Failed attempt. Got laughed at by the NHS

[jojobanana]

I'm horrified and feel sick and frustrated. It's been about 5 weeks now since I made an attempt. I overdosed on SSRIs. Had seizures and door broken down by police. Paramedics arrived and immediately declared I was pretending. I was disoriented I believed they wanted to section me and was inconsolable. labelled as aggressive (i was lying in bed crying but they can label me as aggressive as long as im black). Was discharged from the hospital the following day. Doctor said my seizures (or "the shakes" as staff called it) was just a nervous breakdown. Continued to have seizures and went to A+E again just wanting answers. Nurses whispered about me and my mum and even when my mum pressed the emergency buzzer one of them came back smiling and jolly to tell me "they're psychological". I self discharged. Continued to have seizures until 3rd attendance to A+E when I was finally believed. Awaiting neurology review. but they've stopped now. More than likely they won't come back. But it's not stopped me from feeling like god I wish I had been more careful and patient to find a method that was reliable. Maybe that would give them something to laugh at right?

 

[mlb]

I'm sorry, that is absolutely horrific and derogatory. This happens way too many times and it's honestly criminal how people treat us when we're in our most vulnerable. I find it mad that we live in a world when doctors don't believe you - my GP just laughs at everything I tell her and especially after I made a severe attempt, seeing her this week to talk about getting euthanasia (because that's the official way of getting referred) wish me luck everyone lmao. Hope no severe damage after the seizure and that you get a proper diagnosis in time. Wonder if they'll keep laughing if they realize they're a part of the problem too.

 

[Yuri440]

Aye my GP is a pain with it too, and the crisis team are just frustrating. Only ones that have listened to me to some extent have been my community mental health team, but even then my first two CPNs didn't care, my third one I feel lucky to have. My GP often complains when I don't want a referral to somewhere an hour away because of the travel being too much, and their argument for complaining about it is that I managed to travel to the GP (which is 20 seconds away by car man) and the crisis team just called me stupid for how I was feeling. My second CPN told me to get rid of my only friend but also complained I don't have friends and I was so confused by it. I asked what to do and they just dodged the question.

It can be so frustrating man. Not too sure if it's the right thing to say, but killing yourself just to spite some bad healthcare workers ain't worth it, honestly. Do what you want for yourself, if you get what I mean. I've tried to do it a few times when frustrated at people like that and honestly it just led me to rushing and failing, and making me miserable thinking they were right. I dunno if I'm explaining it right, but do what's best for you, not some dick <3

 

[capi]

I hate this world.

 

[Jisatsu]

Pseudo aka psychological seizures feel exactly like seizures and even if they don't do damage like actually seizures they do fuck you up mentally. I'm sorry you're going through this

 

[Feux]

Im also a black girl, something like this happened to me last year and it was a terrifying experience to live through. I'm deeply sorry you've endured this too.

 

[metfan647]

The NHS is a disgrace and reflective of the ills of our politics and society. Sorry you went through this. This will pass. Take your time to heal and do loads of research around methods and take your time with things. Try to discover things you enjoy too so the option of life is still open.

 

[LittleBlackCat]

My GP sat there smirking at me when I told her I was suicidal and had a method ready. I felt so helpless. I hate this country!! I'm so sorry you went through this

 

[Goodgirlryeo101]

Its them I had to pity this man because he called me saying people were laughing at him for being on this show and he even asked the people form that show to delete it because he told me it was affecting his mental health.

Poor thing, so it's not only you.

I saw Twitter laughing at him too.

Humans are like that.

Take care OP.

