Failed attempt. Got laughed at by the NHS

[jojobanana]

I'm horrified and feel sick and frustrated. It's been about 5 weeks now since I made an attempt. I overdosed on SSRIs. Had seizures and door broken down by police. Paramedics arrived and immediately declared I was pretending. I was disoriented I believed they wanted to section me and was inconsolable. labelled as aggressive (i was lying in bed crying but they can label me as aggressive as long as im black). Was discharged from the hospital the following day. Doctor said my seizures (or "the shakes" as staff called it) was just a nervous breakdown. Continued to have seizures and went to A+E again just wanting answers. Nurses whispered about me and my mum and even when my mum pressed the emergency buzzer one of them came back smiling and jolly to tell me "they're psychological". I self discharged. Continued to have seizures until 3rd attendance to A+E when I was finally believed. Awaiting neurology review. but they've stopped now. More than likely they won't come back. But it's not stopped me from feeling like god I wish I had been more careful and patient to find a method that was reliable. Maybe that would give them something to laugh at right?

 

[moonlightbeach]

I'm sorry, that is absolutely horrific and derogatory. This happens way too many times and it's honestly criminal how people treat us when we're in our most vulnerable. I find it mad that we live in a world when doctors don't believe you - my GP just laughs at everything I tell her and especially after I made a severe attempt, seeing her this week to talk about getting euthanasia (because that's the official way of getting referred) wish me luck everyone lmao. Hope no severe damage after the seizure and that you get a proper diagnosis in time. Wonder if they'll keep laughing if they realize they're a part of the problem too.

 

[Yuri440]

Aye my GP is a pain with it too, and the crisis team are just frustrating. Only ones that have listened to me to some extent have been my community mental health team, but even then my first two CPNs didn't care, my third one I feel lucky to have. My GP often complains when I don't want a referral to somewhere an hour away because of the travel being too much, and their argument for complaining about it is that I managed to travel to the GP (which is 20 seconds away by car man) and the crisis team just called me stupid for how I was feeling. My second CPN told me to get rid of my only friend but also complained I don't have friends and I was so confused by it. I asked what to do and they just dodged the question.

It can be so frustrating man. Not too sure if it's the right thing to say, but killing yourself just to spite some bad healthcare workers ain't worth it, honestly. Do what you want for yourself, if you get what I mean. I've tried to do it a few times when frustrated at people like that and honestly it just led me to rushing and failing, and making me miserable thinking they were right. I dunno if I'm explaining it right, but do what's best for you, not some dick <3

 

[jatty]

I hate this world.

 

[Blueberry Panic]

Pseudo aka psychological seizures feel exactly like seizures and even if they don't do damage like actually seizures they do fuck you up mentally. I'm sorry you're going through this

 

[Feux]

Im also a black girl, something like this happened to me last year and it was a terrifying experience to live through. I'm deeply sorry you've endured this too.