Failed attempt at partial, and it’s been worse ever since.

[huffyhenry]

About a month ago I posted about my intention to ctb using partial suspension. The attempt failed due to the support breaking (a tree branch) and I woke up with an inconceivably sore neck/throat on my way to a mental ward.

The klonopins and whiskey numbed the pain completely but I made the mistake of telling a friend where I was and what I was doing at the last minute, as I was in a remote game lands and didn't want my body to be lost for weeks or months with people wondering if I was dead or not.

Since then, I have ran entirely out of money and have been evicted from my apartment with nowhere to go. I have a noose with me and plan to ctb ASAP.

I attempted this morning but was reminded of the horror of surviving my last attempt and backed out until I can think of a foolproof way to support my weight (I am 6 foot, 200 pounds), and remove all chances of being found until I am gone.

Any advice would be appreciated greatly.

 

[MeltingHeart]

I have been drinking and taking klonopins too when i have gone to attempt & now i have run out and the doc wont give me anymore, which im really upset about as was hoping it would atleast slightly help with SI and fear. Sorry it all went wrong. I guess you better not panic and tell someone where you are this time- I had a similar thing -in that i nearly did it, but stopped myself just on the edge and my doctor called me seconds after- in my emotional state I told her what I had just tried to do- resulting in my first ever ngt in a psy ward-which will always be known as the worst day of my entire life!! literally horrific. Oh and you sound like you need a pretty strong & thick tree branch, atleast you found there was no pain- so thats one good thing you can take away from this I guess. Not sure if this was advice as such-rather just feedback I suppose.

 

[schopenh]

Any abandoned factories around that you could sneak into at night? Just used some steel beams or something then

 

[huffyhenry]

Any abandoned factories around that you could sneak into at night? Just used some steel beams or something then

That's a really good idea. I know of one that is patrolled sparsely which might give me just enough time to do it probably but not leave people in the dark about what happened to me. I will look around for a viable location.

I have been drinking and taking klonopins too when i have gone to attempt & now i have run out and the doc wont give me anymore, which im really upset about as was hoping it would atleast slightly help with SI and fear. Sorry it all went wrong. I guess you better not panic and tell someone where you are this time- I had a similar thing -in that i nearly did it, but stopped myself just on the edge and my doctor called me seconds after- in my emotional state I told her what I had just tried to do- resulting in my first ever ngt in a psy ward-which will always be known as the worst day of my entire life!! literally horrific. Oh and you sound like you need a pretty strong & thick tree branch, atleast you found there was no pain- so thats one good thing you can take away from this I guess. Not sure if this was advice as such-rather just feedback I suppose.

Yes, the psych ward was very difficult for me as well and left me feeling like I can't trust or talk to anyone anymore. I'm sorry to hear you failed but I completely understand that in those final moments your mind is a real whirlwind.

 

[MeltingHeart]

That's a really good idea. I know of one that is patrolled sparsely which might give me just enough time to do it probably but not leave people in the dark about what happened to me. I will look around for a viable location.

Yes, the psych ward was very difficult for me as well and left me feeling like I can't trust or talk to anyone anymore. I'm sorry to hear you failed but I completely understand that in those final moments your mind is a real whirlwind.

Yeah I felt like I didn't need to be there- in that I knew it was of no use- it wasn't gonna help me...I knew then I wasn't being impulsive & im right as I still feel the same way nearly one year later! Yeah emotions were running v. high, mind was a mess - hard to control the urge to tell someone what I had just tried to do at the time! Hey ho- live and learn (should that be try to die & learn?!)