Failed attempt and crap therapist

[Sweetfa]

My therapist was sexually inappropriate in an email, triggered me really badly, I've spent a month trying to get him to hold his hands up that it was wrong so we could move past it, he gaslighted me for a month and then reduced our sessions like its my fault, told me how I've fucked HIS head up and referred to me like a black widow then told me if I don't trust him I can fire him, then cancelled our last session, sent my money back and told me to never contact him again. I tried to kill myself on 18th with insulin but failed, refused hospital treatment and as a result mental health team were threatening to section me. My GP put a stop to me being sectioned but I can't stop thinking about and crying about my therapist. For a long time we were way over the boundaries with many emails outside of sessions and a level of intimacy that was beyond what a therapist should have with a client but my own fault, nothing sexual happened between us but that email he sent was so triggering, elicit, graphicly instructing me to touch myself.

I am meant to be having assisted suicide in Switzerland at the end of next year but I don't want to wait that long, I can't survive a year without him. I don't know what to do. It hurts so much and on top of everything else I'm going through in my life.. I just can't do it.

 

[DyingAlf]

That's absolutely NOT your fault!
No matter how you did or did not behave, and no matter what you said or did not say, it is always the therapists job to lay the boundaries and enforce them.
It was completely inappropriate, immoral and illegal for the therapist to behave this way.

Please report him!

I'm so sorry that this has happened to you.
(Especially when you already had problems that you needed a therapist to help you with).
I hope you can find a new, genuine, therapist to help you through the next year.

 

[Deleted member 19654]

Holy cow. Your therapist is a total piece of work and I agree with @DyingAlf, you need to report him because he should not be a licensed therapist. You're much better off without him as your therapist. He has crossed the boundaries big time. The blame lies with him, not you.

 

[Sweetfa]

I can't report him, I don't want all the stuff I've confided in him being read by others. I also don't want to cause harm to his family. I just want him to reach out, apologise and fix this or to die so I don't feel like this anymore

 

[Deleted member 19654]

Judging by what you've already said about him, I don't see him as someone who would apologise. He's already gaslighted you and tried to make it out like it's all your fault. I'm sorry but reaching out to him won't do you any good.

If you did report him, would other people need to know what was said in your therapy sessions? Because isn't it all confidential? You have evidence that he's been behaving inappropriately in the form of his email.

 

[cazwiz]

Please report him. He needs to be stopped from doing this again. You deserve far better than that. And please don't apportion any blame to yourself. It's his job to maintain healthy boundaries, not yours.

 

[color_me_gone]

Your therapist is a total piece of crap!
Even if you were to come on to him, and I'm only posing this as a hypothetical, therapists are supposed to maintain boundaries, they are trained in how to do that.
That sort of thing happens often in that practice.
It does not matter who came onto who, it is always the therapist's fault if things go our of bounds.
Also, just like a lawyer, a therapist is never allowed to divulge privileged information - that is a serious crime on his part.

 

[Sweetfa]

A lot of stuff I revealed in our emails over the last year, I'm scared that whoever would investigate would want the emails, he didn't keep recordings or notes of our actual sessions but kept our emails which I think they could subpoena?

 

[Deleted member 19654]

Why don't you at least make a start on reporting him. Contact the licensing board, tell them what happened and see what they say or what your options are. Which country are you in?

 

[Sweetfa]

England

 

[Deleted member 19654]

Do you know which board he's registered with? I think the two main ones over here are UKCP or BACP

 

[Sweetfa]

This is on his website but the website has also said he's permanently closed since I fired him so I don't know if he decided to retire because of me or its just the covid stuff going on

 

[Brokensaddle]

My therapist was sexually inappropriate in an email, triggered me really badly, I've spent a month trying to get him to hold his hands up that it was wrong so we could move past it, he gaslighted me for a month and then reduced our sessions like its my fault, told me how I've fucked HIS head up and referred to me like a black widow then told me if I don't trust him I can fire him, then cancelled our last session, sent my money back and told me to never contact him again. I tried to kill myself on 18th with insulin but failed, refused hospital treatment and as a result mental health team were threatening to section me. My GP put a stop to me being sectioned but I can't stop thinking about and crying about my therapist. For a long time we were way over the boundaries with many emails outside of sessions and a level of intimacy that was beyond what a therapist should have with a client but my own fault, nothing sexual happened between us but that email he sent was so triggering, elicit, graphicly instructing me to touch myself.

I am meant to be having assisted suicide in Switzerland at the end of next year but I don't want to wait that long, I can't survive a year without him. I don't know what to do. It hurts so much and on top of everything else I'm going through in my life.. I just can't do it.

Your therapist sounds like utter creep. You definitely need to report him as it's most likely he will do it again and try to cross the boundary line with another vulnerable client. I'm so sorry it's not acceptable because he shouldn't be behaving like this especially when you gone for help due to the issues you faced I. Life. It's makes me really mad that he's done this too you. You did the right thing by getting away from him.

