Failed attempt and crap therapist

[Sweetfa]

I feel like nothing could hurt anymore than it already does though, my hypnotherapist has been coming over free of charge ever since, trying to help, and even he can't seem to get through to me.

 

[Deleted member 19654]

If you need someone to talk to, we're all here to support you. You don't need him

I feel like nothing could hurt anymore than it already does though, my hypnotherapist has been coming over free of charge ever since, trying to help, and even he can't seem to get through to me.

Aside from feeling like your therapist should fix what he broke, is there another reason why you feel like you need to go back to him?

 

[HadEnough1974]

My therapist was sexually inappropriate in an email, triggered me really badly, I've spent a month trying to get him to hold his hands up that it was wrong so we could move past it, he gaslighted me for a month and then reduced our sessions like its my fault, told me how I've fucked HIS head up and referred to me like a black widow then told me if I don't trust him I can fire him, then cancelled our last session, sent my money back and told me to never contact him again. I tried to kill myself on 18th with insulin but failed, refused hospital treatment and as a result mental health team were threatening to section me. My GP put a stop to me being sectioned but I can't stop thinking about and crying about my therapist. For a long time we were way over the boundaries with many emails outside of sessions and a level of intimacy that was beyond what a therapist should have with a client but my own fault, nothing sexual happened between us but that email he sent was so triggering, elicit, graphicly instructing me to touch myself.

I am meant to be having assisted suicide in Switzerland at the end of next year but I don't want to wait that long, I can't survive a year without him. I don't know what to do. It hurts so much and on top of everything else I'm going through in my life.. I just can't do it.

Please report him. You are probably not the only victim. Please be strong and show the email to someone in a position of authority. Stay strong.

 

[Sweetfa]

I had told him I needed him to help me stay stable for another year, so I get everything I need to do, before I go to dignitas next year, done. I feel like I can't keep myself alive that long without his help. He had gone to his supervisory team about it and agreed to recontract for another year, just before all this happened. Prior to this, he had been the best therapist I ever had, I had made more progress, done more work, talked about things I had never talked about in my 42 years of life, things I can never utter from my mouth again to someone else. I don't trust anyone, never have, it took a year of intense therapy for my to finally trust him that much, I never looked in his eyes and finally agreed I would, and tried, briefly, but even that was an accomplishment, I felt that I had the most intimate and attached relationship with him than I was ever able to have, my psychological assessment by other psychologists states that even in intimate relationships I remain detached, and this is true, my whole life, with everybody, I just can't attach this way again, this was the only time I have been able to and now it's all fucked up, that's why this hurts as much as it does. I had told him I wanted to try to remove the walls and detachment and have that experience before I died, just once, and he made that possible for me and then.. Blahhhh.. Nothing could be more fucked up than this!

 

[Deleted member 19654]

You let him in, trusted him and he broke your trust by crossing the line when he sent you an inappropriate email that was triggering for you. Someone in his position should have known better than to act in that way.

He knew that you were vulnerable and he used that to his advantage. It breaks my heart that he treated you in that way.

 

[Iwantoknow]

I am sorry this happened to you. It not your fault.

 

[HadEnough1974]

I had told him I needed him to help me stay stable for another year, so I get everything I need to do, before I go to dignitas next year, done. I feel like I can't keep myself alive that long without his help. He had gone to his supervisory team about it and agreed to recontract for another year, just before all this happened. Prior to this, he had been the best therapist I ever had, I had made more progress, done more work, talked about things I had never talked about in my 42 years of life, things I can never utter from my mouth again to someone else. I don't trust anyone, never have, it took a year of intense therapy for my to finally trust him that much, I never looked in his eyes and finally agreed I would, and tried, briefly, but even that was an accomplishment, I felt that I had the most intimate and attached relationship with him than I was ever able to have, my psychological assessment by other psychologists states that even in intimate relationships I remain detached, and this is true, my whole life, with everybody, I just can't attach this way again, this was the only time I have been able to and now it's all fucked up, that's why this hurts as much as it does. I had told him I wanted to try to remove the walls and detachment and have that experience before I died, just once, and he made that possible for me and then.. Blahhhh.. Nothing could be more fucked up than this!

Firs I'd like to congratulate you for the progress you made. The ability to open up etc. You've come a long way. Unfortunately, this therapist crossed the line and this triggered you.

This is easier said than done, but would you consider the possibility of putting what he did in a box and closing the box and putting it temporarily on a shelf?

You can revisit the box any time, open it, look into it and discuss it. However, for the time being, imagine ... or even better, print the emails and put them in an envelope, seal it and temporarily put the envelope in a box and symbolically forget it. Again, I know it's easier said than done.

 

[Sweetfa]

I like the idea of printing them all and putting them in an envelope. I wrote a letter and sealed that today but this feels like it might work better

 

[Sweetfa]

I have sent the attached email to my therapist. My heart is pounding and I'm shaking

 

[Brokensaddle]

I have sent the attached email to my therapist. My heart is pounding and I'm shaking

I'm glad you're sending this email and proud of you standing up and fighting him. He's the one in the wrong and he should face the consequences of his actions and how it's made you feel. You have nothing to feel sorry about.