 

[39hatsune]

I'm horrified and feel sick and frustrated. It's been about 5 weeks now since I made an attempt. I overdosed on SSRIs. Had seizures and door broken down by police. Paramedics arrived and immediately declared I was pretending. I was disoriented I believed they wanted to section me and was inconsolable. labelled as aggressive (i was lying in bed crying but they can label me as aggressive as long as im black). Was discharged from the hospital the following day. Doctor said my seizures (or "the shakes" as staff called it) was just a nervous breakdown. Continued to have seizures and went to A+E again just wanting answers. Nurses whispered about me and my mum and even when my mum pressed the emergency buzzer one of them came back smiling and jolly to tell me "they're psychological". I self discharged. Continued to have seizures until 3rd attendance to A+E when I was finally believed. Awaiting neurology review. but they've stopped now. More than likely they won't come back. But it's not stopped me from feeling like god I wish I had been more careful and patient to find a method that was reliable. Maybe that would give them something to laugh at right?

im so sorry about your experience! i had a similar experience, i know they have many patients but they really do make you feel like you're worth nothing
i hope you will feel better with time

 

[sendmeawayalien]

Im sorry you had that experience.. it sounds very similar to my week last week. I felt like more of a burden than ever. My movements were restricted and had I not argued my way out, I believe they would have detailed me for longer. Its got to the point where I dont even have to say anything, theyve already made judgements on me. Nothing has changed since my attempt, in fact I just feel like when I do try again, i just have to make sure. I hope you find peace

 

[jojobanana]

Im sorry you had that experience.. it sounds very similar to my week last week. I felt like more of a burden than ever. My movements were restricted and had I not argued my way out, I believe they would have detailed me for longer. Its got to the point where I dont even have to say anything, theyve already made judgements on me. Nothing has changed since my attempt, in fact I just feel like when I do try again, i just have to make sure. I hope you find peace

This is how i feel too. I have to make sure this time.

 

[BlueLock]

I'm so sorry, medical racism is so evil.

 

[jojobanana]

Im sorry you had that experience.. it sounds very similar to my week last week. I felt like more of a burden than ever. My movements were restricted and had I not argued my way out, I believe they would have detailed me for longer. Its got to the point where I dont even have to say anything, theyve already made judgements on me. Nothing has changed since my attempt, in fact I just feel like when I do try again, i just have to make sure. I hope you find peace

This is how i feel too. I have to make sure this time

I'm sorry, that is absolutely horrific and derogatory. This happens way too many times and it's honestly criminal how people treat us when we're in our most vulnerable. I find it mad that we live in a world when doctors don't believe you - my GP just laughs at everything I tell her and especially after I made a severe attempt, seeing her this week to talk about getting euthanasia (because that's the official way of getting referred) wish me luck everyone lmao. Hope no severe damage after the seizure and that you get a proper diagnosis in time. Wonder if they'll keep laughing if they realize they're a part of the problem too.

Are you in the UK? Can they refer or at least vouch for you if you want euthanasia? I've looked into pegasos

 

[mlb]

Are you in the UK? Can they refer or at least vouch for you if you want euthanasia? I've looked into pegasos

I'm in the Netherlands so I don't know what the system is like for the UK unfortunately:(
I have applied for euthanasia and as of right now it's done processing, they need more information. No timeline yet. I had to apply manually on the agency's website and fill in all the information. I thought it'd be through psychiatrist/psychologist team or GP but my team said it doesn't know how and GP said we need to do it ourselves. They require you to be under psychiatric care for a year here and try all the treatment, and while I'm neither, I still applied to see what they say. It's a long process and it does go through multiple independent therapists and a council here, so i assume that you can get a vouch and referral but the euthanasia team need to investigate further.

How are you doing now by the way? What would you rate the pain?

 

[dalemar]

Sorry to hear that. I hope you are better now.
How were you discovered by the police? Did you call for help?

 

[BrainSplatter]

I'm really sorry for your experience and how you weren't believed or treated with better care. I also went through similar years ago when I overdosed on paracetamol, I had sudden involuntary movements where my arms twisted back and my neck pulled. It looked like a seizure but I was conscious and so it wasn't epilepsy. Doctors said it was likely a toxic or metabolic reaction to the overdose, like acute dystonia or abnormal posturing. After it stopped a nurse said something like "there are really sick people here" I've never felt so ashamed – I hate that feeling after a failed attempt it's awful. I really hope the neurology review gives you some answers. I'll never attempt again it was long before I found SaSu. SN is the way to go

 

[BGman89]

Evil people

 

[jojobanana]

I'm in the Netherlands so I don't know what the system is like for the UK unfortunately:(
I have applied for euthanasia and as of right now it's done processing, they need more information. No timeline yet. I had to apply manually on the agency's website and fill in all the information. I thought it'd be through psychiatrist/psychologist team or GP but my team said it doesn't know how and GP said we need to do it ourselves. They require you to be under psychiatric care for a year here and try all the treatment, and while I'm neither, I still applied to see what they say. It's a long process and it does go through multiple independent therapists and a council here, so i assume that you can get a vouch and referral but the euthanasia team need to investigate further.