 

[Sweetfa]

He's really well renowned here :( was highly recommended by MIND charity and the facilitators there, everyone raves about him, he's also an activist, plays at Glastonbury and is on the town council. He's been a therapist here for over 30 years

 

[Deleted member 19654]

It honestly makes me sick to think that he's still practicing.

I'd say go report it to BPS. You can email them at [email protected] You could probably send off the same email to the other organisations too.

If you are required to provide proof of emails, couldn't you just redact/blur out anything personal? Your therapist is supposed to be professional and they crossed the line so even if they think you initiated it, he's still in the wrong no matter which way you look at it.

 

[Sweetfa]

I don't know if I can bring myself to do it. :(

 

[Deleted member 19654]

I don't know if I can bring myself to do it. :(

We can support you through this. Help you draft up a complaint letter if necessary, provide some emotional support etc. Whatever you need

 

[color_me_gone]

This is on his website but the website has also said he's permanently closed since I fired him so I don't know if he decided to retire because of me or its just the covid stuff going on

If it says permanently closed, I doubt it was due to covid, and most professionals in critical care are allow to stay open, at least in USA.
He might have realized he is in deep shit.

 

[Sweetfa]

I went through a year long rape investigation 2018 to 2019 after my ex raped me, I used the compensation for my therapy. My kids were put on child protection as a result and put into care 2019 at the same time the police investigation ended, the court proceedings lasted over a year and only just ended September 9th this year with them going into care permanently and my contact reduced to 6 times a year (they were removed because of my disabilities and illnesses) and the same week my pa quit them on 18th September I fired my therapist and attempted suicide. I can't go through another investigation, I feel too fragile and not happy I'm still alive, crying every day, still missing my therapist and still feel like I need him back, I just can't do it. I told my GP on Friday what happened so it's in my medical notes and I forwarded all the emails to my hypnotherapist so he knows too, after my death, maybe someone will follow it up, but I can't.

 

[DyingAlf]

If it says permanently closed, I doubt it was due to covid, and most professionals in critical care are allow to stay open, at least in USA.
He might have realized he is in deep shit.

Maybe someone else has reported him for doing the same to them. If you report him that will help their case & yours. The more complaints that are made, the more likely something will be done to stop him.

edit: your last post came through as I was writing this.
I understand. Of course you don't want to go through another investigation & all it involves.
I'm glad you've told your GP & hypnotherapist so you have some support irl as well as here.

edit 2: It appears that the place has closed, not the therapist.

 

[Deleted member 19654]

I'm so sorry for everything you've been through. I can understand why you're hesitant to go through another investigation because it can take a lot out of you. What about just compiling a bunch of screenshots of emails, redact anything too personal, we can help you write up a formal letter/email and just get that sent off to all the organisations he's part of?

Edit: I see that you've forwarded emails to your hypnotherapist. I'm glad you've done that and I'm happy you told your GP about it too.

 

[Sweetfa]

I just want how I'm feeling to stop, I keep typing up emails to him and then deleting them. My hypnotherapist told me I need to not contact my therapist again, and I know he's right, but I feel like I can't stop thinking about him all the time and hate the silence

 

[Deleted member 19654]

I know you're hurting a lot and I wish there was something more I could do to help you.

Your hypnotherapist is right, you shouldn't contact him again. He knows about your history and yet he still decided to cross the boundaries and behave so inappropriately. You'll only be hurting yourself more if you get go back to him.

 

[Sweetfa]

I feel like he should be giving me free therapy to fix what he broke

 

[Deleted member 19654]

What if he keeps on breaking you? Don't give him the opportunity to keep hurting you. He didn't have any problems crossing the line in the first place, so what's to stop him doing it again?

You've already been through so so much. You don't deserve to be treated that way by someone who's supposed to be a professional therapist.

 

[checkouttime]

a person with that level of responsability and trust should not be doing stuff like that! have you concidered reporting them?

I mean it might not just be you that they did this too.their could be others either now or in the future.

I certainly wouldn't consider going back to them. i mean even if it was a two way thing, they should know better than to take advantage of a vulnerable person. they sound like they were to busy trying to help themselves,rather than help you

 

[Brokensaddle]

It's the lowest of low taking advantage of a client that has come to for help and support. The sick creep exploited your weaknesses because he clearly knew your what have been through in life by reading up on your history. I hope karma gets him back for what he's done to you.

 

[Sweetfa]

:(
I know I should be wishing all sorts of hell on him and yet I still can't

 

[Deleted member 19654]

Don't let him hurt you any more.

 

[Brokensaddle]

I feel like he should be giving me free therapy to fix what he broke

He owns you much more then that, I would have stopped his career because he's that disgusting. You deserve better especially when you trying to seek help from professional to deal with complex and difficult hard issues you faced in life. A therapist or counsellor should be their to walk you though your problem and try to find a health positive solution not creat new one and make them worse