 

[color_me_gone]

@Sweetfa
That was a really well written document.
You were direct, and firm, and expressed what you wanted.
Kudo to you!

 

[Sweetfa]

I'm sobbing but it feels like the only way I might get a resolution without reporting and where we might both come out of this without the huge repurcussions and distress of an investigation.

 

[Deleted member 19654]

How are you feeling this morning? It must have taken a lot to write that email so I'm proud of you for sticking up for yourself.

 

[Sweetfa]

I didn't get to sleep until around 6am, I have a banging headache and still feeling close to panic attack and crying

 

[Deleted member 19654]

I'm sorry, you don't deserve to be in so much pain. Not being able to get much sleep sucks. Do you take anything for anxiety or panic attacks

 

[Sweetfa]

Can't take any medication for depression, psychosis or anxiety due to cardiac conditions, I practice meditation or at least try to

 

[Deleted member 19654]

I've been trying meditation too. It's hard to block everything out sometimes when thoughts keep popping into your head. I have to put on noise cancelling headphones and play relaxing rain sounds

 

[Sweetfa]

I'm actually an advanced ho'oponopono practioner, reiki master and hypnotherapist (all only recently qualified) and have many years practicing mindfulness and meditation, but the last few weeks with everything with the therapist and other stuff going on, have knocked me off track and made meditation much more difficult. I don't look to empty my mind, I use visualisation or meditate on something such as ho'oponopono or chants such as ohm (aum) or on forgiveness or peace etc.. Clear mind meditation is a Buddhist practice and clear mind doesn't mean empty mind, but instead clearing the mind of delusions (anger, suspicion, resentment etc are all considered delusions) and attachments (to people, things, outcomes) and filling the mind instead with love, peace, forgiveness etc which is then considered clear mind. They might then use mindful meditation to project these feelings on to others and around the world or to meditate on a specific Buddhist philosophy.

Meditation can take some practice and one style might work better than another for an individual.

Ho'oponopono is similar in that it 'cleans' until one reaches the void, Whiteboard, which essentially means before memories and data were added and back to our initial blueprint we were born with which is believed to connect us with our divinity or the universe etc.. And that all things are living and sacred and contain memories and data, and require cleaning through cleaning our own data perceptions of them.

Sorry for so much info, I've been doing this a long time lol

 

[Deleted member 19654]

Don't apologise, it's really cool that you know so much about meditation and have all these qualifications. How did you first get into meditation?

It's hard clearing the mind of all the negative and replacing it with positive feelings. I might look into different meditation techniques or styles and see if they make a difference.

 

[Sweetfa]

I started doing basic meditation at 13 when I started learning to read tarot and wanted a trance like meditative state for focus and to remove external interference (and internal biased thoughts and feelings that could impact my reading), over the years I've also attended spiritual retreats and mental health courses that taught basic meditation techniques and more recently more intense meditations at Buddhist temple, DBT mindfulness, ho'oponopono, hypnotherapy course etc..

Since the dawn of things like YouTube with easily accessible guided meditations, it's a lot easier to access and learn by yourself too.
Also as I'm unable to exercise due to my illnesses and disabilities, I've recently bought mudra cards which are yoga hand symbols that assist in shifting energies and with meditation.

 

[Sweetfa]

Maybe someone else has reported him for doing the same to them. If you report him that will help their case & yours. The more complaints that are made, the more likely something will be done to stop him.

edit: your last post came through as I was writing this.
I understand. Of course you don't want to go through another investigation & all it involves.
I'm glad you've told your GP & hypnotherapist so you have some support irl as well as here.

edit 2: It appears that the place has closed, not the therapist.

He owns his own private practice that he runs from home. His website says closed permantly

 

[Deleted member 19654]

It's not because of covid and moving everything to online sessions that it's closed?

 

[Sweetfa]

I have no idea at all

 

[Deleted member 19654]

It hurts and angers me to think that this has happened to other women under his care. He's been in this business for so long

 

[Sweetfa]

I don't believe he's done anything like this before

 

[Sweetfa]

And I'm still crying, regretting my complaint, don't want his money just want him to be sorry, genuinely sorry for what he did to me

 

[Deleted member 19654]

You did nothing wrong by sending off that email. In fact, it was the right thing for you to do.

 

[Sweetfa]

Scared he won't reply, it's driving me crazy waiting

 

[Deleted member 19654]

He can't ignore it and hope that it will all magically go away. Your GP knows, your hypnotherapist knows and you CC'd someone else in your email.

 

[Sweetfa]

I also have emailed 2 solicitors to ask advice and informed my solicitor what happened. I've asked bacp too without giving his name and I've asked my voice ability advocate, nobody has yet got back to me. My dad, who is a therapist says that there's no way he would admit something like that or pay anything as paying is as good as an admission and so told me I'm wasting my time making any complaint and should just get on with my life