it was eight in the morning, I woke up way earlier than the usual. Waiting for my mother to leave the apartment wasn't easy after the door had closed shut I started to shake and cry. Ten o'clock I searched for all the pills I had hidden during the previous months, after I put all of them in a glass with water to cut on the time it would take for me to swallow all the medication.
Half an hour before I cleaned the apartment and listened to my favorite musician as I though this was the last time I will hear her voice. I also wrote a letter but it didn't feel right so I burned it and wrote a new one, placing it on the table with the passwords from my emails and my phone I entered my room.
I scratched the idea of leaving my apartment and using the elevator to reach the highest floor in my building since agoraphobia decided to take extra control on me that day.
That's when I realised I couldn't jump and the pills weren't enough to kill me, the most I could get out of them if I trusted my research is seizures.
I stared at the glass while all the medaction was starting to dissolve in the water, I was sitting on my bed and watching the bubbles rise to the top of the water surface for three hours straight when finally I heard a phone call, it was my mother calling me for the dentist appointment and she said I had to get out of the building quickly as there was no parking and she didn't want to get a ticket. I suppose in my state I didn't care anymore about the anxiety so I closed the door behind me, pressed the button to call the elevator and after I reached her car I calmly said what I almost did, I started to shake and sob. I asked her to send me to a mental hospital but shortly after I changed my mind whilst my psychiatrist didn't so I had to argue with him and tell repeatedly that I won't attempt again (which of course is a lie). I went back home with my mother with newly prescribed medication and my mother had to promise she will keep me on suicide watch herself. At home I cried for five hours (the next day my eyes were quite puffy) and vomited from all the stress (sorry for the details on this one).

That's all, maybe this will help you somehow and you will be more mentally prepared for your own attempt. I think if I had acquired alcohol this might have gone more smoothly and maybe I would have succeeded. Have to add this is a really personal experience and I'm quite nervous sharing it.

Thanks for sharing. I'm sorry you had to go through this and I hope you find the strength to end it when the time comes ..

 

[Lady Euthanasia]

I applaud your courage in retelling such an emotional event for you. I hope you have been doing well since then.

Thank you ♥ and I hope you are doing okay yourself

 

[Lady Euthanasia]

Thanks for sharing. I'm sorry you had to go through this and I hope you find the strength to end it when the time comes ..

That is the main reason I am still here to be honest, having complete resolve to end your own life is apparently not so easy haha

 

[Death_From_Above]

That is the main reason I am still here to be honest, having complete resolve to end your own life is apparently not so easy haha

I fully understand if you read my threads you'll see I'm entirely in the same situation If I could have been an example of courage we wouldn't be having this conversation It is easy to convince yourself of your resolve until you're staring it in the face

 

[Lady Euthanasia]

I fully understand if you read my threads you'll see I'm entirely in the same situation If I could have been an example of courage we wouldn't be having this conversation It is easy to convince yourself of your resolve until you're staring it in the face

Exactly my thoughts, I was so calm about this situation for months and than the day came and I couldn't do it

 

[TAW122]

I'm sorry to hear about the failed attempt, and hopefully you will find more courage in the future as well as a better place to jump.

 

[Genx]

is 20 sleeping pills, each 1 g, enough to ctb.

 

[LookAway]

is 20 sleeping pills, each 1 g, enough to ctb.

Hey my friend I'm not sure if you know how to create a thread and I'm not really sure how to explain it if you go back to the front page there should be an option after you click "Suicide Discussion" to "Create Thread" at the top of the page maybe. I'm not sure if it lets you when you're a new user you may have to comment on different threads a few times before it lets you.

 

[Genx]

Hey my friend I'm not sure if you know how to create a thread and I'm not really sure how to explain it if you go back to the front page there should be an option after you click "Suicide Discussion" to "Create Thread" at the top of the page maybe. I'm not sure if it lets you when you're a new user you may have to comment on different threads a few times before it lets you.

ohhh I see thx. it said that it wasn't valid or sth like that- do I have to wait a while?