How are you doing now by the way? What would you rate the pain?

It's interesting because I felt nothing before I took the overdose. Absolutely nothing. I was numb. Planned it weeks beforehand and kept a stockpile of medications(sertraline propranolol promethazine and a few shots of rum to pass it down). Felt nothing after the incident except mildly annoyed and embarrassed. 5 weeks onwards, it's unbearable. I wish it worked. I was told enough of the propranolol would have done it for me. Shit I should have stocked more.

 

[Ghandi]

I Back the NHS for the most part. Backbone of our awful country, we were all born into it. Unfortunately it's just heavily underfunded and so the service just declines.

 

[jojobanana]

Sorry to hear that. I hope you are better now.
How were you discovered by the police? Did you call for help?

All my notes suggest I self rescued. I sent a message to my mum apologising and I said I couldn't do it anymore. I felt like I owed her an explanation and I couldn't bear leaving her without anything so that's why I messaged her. I wrote messages for friends and family and kept them hidden. The self rescued suggestion is interesting to me because my family don't live in the same country as me I didn't think they would even have time to rescue me even if they wanted to and things have been difficult with my family so I didn't even expect them to try. They rang an insane amount of people to finally contact the police. They came and broke down my door.

 

[nendn]

I have looked into thelastresort .ch

This is how i feel too. I have to make sure this time

Are you in the UK? Can they refer or at least vouch for you if you want euthanasia? I've looked into pegasos

 

[nendn]

I'm in the Netherlands so I don't know what the system is like for the UK unfortunately:(
I have applied for euthanasia and as of right now it's done processing, they need more information. No timeline yet. I had to apply manually on the agency's website and fill in all the information. I thought it'd be through psychiatrist/psychologist team or GP but my team said it doesn't know how and GP said we need to do it ourselves. They require you to be under psychiatric care for a year here and try all the treatment, and while I'm neither, I still applied to see what they say. It's a long process and it does go through multiple independent therapists and a council here, so i assume that you can get a vouch and referral but the euthanasia team need to investigate further.

How are you doing now by the way? What would you rate the pain?

yet i think of the liverpool care pathway for the dying patient and how i get to know about it through media. from the Wikipedia: Hospitals were also provided cash incentives to achieve targets for the number of patients placed on the LCP. I listen now to Killing Joke - The Great Cull

Jawohl , Herr Generalarzt!
I am sorry for being around.

 

[RunDown]

Sry you went through that. I've had problems with doctors my whole chronically ill life. I couldn't imagine being black and having to deal with these dumb old white ego driven doctors and nurses. Healthcare is a joke in the US.

 

[jojobanana]

oh update: gone through the complaints process. so much of my symptoms were left out of reports. and i couldn't believe the wording the hospital used in their response (+in the notes) "voluntary failure" to disclose information (about what i took) whilst noting drowsiness and difficulty to obtain history or "avoiding questions". love all of this. they didn't uphold my complaint and neither did the ambulance trust. but they also admit they're uncertain about my symptoms and didn't do any capacity assessments or safeguarding. then i posted about it on reddit yesterday asking doctors about my symptoms. told the full history. got absolutely swarmed with doctors and others saying i'm lying and i was verbally aggressive to the paramedics so they shouldn't have had to deal with any of it. i love this. just make suicide legal? genuinely. just make suicide legal. you wouldn't have people like me wasting your time. anyways i'm looking for more reliable methods now.

 

[vyvanceandvodka]

I'm so sorry you went through this. Everybody who treated you poorly needs to be reprimanded. How deplorable. I hope you're able to somehow get justice and peace. ):

 

[jojobanana]

the worst part about all of this was the things that were happening. it hurts a lot that no one believes me. i was hallucinating, falling asleep waking up again and asking for the time constantly. i kept asking about my fingers. and after a seizure i woke up drooling and screamed because my hand was in the craziest position. it looked broken. i woke up with an oxygen mask on my face from one seizure. it's not documented at all. i had insane diarrhoea and nausea but never threw up. i barely remember most of the first night but remember some parts where i would wake up from a seizure and heard one of the doctors saying "yeah that's definitely not tonic clonic". i know i responded and he laughed but have no clue what i said. i had no clue what i was saying most of the time. there were times people would be talking to me and it did not make any sense. i suppose thats where they noted that i was difficult to get history from or avoiding questions. it's so insane. the craziest experience. and it's all in my head lol. and even though im mostly functioning i study (nhs related) work got my own place two cats im now just insane person that had a crazy breakdown and pretended to have seizures. i dont even think they believe i took an overdose or that if i did it must have been the antihistamines next to my bed (those are what the ambulance crew took pics of)

I'm so sorry you went through this. Everybody who treated you poorly needs to be reprimanded. How deplorable. I hope you're able to somehow get justice and peace. ):

i don't think it will happen. i think i don't have a realistic chance because i survived anyway. no serious injuries. i was never alone so never banged my head too hard lol im really bitter about that tbh

 

[prompt_critical]

My experience with the NHS is weird I've done all sorts of insane shit including them having me in ICU for weeks for overdose and never got sectioned. I remember someone here saying you only get sectioned for psychosis. Im black too though so maybe they just dgaf about us generally, I mean I wouldn't. My dad's black and has been sectioned for delusional disorder before, it's all a bit messy depending on your NHS trust I think.

I think with SSRIs if you don't get serotonin syndrome (which you would definitely know about and seizures would be the least of your worries) nothing long term happens and they're designed like that because of their indication. They know this and probably see the sub-critical ones a lot.

They should definitely have taken the attempt more seriously which bothers me because for all they know, you truly thought it would kill you. If you overdose on vitamin C with the intent to die, the attempt is the main thing.

 

[Blackthorne]

Mocking people who are in pain is evil. I wouldn't want their karma. Regardless of the medical specifics how they treated you is highly inappropriate and unprofessional. The whole point of healthcare is to help people, not make them worse.

Try to remember how other people view you is mostly a reflection of their own prejudices and preconceptions. Don't let it define you.

 

[jojobanana]

My experience with the NHS is weird I've done all sorts of insane shit including them having me in ICU for weeks for overdose and never got sectioned. I remember someone here saying you only get sectioned for psychosis. Im black too though so maybe they just dgaf about us generally, I mean I wouldn't. My dad's black and has been sectioned for delusional disorder before, it's all a bit messy depending on your NHS trust I think.

I think with SSRIs if you don't get serotonin syndrome (which you would definitely know about and seizures would be the least of your worries) nothing long term happens and they're designed like that because of their indication. They know this and probably see the sub-critical ones a lot.

They should definitely have taken the attempt more seriously which bothers me because for all they know, you truly thought it would kill you. If you overdose on vitamin C with the intent to die, the attempt is the main thing.

Yes true. I can't explain how much all of this has made my mental health worse. I feel completely hopeless. my chest is constantly sore. i've lost my appetite and losing weight (yay at least). it was so terrifying i would never want to end up in an emergency room again. i don't want to go to hospital for anything if i can help it. i've been looking into an ADRT but will have to make one that doesn't make them decide i don't have capacity all of a sudden. my life was better when no one knew about how i felt truly. now my medical records make me look like someone who has no credibility. i'll never be taken seriously again about anything. i hope a disease takes me. i'm hoping something gives me the blessing of peace. i intend to lie low now after all of this. complete uni do what i have to do to get by day by day. then when the opportunity comes i hope i would have found my method. i love my family and friends. i'm forever grateful for them. but this time i don't intend to give anyone any indication of my intentions. this was all so difficult to bear.